


"Hate" at first sight.

by Redwithwhiteeyes



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Soul Bond, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-02-08
Updated: 2017-05-13
Packaged: 2018-01-11 13:41:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 75,902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1173736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Redwithwhiteeyes/pseuds/Redwithwhiteeyes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shizuo Heiwaijima never expected or felt he deserved to find his soul mate; Izaya Orihara never put any significant thought towards the possibility, preferring instead to not care and pretend the whole thing happened to other people.</p><p>Then they bond with each other. </p><p>(This is a mainly serious take on the trope, I am trying to write both Shizuo and Izaya as IC as possible).</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I

**Author's Note:**

> Yes I know there’s already a few Shizaya soul mate fics, but I had a strange idea that I couldn’t get it out of my mind and so I decided to have a go and write a fanfic of it! (This is slightly inspired by several other fics of the same trope, but this is my own take on it).  
> I am also in a downer mood at the moment and so decided to cheer myself up and write some more Shizaya of my own (I have another fic with them which I NEED to update, but I am struggling with it, so I am writing this to get the creative juices flowing).  
> This fic will eventually warrant an M rating (or higher) for various reasons.

* * *

 

The happy couple in the photograph were smiling brightly and holding a small dark-haired bundle outside a hospital. They both wore identical white bands and they seemed to emanate –even from a mere picture- a force of happiness and enlightenment that was impossible to comprehend or aspire to.

Fifteen year old Shizuo Heiwaijima snorted gently and put the photograph back on the shelf it had been resting on, next to an almost identical one in which the same couple was holding another baby while clutching the hand of an intensely grinning toddler.

Tucking a few newly bleached strands of hair out of his eyes, Shizuo went back to cleaning a wound on his lower arm, humming tunelessly as he did so.

The deep gash on his arm had come about not because of a fight, but because he had jumped to push away a car that had stupidly swerved in traffic and almost hit him and his younger brother Kasuka as they had walked home from school. Luckily his brother had been able to silently restrain him from beating the living crap out of the incessantly apologizing owner of the vehicle and they had hurried home before their parents could arrive.

Now ensconced in his room, waiting for his brother to bring him some gauze and other nursing materials so that he could bandage his arm; He hoped that he would come quickly as their parents would be home soon, and they–bound somewhat mentally to each other by their bond- would worry and fuss over him and insist on taking him to the hospital, even if his wound was minor. They had done so in the past, even after he told them he could take injuries that were ten times worse than the one he now had. This hardiness had come about because of several years of fighting those who thought they could take him down even if he had immense strength and certain people who would immaturely insult him for being the son of a bonded couple.

Tensing and holding his hurt arm, Shizuo allowed his thoughts to drift uselessly; centring on a lesson his ever joyful mother told him every day.

" _Never stop looking for them Shizuo, never ever, and if you feel any strong emotion towards anyone you meet then always try to bond with them. Because… they could be the person that you could spend the rest of your life with in blissful happiness, like me and your father… so never give up hope that you may find the one" she always repeated in a light and chirpy tone._

_ When he had been very young he would excitedly nod and agree with his mother's advice, he would also ramble on about what he thought his soul mate would look like and what she –always she- would be like. When he had developed his strength and aged out of his last few innocent years, he had taken on a much more cynical and non-expectant view of finding his soul mate. Therefore he had started to cut across his mother or curtly counter her when she started her daily wisdom giving, saying that he "didn't deserve to be bonded" or "who on earth would want to be his soul mate because of his terrifying strength". After these outbursts, his mother would always smile sadly and hug him tightly; never giving up on him.  _

The swishing sound of the door opening knocked him out of his reverie. It was his brother, who bluntly handed him a first aid kit.

"Thank you Kasuka" Shizuo said warmly as he accepted it from him. "It isn't too bad, but I should tend to it so that mum and dad don't freak out. I swear that if they take me to the hospital again, I'll tear it down and stomp all over it…" he muttered under his breath as he unrolled a swathe of bandages and got out some disinfectant.

"Do you need any help, Nii-san?" Kasuka asked emotionlessly.

"Nah, I've been doing this so much recently that I could do it in the dark with my eyes blindfolded, you can leave if you like and I'll clear everything away" he replied.

His brother stayed in the room and fixed him with an empty stare.

Shizuo sighed. "You can tell that something's bothering me right?" he met his brother's eyes. "It's nothing… well it's the fact that lately I've been thinking about soul mates, specifically if there's… someone out there for me. You know that I believe that I don't have one, I probably shouldn't even be worrying about it now, especially since most people don't bond until their mid to late twenties or at all." He finished, slightly flushed.

"Don't worry Nii-san, I know that if there's anyone deserving of a soul mate then it's you. I believe that someday you'll bond and meet someone who'll love you irredeemably" Kasuka intoned. "Who knows, you may even find them sooner than you think".

Even if his faced remained passive, Shizuo could detect that his brother meant every word.

Distantly the doorbell rang; wordlessly Kasuka nodded at him and left the room.

Cursing, Shizuo finished his dressing, rolled up his sleeve, and hurriedly put away the kit.

Running out of his room, he slammed the door shut.

The photographs shook.

* * *

"For the past ten years the number of bonded couples has fallen in the world…

The ancient phenomena known as "bonding" has always managed to entice billions of people to look for their "soul mate". Hailed by various religious organisations as proof of a higher entity and studied by dozens of scientific communities around the world, "bonding" has proved to be a deep part of human culture and history. For instance, "Touching Rallies" are held in many countries, with thousands in attendance hoping to make skin contact with their perfect match.

The "bond" as it is most commonly referred to, seems to create a mental link between those who experience it. Many bonded couples have noted that they can feel each other's emotions and over time, their individual thoughts. They have also felt extreme discomfort and isolation when separated from their partner, with increasing nausea the more distance that is put between them. From some extreme cases, it has also been deduced that if one half of a bond dies, the other soon follows.

However, in recent years the number of bonded couples has fallen at a dramatic rate. Usually when two people connect with each other, it is immediately registered in their country of-"

"I've heard enough Shinra" Izaya Orihara curtly interrupted.

They were sitting in their middle school's library after the day was over. Outside it was raining heavily, and to escape boredom, Izaya had forced Shinra to entertain him in "any way he could" while he studied. Shinra's response had been to whip out various magazines and read out magazine articles which interested him. These were usually bizarre and/or scientific, but the one he had just chosen was on something that Izaya currently couldn't care less about.

"Aww come on Izaya, wouldn't it be exciting to find your soul mate, the one person who you could spend the rest of your life with" Shinra implored. "It's obvious that I'm never going to find one, because I already have!" a dreamy look came into his eyes.

Izaya smirked and glanced at his friend. "First of all, I don't care about finding mine. It sounds like such a hassle to love only one person unconditionally and I have wider interests in that aspect. And secondly, you haven't bonded with Celty…"

"So?" Shinra snapped out of his daze and narrowed his eyes at Izaya.

Izaya's smile widened. "What if one day you touched the hand of a random girl and bonded with her? You would be forced –as you read out yourself- to have a link with her. You would know all her thoughts, all her desires and you would have to love her… it's a cosmic law, ne?"

Shinra laughed wildly and beamed at him, "It's deeper than that Izaya, I knew for a fact that Celty was my soul mate the moment I set eyes on her. Nothing scientific comes into it, its raw primal instinct and loooooove. Anyway, you've never met someone who was bonded, haven't you?" he mused.

"Heh, no, but that is somewhat interesting I guess. I could observe them and see how worthy…" Izaya trailed off, he shook himself and threaded his fingers together. "Who have you met that was bonded?" he enquired.

Shinra wrinkled his nose. "It was the parents of a kid I attended lower school with a few years ago. They were pretty amazing, they could communicate with each other without speaking and they had a sort of… intensity. You could tell that they loved each other a lot. Heck, I was- I am I still guess- jealous of them. Even their children were amazing, one of them –Shizuo- had enough bodily strength to lift a car. He developed his strength even more through wear and tear, he was always getting into fights and he was in hospital a lot… maybe I can introduce you to him someday. I haven't seen him for a long time..." he sighed. "I'm burned out about soul mates; can we talk about something else now?"

"Of course Shinra" Izaya glowed; he made a quick note of something and turned back to his friend with an enthusiastic smile.

* * *

 

It was several years later, when he was in his first term at Raira academy, that the significant law of "bonding" would cross Izaya Orihara again.

He had just been putting his books away in his locker, when he heard an excited shout from behind him.

"Izaya, Shizuo's here! Come and meet him before he leaves!" Shinra yelled as he grabbed his arm and dragged him through the school.

Muting any complaints that he might have had of the situation, Izaya plotted as he was hauled though the hallways.

_ Hmm this might be a new toy or a pawn, something to interest me in these boring times. A man with super strength and bonded parents… this is going to be very interesting and fun!  _

Sure enough, when they arrived at one of Raira's football fields to witness a tall blond individual fighting and beating an entire group of students with his bare hands, Izaya found his hopes rising.

It was so good and entertaining that he started to clap appraisingly. When the man turned and glared at him with deep golden-brown eyes and insulted him with his few first words towards him, Izaya barely suppressed a shiver and a deep feeling that screamed at him to do _something_ with the beastly blond.

So he did do something.

A few minutes later he had Shizu-chan –a nickname he had created from speaking to several of his old classmates- chasing him in a deathly rage.

_Yes… this is going be to very interesting and very fun…_

He had no idea what twisted paths the future had in store.

* * *

 


	2. Chapter 2-II

* * *

 

He's pissed off, beyond pissed off.

Shizuo scowled as he attempted to keep his sheared shirt and school jacket together.

Kicking away a twisted street sign, he growled at the several dozen fallen thugs around him and looked around for the target of all his hatred; only growing more furious when he realized that Izaya was long gone.

_ Tch! The fucking bastard is such a fucking coward that he probably left as soon as I scored the first hit. He must have planned to get me as mad as he possibly could, then leave when the fireworks started so that the rest of Ikkebukuro could pay the price.  _ Shizuo inwardly cursed himself and balled his hands into tight fists.

He began to see intense red; attempting to calm down by taking several deep breaths and counting to a hundred only made him more incensed and eager to reach for the nearest projectile so that he could throw it after his absent enemy.

Grounding his teeth, Shizuo found his mind turning to the beginning of all his frustrations and troubles.

* * *

 

_It had occurred shortly after the sudden appearance of his strength._

_Two boys in his lower school class had leveled several slanders at him and had attempted to mockingly mimic his power by role-playing that he was violently hitting his brother._

_ It was only when they called him and Kasuka "freaks of nature" that he had lost his cool and sent a table flying into the wall near their heads, causing them to clam up and stare at him numbly.  _

_ It had been the first of many such incidences. He had always been an uncontrollable and furious kid, but when the taunts and contempt had grown hundredfold (they had always been minor nuisance before) any remaining control that he had had over his emotions had disappeared, replaced with a borderline acceptance of what he was… a "monster" who would never find his soulmate.  _

_ Soulmates, he still loathed and loved the prospect of finding "the one". If he did bond with a person, then there was a chance that they could accept him for what he was and he would finally have someone who he could rely on, on a deeper and more emotional level than with anyone else. Even if he did have his brother and his parents, he wouldn't be able to stay with them –and he didn't want to be a burden to them any longer than he had to- forever.  _

_ But he was being far too optimistic; it was far more likely that if he did find his soulmate then they would reject him…  _

* * *

 

Shizuo flinched and made a bitter noise.

_ Whatever, I should just take my brother's advice and not think too much on it. Even if I've lately been feeling very strange, as if there's something I have to do before it's too late… it feels important and when I think too intensely on it, it makes me think of the flea… _

Snorting, Shizuo smoothed his shredded clothing and got his phone out.

Still shaking with rage, he dialed his mother's number and waited for the following beeping to disperse.

It was a tactic that they had devised between them, when he became too murderous towards a certain brunette he would call her and she would calm him down with soothing words and comforting nuances; getting him to sort through his problems and attitude in the process.

Usually Shizuo was dismissive or outright forgetful of the option, but at times such as the current one, when he frantically needed to hear his mother's voice, he would be immensely thankful for it.

His phone finally connecting, Shizuo took a deep breath and greeted his mother.

"Hello…" he grunted. "Yes it was him, No it's not bad. They only gave me several cuts, so I'm going to go over to Shinra's to get treatment okay? You don't need to take me to the hospital or call the emergency services"

Preoccupied, and already cooling down because of it, Shizuo started to stomp down a side street towards his friend's house; his voice fading away from the wrecked scene behind him.

"Yes I said they, there was more than one. It's not impolite; Shinra's used to me turning up unannounced and bloodied, its fine…"

* * *

 

Shinra Kishitani sighed as he finished bandaging one of his few friends.

"You just had to come here and deprive me of some sweet time with my lovely Celty, didn't you? Why couldn't you have just gone to a hospital and bothered them?" he mumbled, his words gaining him a stormy –only he could tell that it was one- look from his eternal beloved.

Shizuo shrugged nonchalantly. "You know that most refuse to treat me because of my temper and reputation. Anways, you're nearer and you're used to dealing with me".

"Not an excuse Shizuo, _you_ know that this is the only time of the day I get to spend with my love, and because I have to go to school we only have so many hours together to have-"he was interrupted by a sharp punch to his stomach from the object of all his affections.

Sniffling from the pain, Shinra managed to straighten himself without keeling over too much.

"O-okay I get it, you don't love me the same way I love you…yet" he wheezed and flailed his arms to stop her from hitting him again. "Just let me finish treating Shizuo, please".

Wanting to forget the preceding event, Shinra decided to have a nice talk with his friend. Who wore an amused and somewhat pitying smile, probably because of the spectacle he had just saw.

"So Shizuo, what did Izaya do this time?" he asked cheerfully. "You've only known him for a month and yet I bet you hate him more than anyone else".

Shizuo's grin quickly melted and he glared at him. "The son of a bitch set an entire gang after me, they knew my parents were bonded and they called my mother a "choosy whore who should learn to spread her legs more, maybe for them". I knocked all of them out and I would have done worse to Izaya if he had still been there, but he had fled like the pathetic piece of shit that he is" He seethed.

Shinra couldn't help but wince at Shizuo's words; he should have known better and not reminded him of Izaya. Opening his mouth to apologise, he was cut off by a deranged and frenzied outburst.

"That fucking bastard, one day I swear that I'll kill him and rip off his stupid smug smirk. He bothers me so much; even when he's not here I can sense him. He's always troubling me with his confident taunts and exaggerated annoyances. I haven't even touched him yet and it makes me so mad that I want to…" Shizuo clutched his head tightly as he ranted.

Shinra blinked, Shizuo's words had reminded him of something, an extract from some science journal that he had been reading the other day about… His mind whirring, he could only grasp that he had to find and confirm his suspicions-

"Can I go? I think I need to have some alone time and get a grip on myself" Shizuo said tersely.

"Yeah you can, just let me finish... Oh I'm done, I guess you can leave. Do you need borrow some clothes to go home? Your mother always yells at me if you come home all… frayed" he finished sheepishly.

Shizuo rolled his eyes. "If you have anything you can spare" he said with pointed finality.

In the end, he loaned Shizuo one of his larger shirts and the blonde left in a huff, almost causing the front door of his apartment to shatter as he slammed it shut.

Finally left alone with the one person he only truly cared about in the whole world, Shinra couldn't help but stare blankly at the cracked door for a few moments; contemplating a fantastic and ridiculous idea that he didn't really have any real evidence for, apart from a gut feeling that he was the only one who had caught onto something…  _obvious._

But he soon shook himself out of his unprompted stupor and turned to his love, preparing his most seductive voice and wangling his eyebrows suggestively in the process.

"Hey Celty, do you think we could-"

The headless rider kicked him in the head before he even had a chance to finish his sentence.

* * *

 Izaya clicked his teeth and lazily flicked his switchblade as he waited outside Raira's gates for his beastly archenemy to finish detention so that he could play with him.

He hadn't fought personally with Shizu-chan for a few days and although sending the gang after him the preceding day had been amusing, he wanted a nice long chase with just the two of them.

His phone suddenly vibrated within his pocket and after looking at the caller ID he answered it out of sheer boredom.

"Mairu, Kururi, What is it?" he chimed.

" _Nii-san " _Mairu's bubbly voice came from the other end. " _Can you come and pick us up from school?_ , _mama can't come for several hours because her meeting got delayed"_

"I'm busy at the moment, go home yourself or wait" Izaya said curtly.

" _You sound bored, come and pick us up and we'll entertain you!"_ his sister answered back with mock sweetness.

"You can entertain yourselves. For instance, you could go and look for your Soulmates"

" _Nii-san , how many times do we have to tell you! You know that Kururi and I are bonded to each other forever." _Mairu stated firmly. _"Yes we are!"_ echoed Kururi's voice in agreement _._

"Just keep telling each other that. I'm sure that society would beg to differ"

" _Ugh Nii-san, leave us alone. We'll wait for our mother to pick us up" _

The line went dead.

Izaya groaned in relief, he held minimal affection for his sisters and had tried to view them the same way that he viewed many of his humans, barring Shizuo, as something to be observed with playful interest. Recently this had grown into a much larger annoyance and he had started to ignore them as much as he possibly could.

Snapping to attention when he spotted a familiar head of bleached hair leaving the school, he stepped directly into the path of his monstrous adversary and smirked.

"Shizuu-chan, on your way to terrorize Ikkebukuro I presume?" Izaya said excitedly. "Or are you off to wander aimlessly as you sometimes do; a Beast desperately searching for the "one" who could make him remotely human".

"Shut up flea, Leave me alone" Shizuo bit back with thinly veiled hatred.

"My my, someone is _angry_! Is it because of the detention I got you into after that ambush? Maybe I should apologize, your protozoan brain can barely keep up with everyone else academically already and spending extra hours in detention doing nothing but lines puts you further behind… your bonded parents  must be sooo disappointed".

Shizuo roared and lunged for him, dropping his bag in the process.

Izaya easily spun out of his reach and got his switchblade out. His smirk widened and he blew a kiss towards Shizuo, before he began to run, closely followed by his nemesis.

Having caught Shizuo's attention, Izaya led him throughout Ikkebukuro until they both stopped, panting from the effort in an enclosed alley.

"Isn't this fun Shizu-chan! I bet it's the most fun you've had in  _days_ , since no one ever hangs out with you apart from Shinra or Kadota. Sadly, they can only offer so much entertainment to a monster such as you, so you need to cause destruction to not be bored ne?" Izaya breathlessly leered.

"Just shut up flea, right NOW!" Shizuo wheezed desperately. "What the fuck do you get out of this?"

Izaya laughed and walked straight up to Shizuo until his faces was inches away from the others, causing him to freeze completely still out of shock.

"I hate you so much Shizu-chan… You have no idea what place you hold in my love of humanity. You're on a completely and utterly different and much, much lower pedestal in comparison to the rest of them, and yet…" Izaya whispered almost tenderly.

He extended his hand, until it too was inches away from Shizuo's face.

_ What is this… this desperate urge to touch Shizu-chan, with skin to skin contact… to stroke his cheek and pat his hair? I wonder what they both feel like… they look so soft.  _ Izaya wondered for a few moments until the circumstances caught up to him.

Reeling, He leapt away from Shizuo as if he had been burned, just as the other took a wide swipe at him.

_Why I am thinking this, Shizu-chan is an unfeeling beast that I shouldn't even be wasting my time on. _He inwardly frowned.

Composing his features, Izaya smirked with renewed vigor. "Heh, I think it's getting late Shizu-chan, even for me; Sooo Sayonara Protozoan". He mockingly waved at his enemy and darted away.

Roaring and disregarding all else, Shizuo thundered after Izaya. Muttering _kill kill kill_ under his breath as he ambled.

The chase had for once, become a real one. With Izaya struggling earnestly to get as far away as possible from the one who muddled his thoughts and caused him to second guess his current actions.

* * *

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m such a tease… (Don’t worry; both boys will bond soon-maybe!).


	3. Chapter 3-III

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not as happy with this as with my other chapters for this fic, but I think I did my best.
> 
> We meet a certain family member of Shizuo's in this chapter, someone who has only made indirect appearances. The only downside is that there is no Izaya, but he will be in the next one.
> 
> I was also ill when I finished, so yay for me for persevering!

* * *

_Can "bonds" really be determined, either by science or fate?_

_In a recent scientific survey on the circumstances in which bonded couples first met and formed their bond, it has been found that over 90% of "Soulmates" attribute their bond to a "random meeting". As for Touch Rallies, they count for less than 1% in the recorded results. These statistics highlight the well-known fact that bonds are a sporadic and rare occurrence. However in a few unmarked instances, the bond was only discovered after being "latent" for a while; Meaning that two individuals who had known each other in either abstract or distant circumstances (e.g. two workers in different sectors of an office building, who would cross paths intermediately but not have further contact) had formed certain "feelings" about the other. This would usually manifest itself in bouts of irritation or anger, which would worsen over time, only beginning to vanish once they had touched and all had become clear._

_This fact casts a doubt on the age-old adage of bonds being determined by fate. If a single touch can decide whether or not a person finds their "soulmate", then if that touch does not take place (putting forth the notion that several bonds would have been formed if individuals in similar conditions had been made aware of the possibility), does fate really have a hand in pre-determining a bond? More so, can scientific psychoanalysis then discover what "makes" a bond; through careful consideration of behavioural patterns and proximities?_

_Further studies are needed to determine the exact extent of this phenomenon. The fact that spontaneous contact already has such a large hand in determining bonds gives credence to the romantic idea of pre-destination of love._

…

Shinra took off his glasses and pinched his brow. It was late, and his head hurt from reading through too many obscure scientific journals that were more fiction than fact.

Ever since he had had his ridiculous idea several days before; it had evolved into a nagging sensation, which he had only managed to put off because of the impossibility of it being true. Only when Celty had left him alone to go looking for her head, and in his resulting boredom, had he found himself sitting in his room and reaching for a discarded pile of magazines…

Now he almost wished that he hadn't, what he had found had caused his theory to crash to the centre of his thoughts and refuse to budge; it was demanding all his attention and even stopping him from thinking about Celty.

 _It can't be true… Shizuo and Izaya definitely_ _hate each other and refuse to be near each other, yet their circumstances support the theory that they may be "latent" soul mates._ Shinra sighed. _For instance_ , _they've known each other for a month and they haven't touched yet, which is a needed precursor that binds a bond. Then they both have unexplained feelings of deep annoyance and hatred for the other which could be a result of a "latent" bond that is distorting their emotions and causing them to pin all their frustrations on each other._ He raised his head and smiled wryly, realising that he had pinpointed something important about their relationship. _They're always at each other's throats, Izaya is always messing with Shizuo and spends time with him almost every day; even if it is usually just fighting or bickering. Also, whenever I talk to either of them, they both go on and on about the other as if it's an obsession… the most important thing in their lives._

Interrupted by a sharp knock at his door, he beckoned and it was opened by a slightly worried Celty.

She showed him her PDA.

[It's almost nine o clock, I came home and saw that the kitchen was still pristine. Did you order out? Have you eaten anything? Normally I wouldn't ask, but for the past few days you've had a sort of… distant look and I was starting to get worried.]

"Oh, is it really that late?" he laughed. "Sorry for worrying you, I've just… well I've found something, a possibility,that really bothers me."

Tapping.

[What is it? Is it anything that I can help with?]

"You can't help, and for what the issue is-"he took a deep breath. "I think that Izaya and Shizuo may be Soulmates, they just haven't bonded yet".

She reacted just as he expected her too.

Celty violently backpedalled and almost stumbled, only staying upright because of her relative skill. She stayed dazedly still for a few moments, before she began to type in a frenzy.

She shoved her PDA into Shinra's face when she had finished.

[WHAT? WHAT MADE YOU THINK THAT! THEY BOTH LOATHE EACH OTHER OR EVEN THE MEREST HINT OF THE OTHERS PRESENCE AND IF SHIZUO IS IZAYAS SOULMATE THEN I DON'T LIKE IT I WANT SOMEONE BETTER FOR HIM BECAUSE AS HIS FRIEND I KNOW HE DESERVES HOW COULD YOU-]

He gently took hold of her extended arm and lowered it.

"Celty calm down and let me explain, I have a very good reason for suspecting this" he reassured her soothingly. "Believe me; I thought that I was insane when I first came up with the possibility".

Celty eased herself and made a sighing noise, writing something on her PDA she did so.

[Ok, I'm calm. Please show me your "evidence" for why you think Izaya and Shizuo are Soulmates]

He couldn't help but inwardly roll his eyes at her use of quotation marks, he found it cute; but he would never outwardly show it, since she would think that he was mocking her and he could never do that to his Celty, his S _oulmate_.

"Umm, well I first suspected it because of Shizuo's actions the last time I treated him" he explained.

She cocked her neck at him in visible confusion.

Shinra groaned. "I'll explain the basis of it so you can fully understand".

He read out the article that he had found and pointed out everything he had drawn from between Shizuo and Izaya themselves as proof.

"So you see… when Shizuo last visited me, he exhibited clear signs of high stress and annoyance. He also said that he was mad since he hadn't got to "touch" Izaya yet, both are clear signs of a latent bond according to this article." he finished plainly.

Celty cocked her neck again and tapped away thoughtfully for a few minutes before she raised her PDA screen to him.

[Ok, I can see why you suspect a bond between them... but even if there is one, how are you going to get them to acknowledge it? If Shizuo and Izaya touch and form one then who knows what could happen, they could seriously end up hurting each other. You know how sensitive bonds are since you've done such a lot of research on them yourself.]

"Hmm I hadn't thought about that" Shinra said.

[Well maybe you should ask someone who is already in a bond for advice, someone whom you can trust; why don't you call…her, since you know her phone number by heart and she has a lot of experience with bonds.]

"Ohhh I'm such an idiot, I should have done that at the start" Shinra smacked his forehead in annoyance; then he looked up concernedly. "Are you sure that we should do this, and not tell Shizuo or Izaya directly? ".

[I think it would be best. She might try something drastic or over the top, but she's the only bonded person we know and she has the most knowledge about it].

Shinra smiled weakly at her. "It's too late now, I'll call her tomorrow".

* * *

A world without Soulmates, it sounded like heaven.

Shizuo snorted and turned the page of the manga he was reading. He was currently lying on his bed with a dozen textbooks and notebooks scattered around him.

He had tried to study but it had all been in vain. His load of unfinished schoolwork had grown to such an extent because of his many detentions that he just didn't care anymore. Also, why should he be bothered to learn maths or English, when he didn't have a brain for them? It was the one fact about himself that the goddamn flea was almost right about. Except that Shizuo knew that he wasn't an idiot, or a "protozoan" as his enemy called him, he was smart… smart in a way that any teacher would never understand. For instance, he was the only one who could see directly through Izaya, he knew exactly how much of a conniving scumbag the other teen was.

Shizuo bet that in his future he would have a dead end job and apartment, with the added plus of still having to deal with fighting and chasing after Izaya.

Groaning at the direction his thoughts had taken, he shook his head and directed all his attention toward the manga he had been reading.

It was set in a parallel earth, one that didn't have Soulmates. There, people who could marry who they liked without having to deal with the effects of a bond. Even so, that was not the only reason that he liked this manga, the main characters were interesting and they used alchemy to-

His stomach growled.

 _Crap! I haven't eaten anything since breakfast… if Izaya were here he would probably say that I am "a ravenous beast that only thinks with its stomach"_ he sarcastically intoned.

Shizuo frowned and got off his bed.

 _I've been thinking about Izaya way too much recently, I need to get him out of my head before I break something. Food… yes food will be the perfect distraction for me._ He thought as he exited his room and made his way downstairs.

His mother was on the phone as he entered the kitchen, she didn't notice his presence. Her conversation piqued his interest and Shizuo found himself eavesdropping.

"Wow! You really that it's possible…all this time without either of them knowing it."

Someone on the other end replied.

"Well I do agree with you. For one, it would be so typical of him to not notice something like this. I have had my suspicions or "motherly instincts" about it, because he's always talking about him."

His mother continued speaking and turned around to greet him with a smile, as if she wasn't surprised and had known that he had been there all the time.

"I'm sorry, but I think I need to go now. I hope that we can work something out" she put the phone down with a _clang_.

"Well?" she said before he could say anything.

"Well what?" he answered curtly.

"Aren't you going to ask about who was on the phone?" A daring glint came into his mother's eyes.

"I was just listening in, I don't really care about who you were talking too" he deadpanned as he opened the fridge door and took out a carton of milk.

"Well you should, because the conversation concerned you and a certain other person" she cooed. "Ask nicely Shizuo and I might just tell you".

"Okay, _please_ tell what you were talking about" He tersely retorted. Shizuo hated when his mother teased him, but at that moment he wasn't exactly in the best mood for it and he didn't want to snap at her.

"Well Shinra was on the phone and he was talking about a theory he had, it was very interesting and it concerned you and Izaya".

"Oh? Does he think that he and I are soul mates or something?" Shizuo joked as he took a large swig of milk.

"Yes, he just thinks that you haven't bonded yet"

Her reply caused him to spit out the milk that he was about to swallow.

His mother laughed. "There no need to be so shocked Shizuo. I think it's been very obvious from the start"

"But-what-how, Him and me" he blurted out in horror.

His mother's face became gentle. "Shizuo, remember my advice… you should always have hope in finding your Soulmate. You have strong feelings for Izaya, maybe you should think about it".

"But its _Izaya"_ He groaned, still reeling from the insinuation. "Couldn't you have told me...?"

"Maybe I was a little blunt, but knowing that you would deny it, I just wanted to tell you myself and work it out with you" his mother said earnestly, she approached him and put her arms around him tenderly. "Shinra called me and told me that you might have an unfulfilled bond with him, one that is influencing your emotions in a negative way. I love you a lot and if Izaya is your Soulmate, then I want you – both of you-to be happy".

Shizuo leaned into her embrace for a few minutes and breathed shallowly. His mind trying to accept the revelation that had been put forth, but it couldn't, he needed to-

"I need to think about this, I refuse to believe it for a single moment". He told her, undoing her arms from around him. "Shinra is wrong, he has to be".

His mother's eyes were full of concern as he stepped away from her and grabbed a house key from the kitchen counter.

"Where are you going?"

"I don't know, maybe just for a walk, or maybe I'll go and confront Izaya and…" he laughed shakily. "I feel angry and confused and…I just need some time to myself".

He turned away and briskly stomped out of the house, slamming the door on the sound of his mother's frantic call after him.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed it! I have the next chapter for this planned out.
> 
> A certain event is going to happen in the next chapter… one that I hope you've all been waiting for.


	4. Chapter 4-IV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew! Another chapter done! Unlike with the last chapter, I'm actually pleased with this one. After this chapter, this fic gets very interesting and we get to the real meat of the plot!
> 
> "Bounces in excitement"!
> 
> It's probably the longest P.O.V I have written yet for a single character (which is good for you, my dear readers as you get a whole chapter of Izaya being Izaya!) 
> 
> Lastly, I have exams coming in two weeks, so I'll try to update before then, but knowing me… (My other fic is being a pain as always! I have writers block the size of a mountain to overcome with it!)

* * *

 

It was a late and somewhat sweltering Sunday afternoon, unseemly overcast by grey clouds that heralded the threat of rain. Nevertheless, sunshine sixty and the surrounding streets were alive with the never-ending throng of people, all enjoying the last free hours they had before the inevitable conclusion of the weekend.

Izaya hummed as he watched them, all of them, since human observation was the one real passion he had. He adored seeing his beloved humans interact with one other, especially when something interesting or disruptive entered their mundane lives, and due to being far above them in a mental and ethereal sense, he could deconstruct all with meticulous glee. For instance, a group –no a clique- of female middle schoolers near him had gotten into an argument over a love confession between two of their members. He could hear everything in their heated exchange; there were talks of "disrupting the dynamic of their elite club" and a fierce verbal battle over whether it was "right or not, even if they had ended up bonded". It would be easy, deliciously easy, for him to go over there and derail the exchange, in the process dissolving a few, apparently long-held, friendships…

Strangely however, the thought of it did not give him any joy. Instead of the malicious enjoyment he had expected to feel, even at the possibility of intervening, all he felt was boredom and an expectation that he could spend his time doing… something better.

Izaya tapped his foot against the railing he was leaning against; he had paid the train fare and taken the half hour journey to Ikkebukuro from his home with the expectation of finding someone naïve or insipid to manipulate. But whatever he found could not entertain or even arouse his attentions.

Instead of manipulating others, all he could think of doing was fighting and playing with Shizu-chan and his emotions.

Since he could not get the blond out of his head, no matter how hard he tried, he had eventually conceded defeat to his wants and was now scouring the surrounding neighborhoods in search of the beast of Ikkebukuro.

But wherever he looked, he could not find the damn protozoan.

 _I know that Shizu-chan lives somewhere around here… why am I even contemplating this? Why am I wasting my time on a dumb beast that isn't even human?_ He shrugged. _I_ _have been thinking about Shizu-chan way too much recently, I need to get more sleep and ignore him…_

Suddenly, his phone rang and he answered it without pause, since the tone was one he used exclusively for his one certain friend, Shinra Kishitani.

"What is it Shinra?" he intoned casually, or as casually as he could be.

"Umm, is everything okay?" Shinra questioned meekly. "I haven't had a heart to heart with you for a while, so I just wondered how things were going"

"Is something wrong Shinra? You sound very worried about me." Izaya sniggered silently. "Oh I know what this is about, your all up in arms about me contacting Igarashi and planning my first proper foray into Tokyo's criminal underworld".

"That's not-"

"Oh I know it is Shinra. Thank you, but you don't need to get your knickers into a twist for my sake. To me, Igarashi is a means to an end, once I break some ground and get some proper contacts, I'm going to cut all ties with him and make him into a joke-".

"I'm not talking about that slime ball, Izaya" Shinra hurriedly exclaimed, real concern clear in his voice.

Momentarily stunned by his friends' tone, all Izaya could do was listen dumbly to his next words.

"Even if I've only seen him once, I know that he's bad for you. He's not harmless Izaya; Igarashi is a real criminal, even if just a minor one. He's not like the lowlife you've done dealings with before. If you piss him off…" He could hear Shinra take a deep stuttering breath. "Forget that for now, I'm concerned about something more immediate… It's Shizuo, have you seen him?" Shinra asked heatedly.

"Oh, you're just asking about _him._ Has Shizu-chan done something, something stupid and typical of him?" he said exultantly, shock melting at the mention of his archenemy and a snide edge entering his voice.

"He's gone off and… he left home because his mother told him a piece of information which caused him to get very angry-"

"So he's gone off on one of his rambles around the city, which means that he's likely to get into a fight in his bad mood…" Izaya remarked slyly. "May I ponder as to why?"

"I told him… that he and you were probably soul mates, latent –unbound- soul mates to be exact".

Shinra's words only surprised him for a few brief seconds; then he began to laugh, it was a deep high pitched sound that caused him to shake with the force of it. He even mockingly wiped a few fake tears from his eyes, just for his own amusement.

"Ahh Shinra, I haven't laughed so hard for such a long time…you must be pretty deluded to even think such a thing could be possible".

"I have proof Izaya! A big point is that you both keep on mentioning the want to make physical contact with each other. This is a common indicator of a latent bond, according to an article I found… Izaya if you don't fulfill a bond then it could be bad for your health. Knowing you, I bet that you were musing on Shizuo just before I made this call and I think that-"

"You think what Shinra? I should go up to Shizu-chan and explain everything to him, then he'll miraculously calm down and I'll invite him to tea so we can bond in a stable environment and have a great big party to celebrate the fact. Your just confused about a common fact of life Shinra, were both enemies and he's the only thing I hate in existence. But, most of all I don't even think Shizu-chan is human, just some dumb beast… so how can I _possibly_ be his Soulmate?" Izaya bit back.

"Look, is this about what happened with your father-"

"Uh-Uh Shinra, you must be crazy if you think that that has anything to do with this. I couldn't even care less about that, my father has always just been a typical human for me to observe and love. Oh will you look at the time, I need to go and play with a certain protozoan!"

"Izaya wait-"

He cut off Shinra with a simple flick of his phone and went back to scouring the surrounding neighborhood. After a few moments, he smiled and headed for a nearby alley, senses alert for any sign of his intended target.

Luckily, he heard a familiar roar and several crashes only a few blocks from him. Izaya's smile grew into one of his trademark gloating grins and his pace unconsciously increased.

After a few twists and turns through the labyrinth of alleys, he was greeted to what could only be, for him, a glorious sight.

Corned in a one-way alley, Shizuo stood facing a group of delinquents, the same one that Izaya had deliberately set on him not a week before. They had obviously got it into their stupid thick heads that they could take Shizu-chan on if they took him by surprise.

It would have been very amusing to watch them fail.

Sadly he would have to speed up the process a bit; firstly, he felt deprived enough of the fierce attentions of his favorite play toy and secondly, he knew that it was his right and his right only to get Shizu-chan so angry…

Dispelling any twinges of jealousy, Izaya put his hands into his pockets, fingering his flick blade as he did so, and sauntered jauntily into the open space and everyone's view.

The reactions were instantaneous. Half of the gang members jumped, while the other, including their leader, badly hid that they had as well.

Only Shizuo, dumb as hell yet sharp as a knife Shizuo, stayed unfazed, making it clear that he had expected for him to show up at some point. The only sign that he acknowledged Izaya at all was a furrowing of his scowl and the tightening of his hands on the pole he carried as a current weapon.

Their eyes met, hateful gold to unabashed crimson, Izaya could barely suppress the deep shiver that ran up his spine.

 _Finally Shizu-chan… we can have some proper fun at last._ Both became more focused on the other. _Yes, you may be able to see right through me, but your still a stupid beast and can be lead into a scuffle with only a few choice insults… and I revel in that fact, and you know, you know… the fact that you know gives me the most pleasure, it makes me feel…_

_Wanted_

The word slammed into his mind as if from some deep recess, it caused Izaya to blink and he could see that Shizuo had an erstwhile look of bewilderment on his face.

_That's not what I was thinking at all, why does Shizu-chan-_

His musing was cut off by an exclamation from the leader of the louts around him.

"What the fuck are you doing here Izaya? We want to deal with this pussy of a freak on our own"

The remark caused Shizuo to growl and Izaya shared his anger, albeit out of annoyance than a beastly primal feeling.

But he kept his countenance and turned to the thug without a change in his smirk.

"Ahh Oishi! I see that you're out having fun with your little bunch of friends. Unfortunately, you're playing with Shizu-chan when I want to play with him. How will we deal with this?" he got out his switchblade and flicked it open. "Oh I know! You could leave us and do something else…" he said slowly, without pause.

"I-Izaya, your'-"

"I know; you've actually displeased me enough for me to actually threaten you personally. So I'd go before I would have to attack you and your group, and be assured, it's a fight I would most definitely win".

The leader flinched and shrank away from him; he began to frantically signal his men for them to leave and despite several disagreeing mutterings, got them all to disappear in several minutes.

Looking back, Izaya could see that the beast was staring at him in dumb confusion and muted anger.

"Now that were alone Shizu-chan…" he said sultrily. "Maybe we could discuss our possible bond".

His words caused his beastly archenemy's eyes to widen in fury and he hoisted his pole up offensively towards him.

"How the hell do you know about that Izaya?" Shizuo barked at him shakily. "I bet it was Shinra… anyway it-it's not true".

Izaya laughed. "I know it's not protozoan, it's just one of Shinra's deranged ideas. Even so, it must have been terribly hard for you. All this time, you have had a faint hope of finding your soul mate, someone who can accept you for who you are, so I can only imagine what you went through when you were told that I was a possibility for your bond. Poor Shizu-chan, poor stupid as an ox Shizu-chan… If it's any consolation, just know that I would never acquiesce to being your soul mate, not even if hell froze over".

In response, Shizuo roared and threw his pole at Izaya. Who dodged it elegantly and immediately went back to sneering at the blonde.

"I wouldn't even want to be bonded to you, ever. So just shut the fuck up about it, please, and go". Shizuo said hoarsely, his voice seething with an undertone of intense rage.

"Have I struck a nerve Shizu-chan? Are you demanding me to leave you alone? Well I'll give the idea some consideration, but I'm really having too much fun to leave".

"B-bastard flea, Ill-"

"Do what Shizu-chan? Your pea sized brain must be working so hard for you to stay calm. Hey! I have an idea; maybe you've already bonded with someone. Your brother! It's only logical; you two are close enough already …"

Shizuo abandoned all thoughts of calm and went for him.

Izaya happily scrambled from the alley and led him towards the main thoroughfare of Sunshine Sixty.

* * *

 

Izaya huffed, the clouds above him had started to grow dark and he had began to try to lose the blonde, wanting to get to cover rather than face the possibility of a chase in the rain.

 _It's not that I don't enjoy this, because it's the only time I feel alive… Crazily, I've also started to get the urge to touch Shizu-chan again…_ he thought dryly.

Snapping back to reality, Izaya jumped and barely dodged a trashcan that had been aimed at his head.

Shizuo appeared at the corner he had just gone around.

"I'll break you into little pieces you little shit. I should have murdered you the first time I saw you. You could never ever be bonded to me…I'll prove it to everyone, I'll punch your arrogant face in so that they know we aren't soul mates" he yelled.

"It's good to know you're as testy and as immature as ever Shizu-chan". Izaya bantered back and continued running.

The heavens opened and it began to rain.

"Shit!" Izaya cursed aloud, earning him a victorious look from Shizuo.

"You'll have to stop running soon. Won't you Izaya? Otherwise your precious clothing will get all wet".

Already damp, Izaya cursed and looked ahead.

The once vibrant street that had been full of his precious humans was now almost deserted. Only a few distant figures were covering their heads and scampering in an effort to get out of the rain.

Then he spotted a pair of stairs heading down. A sign announced that it was a connection to Tokyo's underground.

He made way for them.

Unfortunately for him, Shizuo had gotten the same idea and was determined to cut him off.

The air around them was growing thick with something, something that had waited a long time for its moment.

Shizuo let off a burst of speed and reached the top of the stairs just as Izaya did.

He reached for him.

Izaya curved and made an effort to push him.

The result was that Shizuo grabbed his hand for a brief, unnoticed moment before he battered it away.

The world stopped.

Both saw white as their mind and visions veered and adjusted to a new connection. Becoming one for a brief moment at the birth of a new bond, that soon surged with unending strength.

Then the moment ended as Izaya slashed at Shizuo's hand with his blade, afraid of the invasive sensations and the distant but new existence at the corner of his mind.

Both unconsciously ignored the feelings as they were too caught up in current circumstances to face them.

Izaya stumbled down the stairs, away from a stunned Shizuo, switchblade still out.

He pushed his way onto the first train he saw, not even caring if it didn't lead home.

Shivering, Izaya made his way to a seat and wrapped his arms around himself, trying to rid his body of a sudden numbness that had robbed it of all its strength.

Somehow, he could tell that it wasn't because of the rain, because he had barely gotten soaked.

Then his head erupted in pain and he groaned.

His mind was suddenly a weight, a hindrance, he couldn't even think of his beloved humans-

It was getting worse, now there were two large and equal weights.

 

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Izaya… don't worry, things can only get better from this point on! Right?
> 
> Please leave kudos!


	5. Chapter 5-V

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry for the delay (two months!) with this one, but my exams literally finished two weeks ago and I had work experience immediately after.
> 
> I hope this chapter is okay after such a long wait, since it deals with some hinted plot points and is about the "aftermath" of what Shizuo and Izaya go through after their bonding.
> 
> There will be interaction between them in Ch 6, which I am hoping to release in a few weeks.

* * *

  _It was raining, and he was running. He didn't know if he was running to or from something, since nothing seemed to be around him and he couldn't sense any other living presence apart from himself. _

_ The only things he could hear was the wet thumps of his feet hitting the ground as he ran, and the haggardness of his breath as he tried to catch it. From this, the only thing he could gather was that he must have been running for a long time.  _

_ Feeling annoyed by the lack of anything happening, he stopped and clutched his sides, taking in long gulps of air to recover from his exertion.  _

_Just as he evened his breathing and became calm, the rain stopped and everything stilled._

_ He blinked and suddenly he found himself in the middle of Ikkebukuro, or at least a grey and empty version of it.  _

_ A downward staircase appeared before him, a sign above it announced that it was a stop for the Tokyo underground.  _

_He snickered and took a step down, as he did so he felt a hand on his wrist and heard someone saying his name._

" _Izaya"_

_ He turned around and saw- _

Izaya woke up.

"Izaya, IZAYA! Wake up already! Its school time" yelled an excessively cheerful and hyperactive voice. It took him a moment to recognize it as his sister Mairu's.

His headache, which hadn't dissipated at all during the night, flared up again and he groaned in anguish, feeling as if he had just woken up twice rather than once.

"Come on Iza-nii! Mummy told us to get you up quickly, if you don't jump out of bed now, then you're definitely going to be late to catch your train to school and won't be able to have any breakfast" Mairu screamed loudly, obviously enjoying tormenting him. "Personally Kururi and I don't care about you, but Mummy knows that you skipped school again yesterday, and since she had too many business meetings to attend, she couldn't do anything about it. So she wants you to go today and told us to wake you up!"

"So wake up and get out of bed!" his other sister, Kururi shouted; at a pitch even higher than her twin's.

Too tired to argue and wanting to get rid of his annoying sisters as quickly as possible, he sat up in bed and gave them a steely glare, accompanied by a surprisingly volatile growl.

"Ooo, is Iza-nii trying to be scary? Or is he just impersonating his "hated" enemy after being out with him? Both of us know that you secretly  _adore_ Shizuo and that's why you were late coming home last night". Mairu said mockingly.

Still too sleepy to take the mature route and ignore his Sisters, Izaya allowed anger, at the insinuation that he held any feelings –since all of his, unique, godlike love was only for the entirety of humanity- for an inhuman beast, to course through him unwarrantedly. Managing to hide most of his fury, he rubbed his eyes and gave both twins another glare, the most poisonous and hateful one he could conjure up.

When it only accomplished in making his sisters giggle and high-five each other in apparent victory over him, Izaya's anger grew uncharacteristically and he took a deep breath of air in an effort to calm down and gather his wits, then he spoke.

"Mairu… Kururi…. Leave now and never again disturb me in the morning or even _suggest_ that I hold any degree of affection for that monster, or I'll do something to you… Neither of you want  to be separated again, right? I can always persuade Anko that Hiroshi would looove to see only one of his daughters for a few weeks to reconnect with them, since both of them are such a handful together…" he whispered coldly, before either of them could say something smug about his lack of control.

"You win this time Iza-nii; just know that you're creepy for referring to our parents by their first names and for menacing us with the threat of separating us by sending one of us to that idiot and wet blanket. Even if he didn't mean to, it's his fault and  _her_ fault for what happened with Mummy… I hate men". His sister said dejectedly, her lips forming a half pout. Then she bounced up and smiled brightly at him. "That means you're a wet blanket too Iza-nii! Because at least Kururi and I got over it and can celebrate soulmates and being bonded with each other!" She then turned away from him and nuzzled her twin affectionately.

Before he could reply, there was a shout from the stairs.

"Coming Mummy!" Mairu answered loudly, causing his headache to swell yet again as she swept from the room with her twin, and slammed the door behind them.

Izaya groaned and slid back down into his bed, pulling the sheets around him in a feeble attempt to block out the sharp pain that invaded his head.

_My stupid sisters_ , _I need my morning time…_ _and what the hell is with this headache_? _I've never had something as bad as this._ He grimaced. _And I feel strange… I've just realized how horribly alone I've been until now, and I feel reassured –something's soothing me-, that I never will be again…_

Izaya stilled, before he churlishly smirked and laughed sharply to himself. Then he jumped out of bed and headed for his bathroom, enduring and ignoring the bearing weight of his migraine as he did so.

_I'm just having weird thoughts, and a headache, because of my strange dream and the annoying wake up call of my sisters, plus I was caught out in the rain yesterday and got home late. So it's pretty obvious that I'm just sleepy and need to get into the swing of things. Besides, I've never been lonely; I have all of my lovely humans! _He assured himself, dry swallowing two aspirin from a packet by his sink.

He hummed as he got dressed in his usual clothes, then he grabbed his phone and headed downstairs.

Izaya's smirk grew when he saw that his mother-no, Anko- was at the kitchen table, clutching a cup of coffee and barely hiding that she was very nervous and worried, and knowing the circumstances, probably about him and his late night return home.

"Good morning Anko!" he said cheerfully, before changing his expression to one of fake confusion. "Aren't you late for work? You should have left home by now; your boss, Fujibayashi, is going to be very angry".

Anko, who he knew was usually a shrewd and cold businesswoman through observation, sighed and stared at him with tired, yet caring eyes

"Izaya, please don't tease me and don't call me by-"she stopped and groaned, her gaze abruptly sharpened and she continued sternly. "I am grounding you and halving your pocket-money; I have had enough of you skipping school and coming home at some ungodly hour. Izaya, you know that I need your help looking after the house and your younger sisters since we can't afford a sitter. Plus, you should be setting a better example for them, as their older brother you should be more responsible and mature".

Izaya rolled his eyes at her words.

Anko grimaced. "Izaya… I know that punishing you never seems to do anything, since you just ignore me and continue being truant. Even so, I need to try to teach you a lesson. I'm worried about you, ever since the divorce, you're misbehaving has escalated. I know that it's been difficult, and as your mother I've worked hard and done everything I can to support you, Mairu and Kururi. You three are my entire world, however in order for this family to stay content and well provided for, I need your help. You're almost old enough to live on your own, once you finish school you can go and earn a living and make your own way through life. But for now you're my responsibility, so I want you to attend Raira today and make an effort to further your education. Please Izaya… I'm in enough trouble at work and I can't keep on doing _everything_ " she implored.

"Anko, you've always been just another human being. I can't love you in a special way because of our familial connection, since it would be unfair for all the other humans, same for Mairu and Kururi. I'll go to school today, but for my amusement, not yours.Since there's someone I want to play with, my most hated enemy! I'll get breakfast on the way, ciao!"

Ignoring Anko's troubled look of bewilderment and uneasy concern, he grabbed her wallet, gave her a lazy wave and headed out the front door.

Outside, Izaya began whistling a tune as he started towards school.

* * *

 

_Earlier_

* * *

 

_ Water, chasing, a bland Ikkebukuro, stairs leading down, subway, someone there… _

_ Reaching out, that someone turning, and- _

" _Izaya"_

His alarm blared.

Shizuo blinked up at his ceiling, the light from his window casting a hazy golden halo over it.

Still drowsy, he extended his hand and tapped his clock with a single finger. It stopped beeping, albeit with an extra dent in its frame.

As he sat up, an intense wave of pain overcame his senses, causing him to clasp his forehead and grit his teeth.

_Fuck! My head hurts! It's even worse than yesterday. And why do I feel as if my alarm is still on, no! Someone is yelling at me_. He thought.

The disturbance was so bad that he found himself angrily growling into the emptiness of his room. Shizuo quickly stopped and glared, berating himself for his actions and feeling puzzled at why he had even growled in the first place.

_Tch, it's just my tired mind and headache affecting me. I'm all alone, there's no one with me_. _Wait! Why do I feel as if there is someone here? Not in my room but in my mind. The presence, it's lonely... I'm here now; it doesn't have to be anymore. It's going to be all right… _he soothed his mind.

A sudden ache and bitter feeling startled Shizuo out of his reverie.

_What the fuck am I doing? It doesn't matter; I'm going to be late for school if I don't- however I live near school so it isn't a problem for me... Ahh fuck it! I should just get on with it. I can sort myself out later. _He shook his head and lumbered out of bed.

Grabbing his jacket, shirt and pants, he felt a strange sense of déjà vu as he dressed, which only grew as he took two aspirin and went downstairs.

_Have I… what the hell IS wrong with me? Did I bond with someone yesterday? My mother told me that I would start sensing the emotions and circumstances of the other person, and my headache could be a connection. But I couldn't have, I would know. Because otherwise, it means that Shinra's idea… no, I'm not even going to consider it, there is no way in any fucking hell that I could have bonded with_ _ **him.**_ He tensed and narrowed his eyes as he entered the kitchen, refusing to accept the conclusion he had just reached.

"Shizuo is something wrong?" his mother asked, having noticed his stormy expression.

Shizuo looked up at her and hastily smiled, albeit in a strained manner.

"I'm fine, I just slept badly" he lied smoothly, as he went to get food out and prepare his breakfast.

"Okay, if you're sure… are you going to talk to Shinra about his theory first or, knowing you, confront Izaya about it directly?" his mother stated bluntly.

"I don't need to talk to Shinra, because I saw Izaya yesterday, and I didn't bond with him" he answered pointedly. Strangely his headache flared and his mouth tasted sour after he told her, as if he had just lied about something paramount, something that he shouldn't ever deny.

"So you did see him! Why didn't you tell me? No… are you sure, did you touch him?" his mother said exasperatedly.

"I think so; anyways, nothing happened. I would have noticed if a bond was made between us. After we touched he just ran away and I came here, soaked but fine otherwise" _Except for a mental hangover that fucking hurts_ he added internally.

"Shinra and I, we were so sure that you and Izaya were…Maybe the rain could have distracted you, dulled your senses or something? No, knowing bonding, something like that wouldn't happen, unless…"

His mother sounded disappointed.

Shizuo shrugged as he poured himself a glass of milk, staying unnaturally calm and feeling oddly manipulative.

"I was right I guess; the flea and I aren't soulmates. I don't know why Shinra even got the idea in the first place. I mean, there's no one I hate more than Izaya and being forced to think that I would have to spend the rest of my life with him…" Shizuo shivered. "…only increased that hatred and made it more volatile, I'm going to kick that louse's face in when I see him".

At his words, His mind rapidly erupted in anguish and Shizuo almost winced, barely keeping his composure in front of his mother.

"Oh Shizuo, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be presumptuous about something this important. I was just trying to help". His mother hugged him. "I'm sure that you won't be alone forever, remember my advice: "never stop looking for them". One day you'll have someone who can understand and appreciate you the way I, your father and Kasuka do; except in a way that none of us will ever understand, the unfathomable way of the bond".

Shizuo felt bad for deceiving her, –was he doing it intentionally? Or was he deceiving himself as well? But there was no way it could be true, he and Izaya were- even so, he hugged her back.

Then he noticed something.

"Where's Kasuka?"

His mother stepped back from him.

"He, well… he left early Shizuo. You know that scouting agent you… threatened a week or two ago? Well he called and offered Kasuka a contract; he said that he couldn't get him out of his mind and that he felt gratitude towards him for saving his life by calming you down. Kasuka considered it and decided that he was going to accept it". His mother glowed with happiness. "Just before he went this morning, he told me that he felt a "pull" from the offer, as if couldn't avoid accepting it or he would regret it later. It's the same distant feeling I had before I met your father, when I applied for Tokyo University; even if several years passed before I actually met him".

Still conflicted over his own possible bond; Shizuo nevertheless smiled dumbly at the news and his mother's recollection, feeling very happy though somewhat jealous of his brother.

_ Well I always knew that he would have it easier than me when finding his soul mate… good luck Kasuka.  _

"Oh is that the time, Shizuo you're going to be late-"

"It's alright, I'll eat quickly".

"Well, I'll leave you to it I guess. I need to go speak to a friend about something".

His mother picked up her phone and left the room.

Shizuo chuckled as he realized who she was calling, and then went to eat.

There was a newspaper on the table, and Shizuo, without anything better to do, browsed it lightly as he ate.

He snorted at a back page spread of a couple claiming to have bonded live on air during a reality TV show, but mellowed when he read that a bonded man had murdered his wife and child before committing suicide due to losing his job. Then he read an article that got him thinking, it was about the statistics of newly registered bonded couples and how they were drastically falling- only a mere 100 had been verified in the last year alone.

_ Soulmates, the "bond", really is something unique. Maybe I should give it a chance, no, there's no point, even if… _

He cleaned up, grabbed his bag and left the house in a daze; walking to school in a tempest of thoughts.

When he reached Raira he sighed and leaned against the gates.

_ Well my headache has gotten better, is Izaya here? Did I bond with someone else? Or did I bond at all? I'm not going to tell anyone else about this, and if I do want to find out whether I have a soulmate or not, then there's only one place I can go… _

He entered Raira and made his way to his classroom.

* * *

 


	6. Chapter 6-VI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for not updating or replying to anyone's comments! RL has been a bitch recently and I meant to get this chapter out sooner. I've been having problems with insomnia lately and I was only getting 4-5 hours of sleep a night for about a week. 
> 
> Anyways! "breaks out champagne"- This fic is Six months old- HAPPY 6 MONTH ANNIVERSARY PEOPLE! I'm overwhelmed by the amount of love shown for this story- all the kudos,comments and subscribers make my heart swell. In celebration, I'd like to share my favorite Shizaya fic, its on ff-net, and it's called "What you don't surrender" by Caffeinekitty (You should read all her other DRRR! stories- she captures both Shizuo and Izaya perfectly, much better than I'll ever be able to) at the moment I'm reading it for the third time and its breaking my heart all over again. (Just a fair warning, it contains triggers since it has both violence and flashbacks to a rape scene).
> 
> Here it is- Ch 6! I've already started writing Ch 7 so hopefully it should be out sooner rather than later, but knowing me, I'm making no promises.
> 
> Oka-san = Mother
> 
> Enjoy!

* * *

 

Shinra was perplexed, because of two things.

Firstly, he was confused about Shizuo's and Izaya's possible bond. When Shizuo's mother had phoned him that morning and told him the news that both of them had apparently touched and not bonded, he had been completely and utterly taken aback, since it meant that his theory had been wrong. This annoyed him greatly because he was rarely wrong and if he was wrong then he must be losing his intellect, and if he was losing his intellect, then he would never be able to impress Celty and make her fall in love with him…

He groaned and slumped against his desk, ignoring the strange looks his classmates were giving him.

_ My brains are all I have! If I lose them, then how am I going to charm Celty! I know that I'm a smart guy... Therefore I must be right about Shizuo and Izaya! I just have to prove it! _

He quickly shook himself and pretended to get involved in his schoolwork, before his teacher could call him out on his sprawled position and lack of attention.

Even if he was now determined to prove their bond and –more importantly- his theory, he couldn't help but feel slightly worried at Shizuo's behavior that morning, this was his second concern.

He stole a look at his friend and sighed, Shizuo had been acting… off ever since morning registration. It was quite obvious that something was weighing in on his mind because he had almost arrived late to school, having come in when their home teacher had read out the first name for morning registration. Shinra knew that this was a rare occasion, as Shizuo usually got in at least five minutes before he did. Also, as further evidence of his friend's odd behavior, Shizuo had paid barely any attention in their lessons so far, instead either staring out of the window or chewing his pen absentmindedly. He had been reprimanded numerous times and had taken no notice. This was a complete contrast to his normal attitude, since Shizuo always strived to do his best to make up for his bad test grades and many detentions.

_ Shizuo only behaves like this after a really bad fight with Izaya… I need to find out what happened, so I can prove their bond and thus be worthy of Celty.  _ Shinra thought.  _But I'm going to need help, and there's only one person I can trust with something like this…_

Keeping up his studious façade, Shinra swiftly retrieved his phone from his bag and sent a text message under the table.

_ Please pick up, hopefully you've noticed Shizuo's mood and know me well enough, know just how stupid I can be… _

He heard a vibration and the sound of someone coughing sharply.

Trying –and failing- to hide a brazen smile, Shinra turned and met the disapproving glare of Kyohei Kadota, or Dotachin as he had been unabashedly nicknamed by his friends. Kadota only looked at him for a moment before he ducked his head dismissively in a show of ignorance.

Pouting at his friend's attitude, Shinra jumped as his own phone suddenly vibrated. To his acute surprise, it was a reply from his aforementioned classmate.

[Why now? Can't we talk about Shizuo during lunch break?]

Shinra made a face to himself and texted back, invoking a whirlwind exchange between them.

[You know he'll confront Izaya then, so we have to talk now!]

[It's obvious that they've had a really bad fight, so what can we do? Do I have to remind of what happened the last time we tried to interfere?]

[I don't think it's just that. Wait, I forgot to tell you about my theory! I think Izaya and Shizuo are soul mates!]

Shinra pretended not to hear the sound of muffled laughter from behind him.

[Before you ask, no I'm not joking. I think they touched yesterday and that's why Shizuo seems to be so down. He's probably confused over it.] He swiftly forwarded, before Kadota could send him a mocking text as he knew he would.

[Ok I'll take you seriously on this. Personally, I think you're wrong and completely crazy. But I'll bite, as your theory could explain Izaya's behaviour.]

[Izaya! But he doesn't usually come into school, does he?]

[He actually came in today, when I saw him this morning he seemed his usual self, but I got the impression that he was confused and distracted about something. He didn't talk to anyone and went straight to his class.]

[I've known Izaya for a long time, the behaviour which you've described to me is completely out of character for him. Usually he only comes to Raira on rare days when he's bored, and when he does so he tries to create as much chaos as possible by manipulating others, or "playing with his beloved humans" as he calls it. If he's acting so quietly, then he must be planning or something definitely did happen between him and Shizuo-] Shinra stopped, and then he smiled.

_What's the point in denying it any longer?_ He mused as he erased and rewrote the final passage of his message, so that it now read: [or he bonded with Shizuo and can't deal with a bonds implications, I bet that  the possibility of it hasn't even crossed his mind.]

[We don't know yet, seriously. Anyway, what are we going to do with them if they have bonded? Break it to them gently? You and I both know that Shizuo's going to flip if it's confirmed and Izaya… I hope that they aren't bonded, since Shizuo deserves someone better, Izaya has given him enough trouble and he would use a bond to make Shizuo's life a living hell.]

[Kadota, first of all, a bond doesn't work like that, it's a two way link. If Izaya causes Shizuo pain, then he'll suffer just as much. You see, a bond unites two people, as if two halves have become a new whole. Bonded people share thoughts, dreams, feelings… everything. Heck, they even develop a way to speak to each other mentally, hiding all their thoughts away from the world in solitude. I wish I shared something like that with my Celty, but we don't need it, were perfect just as we are!]

[Shinra, really, you've been spending too much time talking to Shizuo's mother and I know everything about bonded couples, so you don't need to lecture me. It's just that Izaya's irrational hatred of Shizuo might make him do something stupid. I've started to hope that I never end up bonded it sounds like too much of a hassle. Enough of getting sidetracked! It's almost lunch time and we still haven't come up with a strategy of dealing with Shizuo and Izaya.]

[Don't worry Dotachin! I have a plan! If we act covertly and talk to Shizuo and Izaya separately, ease them into the idea of having a bond, then we might be able to get them onto speaking terms and they could sort it out between themselves. Shizuo's mother could help us with that.]

[Don't call me Dotachin, and if we're doing this "covertly" then you're speaking to Izaya since you know him better and I'll talk to Shizuo because I can handle his-Teach!]

Shinra furrowed his brow and turned off his phone.

He heard a dry cough and looked up, only to see that it was his sensei, who was staring down at him with dull, un-amused eyes.

The bell for lunch rang.

* * *

The sun was shining, birds were singing, and he was surrounded by his beloved humans.

But Izaya couldn't figure out exactly why he had decided to go to school that day, all his lessons had bored him to death, and he hadn't felt like playing with his beloved humans at all, instead he became oddly ashamed if he even thought about doing it.

He was leaning against the side of Raira's roof, contemplating his actions and trying to scramble through the mess that was his current state.

_My headache may have dimmed, but why do I still feel sort of offbeat? As if coming to school was the only logical thing I could do, rather than spend my time doing something more productive, such as forging closer links with the Yakuza and the underground…_ He groaned as his stomach growled. _And why do I seem so hungry? Usually I don't have an appetite at all, especially for Raira's terrible food. Also, my thoughts keep on turning to Shizu-chan, where is he? He's in my head all the time for some reason. _Izaya thought sluggishly.

Suddenly, the sun seemed to be too bright and the chatter of his fellow students around him too loud.

He had to struggle to stop his bleary eyes from closing against the volatile sensations, trembling; Izaya forced his way to a nearby bench and collapsed onto it.

_It's just like when I was on the subway._

Then he bristled as a sudden wave of… _anger –at himself, no- _overcame him and he snapped his attention to the stairwell that led up to the roof, just as a certain protozoan appeared at the top.

The people around him took notice and quickly began to move away, wisely knowing that the confrontation between the two enemies could turn deadly at any moment.

"Flea, I'm going to punch your face in for setting that gang on me yesterday" Shizuo yelled loudly, stomping towards him.

"Ah Shizu-chan, have you come to attempt revenge? And knowing your destructive tendencies, wreck the roof so that your parents have to pay another bill?" Izaya jeered as best he could.

It was then that he noticed that Shizuo seemed to be shaking, as if he was having a hard time being able to stand up straight.

"Fucking Louse, why…" the beast managed to stutter.

"Shizu-chan looks weak; maybe you should have a seat before you keel over!" It had meant to come out as insulting, but for some strange reason Izaya found himself being genuine, since the monster before him really did look unwell, at least as bad as he was feeling.

"Tch! Maybe  _you_ should get up and face me coward. Then I can knock some sense into you for even suggesting that I'm weak" Shizuo retorted and clenched his jaw, resolutely staying put.

"You're such a stubborn monster Shizu-chan; it's plainly obvious that you're not your usual self since your  _swaying._ Look, I know you have a direly undeveloped brain so I'll repeat myself: sit down before you collapse or otherwise you'll suffer the ignobility of me laughing at you hysterically".

The beast scowled at him, but, unexpectedly, gave in and took a seat next to him. Izaya flinched as Shizuo brushed him, inching away as soon as he had settled.

"Happy?" Shizuo snapped and immediately averted his gaze, looking at anything but him.

Izaya allowed himself to relax, no matter how bizarre the current situation was he was too exhausted and lightheaded to really care about it. Plus, Shizuo was in exactly the same condition as he was so he wasn't a threat.

"Flea, you can feel it, right?" Shizuo said suddenly, only a mild tremor of rage present in his voice.

"Ne, the only thing I can see is that you want to hit me, unfortunately if I had any idea that Shizu-chan hated violence so much I wouldn't -"

"Shut up! I never mentioned that!" Shizuo bellowed and exploded. "All morning I've felt like shit and haven't been able to concentrate on any of my work, since  _you_ keep on  wandering into my thoughts. I refuse to believe that we're… oh, fuck everything! Neither of us can deal with it now and I'm not even sure anymore, I don't know what to do".

Izaya frowned as everything, even his enemy's confusing words, began to fade away. He just had to rest, he needed to…

The sluggishness evaporated slightly as he was enveloped in a large pair of arms and forcibly cradled against a firm chest.

_ Izaya, you need to rest. It's- Oh shit.  _

_ Shizu-chan, what? _

_ Just go to sleep Izaya, it's obvious that our-the intensity of a bond is too much for you. Damn, why do I feel like doing this? _

_ Shizu-chan, you're being loud and I would never let you hug me… is this a dream? _

_Yeah it's a dream, so go to sleep and dream… it. It's not important; you can forget it when you wake up._

_But it is important, I know it is and why are we?_

Izaya fell asleep and curled into the warmth.

* * *

He was bonded to Izaya Orihara, there was no doubt anymore, it was a fact.

It pissed him off.

_Why the fuck did it have to be him?_ _He's a dirt bag and a louse… he's also a man... IM NOT FUCKING GAY! I HAVE NOTHING AGAINST THEM, BUT I SHOULD HAVE BONDED WITH A GIRL, IF AT ALL!_ Shizuo internally raged, only to cool down when he saw Izaya's face twitch. _Fucking telepathy and instinct of a bond, making me want to comfort him and hold him. I need to calm down, even if he is clamped to me, I'll just wake him up if I continue thinking like this, so…_

"What should I do?" he whispered to himself as quietly as he could, Izaya's sleeping mind already making him drowsy.

He shook himself and grimaced, he had to stay awake and formulate a strategy, a way of hiding their bond without harming either of them or Izaya knowing.

To do that, he needed to think clearly and to do this, he had to put some distance between him and Izaya.

Taking a deep breath, Shizuo got up and gently moved Izaya until he was spread out evenly on the bench.

He went to the top of the stairs and hesitated, he actually hated leaving the flea all alone, a part of him even wanted to stay…

Shizuo swore and fought the urge head on, closing his eyes and making his way down the stairs until he was in the main hall.

He slumped against a wall and sighed, he could still feel Izaya's mind and the effort of staying awake and ignoring his bond was getting to him.

"The closer I stay to him, the stronger the bond is going to get. Shit! I need to leave school or I'm going to whiteout as well. That means I'm going to be skiving… sorry Oka-san" he said under his breath.

He grit his teeth and made his way to Raira's locker room, sighing with relief as he finally felt Izaya's mind ease to the edge of his own.

_I can finally think in peace!_ He opened his locker and retrieved his bag and sneakers. _Ok, from what I remember about bonds, its best for two recently bonded people to stay near each other, to allow the bond to fully develop and stabilize… As if I can adhere to that, the only thing I can do is avoid Izaya at all costs and allow our bond to thin out on its own. _He grimaced. _Shit! It's going to hurt like hell. No, this is the only way it can be done. Izaya and I hate each other too much to become friends or even –_he shuddered- _lovers as bonded people tend to be. Therefore I don't have to tell him about it, I only have to weather the next few days and then I can- _

He was interrupted by an exclamation from behind him.

"Hey Shizuo, I've been looking for you!"

_ Shinra! Why now, of all times. _

"What is it Shinra, I'm kind of busy at the moment" he growled sternly, cutting off his friend.

"Ok then-Wait, what are you doing? Shizuo, are you leaving? Shinra asked.

"Yes" he replied bluntly.

"It's because of Izaya, isn't it?"

Shizuo ignored him and made his way to Raira's front door, only to be cut off by his friend, who had a determined look on his face and had his arms spread out wide.

"Get out of my way Shinra; I need to get away from Raira. Its stinks too much like the flea at the moment". Shizuo said icily, clearly at the end of his tether.

"I can't let you leave Shizuo, I know that you bonded with Izaya yesterday… S-so don't go, Kadota and I, we want to help you, help both of you". Shinra stammered, knowing who he was going up against.

At the news that someone **knew** and was **concerned** about it _,_ coupled with his recent interactions with Izaya, almost  caused Shizuo to lose it then and there, it was only the thought of letting down Celty, that stopped him from breaking Shinra's bones. Instead he deftly poked Shinra on the forehead with a finger, watched him crumple to the ground, stepped over him and sauntered out of the school building.

It was only five minutes later, when he was near the main thoroughfare of Ikkebukuro, that it struck him.

_ I'm never going to be happy; being bonded with Izaya has stopped me from ever bonding with anyone else, and if I do get interested in anyone, then the guilt of the bond will stop me from forming any meaningful relationships.  _ Shizuo stopped in the middle of the busy pavement he was on and processed the realization, then he began to laugh, he laughed until his eyes watered with the force of it.  _Its poetic justice isn't it! For both of us! He's a prideful good for nothing who likes playing with people's emotions and I'm a vicious bastard who can't control his unnatural strength. Ha! We're practically made for each other, the hatred I had for him when I first saw him should have told me so!_

Shizuo wiped his eyes and smiled beatifically. Even if the truth was terrible, it was certain, and that meant that he didn't have to care anymore, he didn't have to look for his soul mate anymore, he had found his and it was someone he wholly deserved.

_ I need a vice, if my soul mate can have his obsession with humanity, then I can have something equally selfish. I wonder if I can buy a packet of cigarettes anywhere… _

Humming, Shizuo turned on his heel and headed deeper into Ikkebukuro, his heart breaking and splintering all the while.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Shizuo...


	7. Chapter 7-VII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally! I'm extremely sorry for the long wait (Over 2 months ). But writers block (I scrapped the whole of this twice), and school work, since this is my final year before I hopefully enter Uni, stopped me from getting this out weeks earlier.
> 
> Lengthier A/N at the end (With surprises!).
> 
> Oh! And if you felt sorry for Shizuo at the end of the last chapter, be prepared to feel sorry for Izaya in this one.

* * *

  _Izaya Orihara was annoyed, because he was dreaming again. He hadn't any great use for it and sleep itself was only a needed medium until he could awaken and go back to playing with his fascinating humans. _

_ He also disliked it because it confused him; it marred with his love for humanity and caused him to second guess himself and reflect on his belief in his own godlike status over others.  _

_ His current dream was doing nothing to improve his mood, since it contained the presence of his hated enemy. _

_ They were both on Raira's roof and seemed to be having a discussion about something, he couldn't make out what they were talking about, but he could tell it was important.  _

_ Then he fell asleep, in his own dream, and Shizu-chan had the audacity to cuddle with him, even if he didn't seem to be enjoying it, and was arguing with himself.  _

_ It was rather annoying, and Izaya almost woke up (in the dream at least) to tell the beast to stuff it and get to sleep himself, since he was obviously tired and worn out.  _

_ Sadly, Shizu-chan ignored him and got up, leaving his body lying on the bench in a stupid position.  _

_Dumb protozoan! If you leave me like that I'll have aches, I prefer to sleep on my side not my back, unless I have a pillow! You fool!_

_ He should have known, however, for some reason Izaya knew he hadn't because he was asleep and… _

_Wait, what?_

_ He ignored his strange thoughts and went back to watching the dream, just in time to witness Shizu-chan leaving the roof. Strangely, Izaya found his consciousness following his adversary than staying with his body.  _

_ Shizu-chan was thinking intensely about something, and getting further away… _

_ Izaya tried to resist the futile urge to call after him. Shizuo was going to despair over his future… hurt them both with his callousness. _

_ He needed to wake up, find him and shake some sense and intelligence- _

_ Then- _

Izaya blinked up at an unfamiliar bleached white ceiling, he blearily eased himself up onto his elbows and looked around. He was lying on a rather shabby bed in what looked to be an infirmary, probably Raira's. His clothes were lying neatly folded on a chair, meaning…

Izaya blushed uncharacteristically, as he realised he was wearing nothing but his underclothes and red shirt. He shook himself and tried to resist the urge to go back to sleep, he had to get up and get back to business, namely making a meeting with Igarashi.

Just as he sat up and became fully awake, a wave of deep _harsh_ sadness overcame him and his head welled up with a new headache. Izaya found he couldn't resist the sensations and fell back against the pillow.

_Just like this morning, except this time, it's worse, much much worse. _He thought.

Then both departed as soon as they had appeared, leaving him feeling slightly disorientated but otherwise, _fine, he was fine_.

Deciding that he had had enough and was only tired, Izaya forced himself up and put on his clothes.

Then, as he was reaching for the door, it was thrown open from the other side and Shinra entered the room, closely followed by Raira's elderly nurse.

"You see, I think they both-"Shinra was saying excitedly while holding an ice pack to his forehead, only for him to stop and frown when he was that he was awake.

"Izaya you need to go back to bed and rest, it's possible that you're suffering from extreme mental aching and discomfort, since you formed a bond only recently and haven't had a chance to let it settle or develop" Shinra said seriously, or at least as seriously as Izaya had ever seen him. He also noticed that Shinra had a large bruise under the ice pack he was holding, which caused him to feel a strange pang of guilt.

"Shinra, whatever insane things you may think, I haven't formed a bond with anyone, least of all Shizu-chan. More importantly-"he answered back.

"Izaya shut up and Listen! An hour and a half ago Kadota found you passed out, stone cold and shivering uncontrollably, on Raira's roof. So he brought you here and the school nurse, who is a trained medic professional by the way so don't have any doubts about her hypothesis, took the circumstances into account and diagnosed you with a possible bond. We can't verify it until Shizuo is here sadly, but damn it all if I'm not right, I've had enough of you two being complete idiots around each other, even before the bond"

At his only friend's insistent words, Izaya grinned and clapped excitedly with mocking praise. "Well done Shinra! You actually had me for a moment. Unfortunately for you, I remember merely falling asleep heavily in the cold air on Raira's rooftop and must have caught a chill from that, so neither you, Sayoko nor Kadota need worry. In fact, I must thank you; the brief rest I've had has made me feel better than ever. As for your delusions about me being bonded, medically founded or not, I admit I had a slight headache this morning and I felt odd when coming into school, but both of these facts hardly constitutes a bond, ne? So if there are no more minor foibles for you to bother me with, I have far more important things to do than wait around here. Therefore, step aside and let me leave, or I'll… make my own way out".

He put his hands in his pockets and fingered his flick blade, tensing with rising anger, he had had enough of wasting time with his best friend and a single human that didn't interest him, Igarashi was expecting a call and a meet-up time from him and Izaya was excited to fulfil both and get on with forging a connection with the Yakuza, the only "career path" he wanted to take – _You have the brains to be something better, unlike me, you fucki-_ and the only one which interested him.

"Don't you dare leave and make me chase after you as well, Shizuo's already blundering around Ikkebukuro and-"Shinra's rant was stopped by a wrinkled hand on his arm.

The old nurse – _Sayoko_ \- stepped forward and gazed at Izaya disappointedly.

"I can tell a bond when I see one, young man, and I've been at Raira for more than thirty years. You're not the first student I've treated for a bond with another and not the last, I'm sure. So don't even think that I am mistaken in that respect. If you don't listen to your friend, who has been very worried about you and your potential bond mate, or follow proper advice for initial bonding, you could cause lasting physical and mental harm to yourself". She said slowly, as if to emphasise the main point of her speech, her eyes taking on a determined but sympathetic glint. "In the past, I've nursed Shizuo Heiwaijima several times for injuries from fights you've apparently been the cause of... knowing that, I think he deserves someone better than you, but bonds have always been mysterious with whom they bind together. Thus, I wonder, if you're not bonded with Shizuo Heiwaijima, then how do you know my name?"

Izaya smirked until it reached his ears, he especially loved humans who tried to lecture him or caution him, because in his own twisted way, he thought they were terribly cute in trying to stand up to him, their god.

He was going to have fun playing with this one.

- _Bastard! Stop it, I don't want to be forced to try to understand you, you the arrogant prick with a too large ego!-_

Izaya flinched in horror at the direction his thoughts had taken; how could he be so... self-righteous. Still, he took a deep breath and plastered his smirk back onto his face; he had everything under control-

"I know your name Sayoko, because I-"

Izaya blinked and began to panic, a sickening feeling developed in the pit of his stomach, he hadn't known her name before, before… It was unacceptable he realised…  _Why_ ? Why was he feeling like this? She treated Shizu-chan sometimes, which was the only solid fact he knew about her, and it was an important one.

The truth was he hadn't deemed her important enough to know or care about, in comparison to members of the yakuza or even ordinary members of Ikkebukuro's public. Raira's nurse had always been a blank spot for him; he had never met her, because he hadn't needed her for any medical needs, he had Shinra for that. But why did it feel like he had, she had bandaged scrapes and bruises he had caused and those feelings of _bitterness, pain_ -

Weren't his own, yet they were, washing over him from some deep recess.

He became aware of it then, there was a _thing_ inside his head, an alien presence that had separate emotions, difficulties, strengths. It wasn't him, it was-

_ Then it must be… No I refuse to believe it! Shizu-chan isn't, we didn't- _

He drowned out its answer with the roar of his own thoughts.

"Izaya are you all right? You've started shaking again and you look pale" someone asked in concern.

He ignored it whoever it was, His head spun, everything was converging, he hated it, what had he done to deserve it?

It was too much; he was beginning to heave now.

Sayoko snapped to attention and grabbed his shoulders, directing him towards a-

Shinra had a look of terrified concern.

He vomited into the basin in front of him and allowed Sayoko to support him on her weight, not caring if he was currently humiliating himself.

A soft hand was placed on to his clammy forehead and he allowed himself to be manoeuvred back to the bed, where he passed out yet again.

Only to wake up moments later, lying under the sheets and feeling like hell, no, worse than hell.

He noticed that someone was sitting next to him, on one of the infirmary's drab and peeling chairs.

"Shinra?" he rasped.

"Shhh, don't talk, you'll only make it worse. The nurse, Sayoko, has gone to get you some medication, something that will lessen the symptoms, but only temporarily". His friend whispered and took his hand. "Your mind is trying to adjust to the bond after being triggered for a second time, and since your bond mate isn't close enough for a connection; it's not doing it properly".

"It wasn't a dream…"

"Don't worry Izaya; I think that Shizuo, because of his strength and versatility finds it easier to cope with the effects of  bonding and has grossly underestimated its potency. Bonded pairs usually spend a few days in a stable environment and relative isolation with each other, in order to allow their bond to develop naturally without any distractions or parameters". Shinra squeezed his hand.

"But Shinra I heard Shizu-chans thoughts while-"

"You heard his _thoughts_ " Shinra's eyes were wide. "That isn't meant to happen NOW and at this early of a stage. He should be too far; the least you could get now is just feeling his emotions and knowing where… Shit!" his friend swore loudly, something Izaya had never seen him do before. "I'm sorry Izaya but I need to go speak to Sayoko and tell her something, it's worse than we thought-" his friend trailed off as he hurried from the room in a flurry.

Izaya leaned back against the headboard and forced himself to keep the _thing_ inside of his head at bay; he still couldn't bring himself to fully accept it. Even the mere _thought_ of being shackled to anyone for the rest of his life made him  retch, it was too human, too demeaning. He was a god and should have no need for a _bond,_ all he wanted was to observe his beloved humans and mess around with their pitiful lives. It was the only thing he needed, the only thing he _had._ Worse yet, had the _bond_ messed with his chances of finding immortality… It didn't change anything; he could ignore it and find a way around it.

He never wanted to have anything to do with it ever again, it could leave him alone. No, he wouldn't give in to _it_ , especially to a monster such as Shizu-chan…

_Shizu-chan…_

The realisation tore down his defences in an instant, disappearing in a single wave of wretchedness.

_ Sorrow, hatred at himself and the flea, a broken feeling that he had tried to suppress for years, and the question… _

_Why? Why? Why you? Anyone else but you, why?_

Izaya quivered and clutched his head; he had never felt anything so strongly. He refused to give in, he was above it all.

_Coldness, a cold front again, he didn't care…_

The mind of the other retreated slightly and Izaya did the same, muting the connection they had.

* * *

 

Just as he regained his calm, Shinra re-entered the room and gave him a bright, albeit strained smile.

"Hey, uh, I have your medicine" he waved a plastic box at him in faux cheerfulness. "Did you hear Shizuo's thoughts again?"

Izaya nodded minutely and stared at the blankets on the infirmary bed, only now noticing that his knuckles were white as he was clutching them very hard, probably out of stress. He recoiled and immediately let go, his hands felt to his lap in a limp display.

"Well, that's…" Shinra pinched his brow. "I didn't want to have to tell you this now, but Sayoko has gone to the office to phone your mother and report your bond to officials, for legal reasons of course. The laws around bonds are apparently very iffy".

Despite his condition, Izaya glared venomously at his -so called- best friend.

"Don't look at me like that, I'm stressed enough" Shinra laughed breathlessly. "Anyway, they have to verify it first so we can't do anything until Kadota finds Shizuo or if he comes back here of his own accord, which isn't very likely, knowing him".

"Shinra… My head, it's started to… Shit!" Izaya groaned and rubbed his head, in an act of obvious pain.

"Crap! Are you ok? Can you hold out? I can't legally give you your medication till Sayoko's here and it'll be easier-"

Izaya curled into himself to get away from the noise, eyes watering at the intensity of it.

"Izaya!" Shinra called out in a divided voice. "Don't move, I'll get Sayoko".

He then ran out of the room again, even quicker than he had done before.

Izaya waited for his footsteps to die away, and then he jumped out of bed and grabbed the medication from the side table where Shinra had left it.

_Too easy, Shinra needs to learn to trust me less_. He decided, as he exited and made his way towards his locker, to retrieve his mother's purse and his phone. _Don't you agree Shizu-chan? Oh and don't worry… I'm going to get as far away from you as I possibly can! Because that will weaken our connection, and then we can both get on with our lives, ne?_

Izaya smiled at the bitter sensation he got in return and turned.

* * *

 He just had to keep going.

* * *

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Izaya!
> 
> End A/N-
> 
> I need my readers help! In order to iron out difficulties with this fic, I rewatched Durarara to get a better grip on characterising Shizuo and Izaya and new ideas for this fic (which I did).
> 
> Then I decided to rewatch Madoka Magica…
> 
> And now I can't get the idea of a Durarara/Madoka Magica AU out of my head. I have entire chapters planned out and everything! It would involve almost the entire cast of DRRR! (even light novel characters) and it would have Shizaya!
> 
> So, should I write one?


	8. VIII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer-I do not own Durarara, all amazing characters belong to the talented Ryohgo Narita and I would rather chew my own arm off than profit off of him.
> 
> Four months until the last update... I'm sorry, nothing can excuse such a wait, nothing. It's just that real life has been a bitch, I've always been terrible at balancing time for work and writing fics and well, it shows.
> 
> I meant to get this out three weeks ago, but then I read over it again and I just wasn't happy with it (I didn't want a repeat of chapter 3). It had a lot of errors and even ooc ness (which I apologise if it is still present). So I had to delay it again and fix it. The only upside is that, as an author, I feel happy with this chapter now, it's also longer than what my chapters usually are.
> 
> I hope you enjoy it, I don't know when I'll be able to update this fic again as the final push for revision for exams is coming up and I'll be getting even more work than usual at school. But be assured, I will not be abandoning this fic anytime soon, I love shizaya and durarara waaaay to much to do anything as dumb as that. Oh and isn't the second season amazing! Shizuo and Izaya fighting each other and Celty and Shinra... I love durarara!
> 
> As for the madoka au (I wouldn't classify it a crossover as it would feature one madoka character and only elements of the series. Thus I would probably post it in the main drrr section.) I really want write it, but this fic is my priority. I have already made you wait way longer than you should, for an update. Only if, and only if, a miracle occurs and I am somehow able to balance my free time more and find time for a second fic, will I even think of beginning it.
> 
> Sorry I'm not going to whine anymore. But I would just like to thank everyone for their comments and kudos. It really helps me!
> 
> The rating for this fic will go up at some point now, for minor sexual content.
> 
> Finally just some pointers that some reviewers were confused about (it will go at the beginning of all chapters from now on).
> 
> -thoughts that Shizuo and Izaya share- (in italics)
> 
> Character thoughts of the respective p.o.v (italics)
> 
> [texts]

* * *

 

He knew only fury.

Everything was a blur as he singlehandedly tore yet another sign from its confinements and roared at the several thugs who had attacked him.

Shizuo barely recognized them, he had fought some of them, what seemed a lifetime ago, the very day before. But he didn't care about this fact or anything anymore, as he swung the pole and brained one of his attackers who had tried to get close to him with a knife.

He then seized the two remaining thugs, who had just been about to flee in terror, with his other hand.

"Guess what punks, today is the worst possible day you could have attacked me, and pissed me off even more than I already am" he growled as he gripped them harder, their voices were hoarse from begging and eyes watering from the immense pain and fear they were experiencing.

"So… in payment for trying to kill me" Shizuo dropped the sign and raised a fist, ready to pummel the idiots into hell and beyond.

Then-

"Let them go Shizuo, you've terrorized them enough and they're not worth it. It's clear that they've learned their lesson and wouldn't even dream of bothering you again".

The voice was clear, low and strangely familiar.

- _Its_ _only_ _Dotachin_ -

It took all of his will power to not give in to his primal instincts and hurl the two people he was holding at his friend.

Shizuo dropped the now unconscious thugs, and breathed deeply, clenching and unclenching his hands in a futile effort to calm down.

Then he swallowed, turned and gave Kadota a stormy glare. In order to warn him that he could snap at any moment and that it would be his fault if he did.

But all Kadota did was smile wryly in reply and speak into a phone he was holding.

"I've found him Shinra… No, miraculously I don't think he's killed anyone, only knocked out three people from what I can see. Should I tell him? Okay, I'll wait then" He put it away and looked up at him.

They stared at each other for a few moments, an expecting silence developing between them. Kadota radiated patience and stood his ground against Shizuo's obvious tenseness and anger, fully trusting him to not cause him any harm.

Shizuo hated it.

_ They should know that there's no point in even bothering to help me. I'm beyond it all now, I don't think I'll ever stop being angry. It's the only thing I can do, since my bond with Izaya has taken everything away. I used the bond as an emotional crutch, always imagining that I would end up with someone who would immediately love me and look after me… I was being idealistic and stupid. Because of that, from now on, I can only be a monster, and that is all I was ever meant to be… _

- _That's_ _what I've told you all along Shizu-chan. Just _ _calm_ -

Shizuo growled at the answering thought.

"Shizuo" Kadota said worriedly.

"What" Shizuo snapped "Just go away and leave me alone. I don't need your help".

"Don't brush me off Shizuo. Shinra, Celty and I, were all very worried about you. We only want to support you and stop you from hurting yourself, or Izaya".

"Heh, all of you can worry about me as much as you want. You're just wasting your own time,it means nothing to me. As for the flea, I don't care about that bastard and I never will"

"You don't mean that Shizuo!" Kadota implored him. "You're much stronger than I am, and I don't mean that in a physical sense. You've lived through difficulties I can't even imagine. I admire you, whatever low you hit, you always pull yourself together! Don't act like the world is over, when you know it isn't, you can work through your bond with Izaya!" He finished passionately.

Shizuo chuckled hollowly. "Nice try Kadota, but you don't know what it's like, to have so much hope, to look forward to being bonded and then ending up with someone like the flea. You know, he's as poisonous when he thinks as when he talks. Even in private, he's an insufferable son of a bitch".

Then an idea struck him, maybe he could do something with the bond, it was mad enough that it might just work.

"Also, Izaya's pretty delusional in his thoughts. He wants to go to a place called "Valhalla" so that he can live forever than face the prospect of dying and fading away. As if he would even deserve that, anyway it shows that he's afraid of death so much that he would rather live under an illusion than face reality. Everything he does, ruining lives, "playing with his beloved humans" as he calls it, is to get closer to fulfilling that goal". Shizuo said before Kadota could speak.

Kadota, who had been about to say something, was rendered speechless. He stood before him, eyes wide and mouth slightly agape.

- _Shizu-chan_ _! You actually,_ _don't_ -

Momentarily, his anger turned to intense despair again, but Shizuo forced it down. _I don't care Izaya, you can do whatever you want, but you won't be able to stop me from doing this at least. Go and have your future, you don't care about anything else, right?_ He revelled at the slight shock and bewilderment he got in return, before his jerk ass of a soulmate when back to his customary stubbornness and denial.

_ -Shizu-chan I hate you, I hate this. I'm suffering- _

_-No you aren't, you have no idea what suffering even is _ _flea_ -

"I don't know exactly what you're trying to do, Shizuo. I can only tell that you're trying to hurt Izaya in some way". Kadota suddenly chimed in. "Even if my words don't reach you, I can only warn you Shizuo. You'll only end up hurting yourself and Izaya even more than you already have if you continue on as you are. Both of you are my friends, and I hate it". His voice became agitated and conflicted "Shinra and I are trying everything we can think off to get you two together, because we have to, your bond it's…"

"Don't say anything else Kadota, I won't be able to take it" Shizuo barked, his demeanour crumbling. "The fucking flea just... Fuck! No wonder we're bonded, he knows me, he's the only one who can piss me off in this way". He clutched his head. "And my head, it's starting to hurt. I bet it's all the flea's fault, fuck It's-"

Shizuo whined and buckled to his knees.

"Shizuo!" Kadota took a few steps towards him.

"Don't!" Shizuo yelled. "Go away Kadota, now!".

When he saw that Kadota was staying put he repeated his words.

"Now, before I hurt you" he roared angrily, all the sadness gone from his tone.

Kadota gave him a distraught look, before he turned around and fled, reaching for the phone in his pocket as he did so.

Behind him, Shizuo continued to clutch his head in pain, only to realise that it was now fading and coming from the other end of his bond.

Ignoring the pleas for comfort from his soul mate. Shizuo roared, got up and began stomping away.

* * *

 Izaya had never experienced a large amount of pain, either physically or mentally. He had actively tried to avoid any possibility of it when he was younger and waited until he was older and could deal with most of the worlds threats. Always remaining careful and aloof when necessary. But as he lay curled and shivering on a bed in a cheap hotel, his entire mind and body wracking with sobs of pain. He could barely think straight, only able to comprehend base emotions.

_ Anger, sadness, deep hatred... Shizu-chan. He felt fear, disbelief, and his own matching hatred for the beast. _

Then he hiccuped and whimpered several times as the pain became infinitely more intense. Izaya felt as if he was being slowly ripped in two. Through his connection to him, he could sense that Shizuo's presence was growing fainter. He was moving further and further away.

Their bond was being tested and stretched to its limit.

_ Don't, Shizu-chan. I can't take it anymore. Please stop, please. _

He was ignored.

Izaya tried to draw further into himself and shook as the splintering pain reached its apex.

Fresh tears spilled from his eyes as he pushed himself and did everything he could to try to keep himself awake.

Then, from either sheer pain or exhaustion, Izaya finally whited out as Shizuo's mind was fully wrenched from his own.

When he finally regained consciousness, Izaya noticed that the pain had mainly receded and dulled. But as soon as he stirred he was immediately hit by a horrible hollow sensation that caused him to panic. Izaya began hyperventilating as desperation and an increasing pressure took hold of him.

He couldn't feel his bond, or Shizuo's emotions, or even his presence. A part of him was gone and he couldn't find it.

_Shizu-chan? Where are you?_ He tried calling out mentally, only to receive no answer in return because there was no one there.

No, his bond was still present, albeit in a minute capacity at the edge of his mind.

Still tired and _empty_ , Izaya forced himself to sit up in an attempt to even out his breathing and reign himself in.

_I shouldn't be doing this, I'm not this weak. It's only my instincts, all because of this damn mental disease. To think I actually have, and to an extent want, no crave, an attachment to Shizu -chan. It's disgusting, that the beast I despise so much is actually my "soulmate" and I have to put up with his thoughts and emotions. And whatever he's planning... I'm better than him, I won't let it affect me. I need to force myself to stop thinking about it and him._ He thought, for the first time in an entire day, to himself privately.

Allowing himself a few moments of peace, Izaya grabbed a bottle of water and his pills from the wooden bedside table and took two. Grimacing at the sour aftertaste, Izaya put down both items as his head became only slightly clearer. For some reason, the pills were next to useless in treating his bond. The only thing they seemed to do was cure his nausea and slightly curb his headaches. Even if he had taken his medication, the lethargic emptiness from his bond was still present. It actually unnerved him, since he felt that it could act up and threaten to overwhelm him at any point and make him act uncharacteristic and weak.

Earlier, after he had left Raira, Izaya had quickly gone home to retrieve some spare clothing He had then immediately gone on to a book store and purchased two books on bonding. One was a detailed scientific guide on how they worked and any medical problems that may arise from or during its different phases. The other was about the different dynamics and influences of a bond, and how they had changed throughout history. It was more personal than the other book as it covered how bonded couples functioned in society and how they were perceived by it.

Anyway, Izaya had done this as he had finally decided to research bonds and find out if he could break, or at least, weaken his own. He did not plan on being shackled to a monster forever, as it directly interfered with his plans for Ikkebukuro and reaching Valhalla. The only thing he had been able to discover so far, from reading the first chapter of the guide. Was that he really knew nothing about bonds and that they were far more complicated than he previously thought.

Although he hated to admit it, Izaya had to accept that bonds were fascinating. From what he had learned so far, they were apparently able to adapt and evolve after being formed. Change depending on the emotions and instincts of anyone who had formed one. This led them becoming stronger over time and increasing the preservation and "emotional awareness" of both bonded. If he hadn't been afflicted with one, Izaya might've ended up being endlessly curious about them, and would've just researched and studied them for his own advantage to manipulate more humans.

He glanced at the book on his bedside, it was open at chapter two, which was on bond illnesses and their treatments. He had been about to read it just before he had blacked out.

Even if he was still fatigued and feeling _empty_ , Izaya's train of thought drew him to the book. He _had_ to read if he wanted to fix this.

He picked it up and began lazily flicking through the new chapter. A paragraph caught his eye under the header of the "Separation Condition" .

"The "Separation Condition" is an ailment that arises in the early bonding phase if two bonded do not "settle" the bond (see "settling and cohabitation" p 123, chapter 5) and are kept too far away from each other. Known symptoms include nausea, headaches, panic attacks, and in some strong cases, spikes of intense bond trauma (note seek immediate medical attention if you are experiencing this, if gone untreated it has proven to be fatal)."

_As if I'm going to do that_.  Izaya thought blearily. _I can deal with this. I'm stronger than most of the pitiful humans that go through bonds. I don't need to "depend" on Shizu-chan at all this is nothing. I know everything I need to know._

He smirked and snapped the book shut, deciding he didn't need to continue reading. The emptiness had faded to a dull buzz and he only felt a bit dizzy.

Deeply relaxed, Izaya flopped back onto the bed and shut his eyes as his limbs grew heavy. He didn't have to worry about anything... Yet, Something was bothering him and it wasn't about the bond or Shizu-chan.

Through his lethargy he suddenly remembered.

_Igarashi , fuck! I need to phone him and set up a meeting!_ A sense of dread crept up his spine. _Usually I wouldn't forgot something like this. I don't have time to worry about it now. Calling Igarashi comes first._

Blinking tiredly, Izaya quickly grabbed his phone and flicked it open. He groaned when he saw how late it was, but he decided that it was still within time to call Igarashi. Ignoring several missed calls from Shinra, Izaya hastily dialed Igarashi's number and waited for the pick up.

It only took a few seconds.

"Yeah! I'm in the middle of something! Fucking call later" Igarashi slurred after the dial, obviously drunk.

"It's Izaya". Izaya deadpanned in reply, before the idiot could hang up on him.

"Ah Izaya! What do you want? Make it quick, I'm busy".

"We need to set up the meeting. With your "boss", ne"

"Oh right! Well Shik- the boss is quite busy now. He's brokering a deal or some shit with another gang. Though, I told him about you and what you did and he wants to meet you. But we need to check you out, definitely by the end of the week, or a few days before-". His voice abruptly tapered off as Izaya faintly heard him yell at someone and a loud clang as the phone was abruptly probably placed down.

Izaya huffed and began tapping on the bed sheets as several seconds passed.

_I wish I didn't have to deal with this fool, especially now. But working with someone like Igarashi is the only sure strategy I can use to work my way into the Awakusu without arousing suspicion among them. Their paranoid enough, that if I attempt to get their attention and favor in any direct way, such as randomly contacting one of their higher ups or encroaching on their territory without their permission. I would either be entirely ignored or filled with bullets for daring to approach them so brazenly_. _Really, using Igarashi is my best option. With what I've done for him, I have him right around my little finger_. Izaya smirked and yawned. _As soon as I've gained access to the Awakusu's networks and hierarchy and cemented my place as an informant for them, I can drop Igarashi and move on. Maybe I can even set him up and have him thrown into Tokyo bay, make an example of him to the rest of the underworld. I can't wait, I'm going to have so much fun meeting and manipulating new humans!_

Bubbling with excitement, Izaya almost responded eagerly when he heard the sound of the phone being picked up and Igarashi's breathy voice on the other end of the line.

"Apologies, some dumb bitch bumped into me and began screaming that I had touched her. I had to deal with her and her "friend". About the check, we have to do it to make sure you aren't a threats to us. Don't worry, it just a formality we do it with all our new contacts. So, to do a check and if you want an exact time to meet Shiki, why don't you meet up with me and we can talk about it further? Kill two birds with one stone".

Although he was feeling strangely suspicious, Izaya was too excited to allow the opportunity to fulfil his dreams to slip through his fingers. He decided to be cautious but forthcoming. Since he could always run away or even fight them off if the deal went sour, as he was far more skilled than any yakuza lackey.

"When and where, Igarashi? I have a lot of free time at the moment, school and home isn't working out for me you see. I can begin working for you and the Awakusu as soon as we have formalised things". Izaya purred in his most velvety and coercive voice.

"Good, I'll phone you in the morning with a location and time, although it may be in a few days. I need to go, thanks again for helping me with that problem by the way"

Izaya turned the phone off and lay back down, thoughts swirling with excitement and anticipation for the coming days.

Even if he could feel the emptiness and his sick _want_ for  Shizu-chan beckoning, Izaya chuckled at the absurdity of it. It was somewhat invasive and disturbing, but he could deal with it, he knew he could.

He had to, he couldn't be brought down by his _bond_ of all things.

And Shizu-chan, he would have to deal with him somehow. He couldn't let him tell everyone know about Valhalla and his plans, it would ruin everything and his...

_I wish I could kill him, I really do. But if I do that, then I'll die because of our bond.._.  Izaya thought drowsily, his eyes becoming heavy and his head light. _Whatever, Shizu-chan's such a dumb monster, he'll never pull it off.   
_

Shivering, Izaya attempted to get comfortable as he felt his bond acting up. He could tell that Shizu-chan was experiencing another one of his rages, primally taking out his anger on the world as a beast did. Izaya huffed and tried to quash his bonds instincts when they rose up. They were tying to make him regret his actions and hatred, to question _everything. Such as, why wasn't he with Shizu-chan? Helping him, calming him down so he didn't hurt himself or anyone else anymore? Knowing him, he would feel extremely guilty over it and blame himself even more than he already did. Part of Izaya knew it wasn't fair, but Shizuo wasn't human. As a subhuman monster, he didn't deserve fairness or love or happiness or even to be treated with respect. He should be caged and left to rot, all alone with nothing. So he couldn't affect other people or get in Izaya's way._

Desperate, he was actually feeling desperate. It was pitiful, he was pitiful. When he shouldn't be, he was a god on earth among ignorant humans. Unlike all the others, he had the capability to reach the heavens and become immortal. That meant he was above them. But then he wasn't because he was shackled to a dumb, ruining beast. One who was truly loved and cherished for who he was, when he, Izaya Orihara, wasn't. It was terrible, it defied logic and reality.

No.

He wasn't wrong, he couldn't be wrong. He was just rambling because he was tired and needed to rest, allowing his thoughts and feelings to be warped by a mental illness.

Starting with the Awakusu and then the wider underworld, Izaya knew he could build himself up until he was unstoppable. Then no one would be in his way, not even the one he was bonded to.

He would find Celty's head, and cause conflict around it until she woke up. Then he could finally be carried away by a Valkyrie and achieve nirvana.

In Valhalla, He would always exist and wouldn't need to care about anything or anyone or what they thought of him. Not that he ever had in the first place. Izaya laughed at how he had almost doubted himself and failed.

_I don't want to change, I'm not going to change._

Izaya smiled brokenly as the void , _the emptiness_ , within him loomed and finally forced him into sleep.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize if either Shizuo or Izaya were OOC in this chapter. I tried my best to capture how they would react to everything and I hope it's all right.
> 
> They will have development together soon...


	9. IX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 9-IX
> 
> Disclaimer-I do not own Durarara, all amazing characters belong to the talented Ryohgo Narita and I would rather chew my own arm off than profit off of him.
> 
> Spoilers for volume 9 of the light novels in this chapter, material that hasn't been covered by Durarara x ten yet.
> 
> Four and a half months... I am a terrible author. I'm not gonna apologise, it's gone beyond that at this point. My exams finished and I let myself go for a few weeks and let this chapter go late... The only way I can make amends is by trying to update sooner and doing my best to make it a good fic :/. I may try to update every 3 weeks or once a month from now on, as my exams are over and I have more free time until uni.
> 
> I worked extremely hard on this chapter, and it is extra long to make up for the wait (at over 5k words!)
> 
> Also, to try to keep in touch with people and give updates on my progress? Should I create a live journal or tumblr account?
> 
> This chapter is Shinra p.o.v, mainly because I thought he needed progress and I needed a break from writing the thought conversations of Shizuo and Izaya. Also, I enjoy writing Shinra and with the plot of this fic, I don't know when I'll get to write him again.
> 
> As for the madoka AU I have a very (as in written in an hour) rough draft if the first chapter and I may just try posting it when its ready to see what people think of it as an idea. Then if I can, I'll try to update it once every 3 months or something, just to ensure that it won't go out of my head. Hate at first sight is still my priority and I am going to update it first before everything else.
> 
> Enjoy, this very very very late but large update! Also, please review if you can! Reviews are life, reviews are love.
> 
> Key
> 
> "-thoughts that Shizuo and Izaya share-" (in italics)
> 
> Character thoughts of the respective p.o.v (italics)
> 
> [texts]"
> 
> Tap-tap-tap

The pen was kept at a steady pace, repeatedly hitting the wooden surface of the table in a frustrated rhythm.

The person holding it was both bored and angry. He was waiting, and he had been for a long while, for two impossible things to happen One was for Izaya Orihara to make his location known and contact him, the second was for Shizuo Heiwajima to stop barricading himself inside his room and finally face realit

It was obvious that they were both hurting in their own way, having gone with an unfulfilled bond for three days. This also showed their stubbornness and versatility in loathing and avoiding the other, even before reason and any threats to their health.

In hindsight, Shinra realised he could have dealt with the situation better, maybe even kept the reveal to himself. He had only hoped that he could have eased them into the idea of having a bond with each other. No, it was a miracle that things had gone as they had, and his friends hadn't killed each other outright. He didn't want to think about it, it was too terrible. His friends health was at risk enough, with their bonds sensitivity and condition. Anyway, he had to focus on fixing the problem before something terrible did happen and his friends ended up killing themselves with their lack of knowledge and separation.

The last few days he had been trying desperately to contact Izaya and had had Kadota looking out for him in hotels and hostels to see if he had booked in under an assumed name. As for Shizuo, Shinra was at a loss at what to do with him. His behaviour so far had bemused and increasingly worried him. Shizuo's mother had phoned him the day before, frantically worried about his behaviour. He had acted completely out of character, having staggered in very late at night and then left early that morning without speaking to anyone.

From what Kadota had told him and his intuition, Shinra had guessed that Shizuo had gone to Raira to keep up appearances. Apart from that, he only had a vague sense of what the other was trying to accomplish with spreading Izaya's beliefs by telling Kadota. It was his own twisted way of stubbornly hurting Izaya out of misplaced anger. Shinra was determined to help Shizuo even if he had poked and hurt him earlier. He couldn't be petty and angry, Shizuo was one of his few friends and a good one at that. More importantly, he was also close friends with Celty and Shinra didn't want her to suffer losing Shizuo and for her to think less of him if he died...

Shizuo... The turmoil of his bond had driven him to the edge..

* * *

 

_Shizuo had arrived early, even before him, a telltale sign that something was direly wrong. He was sitting at his desk and staring out of the window blankly, knuckles white from his hands clenching together._

_Kadota was eyeing him warily and turned to Shinra with a worried look as he went to sit at his desk. He then beckoned him over to the back of the class, away from Shiuzo and the others, to have a hushed conversation about their issue._

_"Shizuo's been ignoring me, he's been telling as many people as he can about Izaya and his plans for "Valhalla and immortality" until you came in. Most people didn't listen to him, but you know how Raira is, people will gossip about Izaya now and it will probably tarnish his reputation" Kadota whispered and grimaced "Also, It somehow got out that they bonded with each other,and people are spreading that as well"._

_"Shizuo's achieving exactly what he wants Kadota, to make Izaya Orihara suffer for bonding with him. He's desperate, he can barely stand to see Izaya physically and be next to him because of their bond. So he's trying to take his anger out on him by telling everyone Izaya's most sensitive secrets, namely his want for immortality via Valhalla. He knows that this will ruin not only Izaya's reputation, but also his own even more than it already is as people will look down on him for being involved. Shizuo doesn't care anymore of what people think of him, he's reached his breaking point" Shinra answered back._

_"Can we do anything about it? Should we tell him about just how powerful his bond with Izaya is?"_

_Shinra shook his head. "No, it'll only make him more stressed and make the bond worse. We need to wait for Shizuo to calm down so he can process the information without hurting himself or Izaya anymore than they already have been. God, I hope Izaya is all right with everything. He has the pills but they'll only last a short time before wearing off..."_

_"I looked for him for a while, but I couldn't find any sign of him anywhere in Ikkebukuro or where he lives. Should I go and look in Shinjuku? Or is it too remote?"_

_"Don't bother looking anymore, its futile, as there's only one person who can take us to Izaya now, through their bond". Shinra said and looked up at Shizuo._

_Kadota followed his gaze and winced. "So we really can't do anything? Were gonna have to wait for one of them to give up?". Shinra pursed his lips._

_"You know how stubborn they are, it will be a good while until... "He furrowed his eyes and concentrated on Shizuo. "You know what Kadota"._

_"What? Do you have an idea?"_

_"Not really, it's pretty stupid but... I'm going to have a one on one chat with Shizuo!" He suddenly declared, voice determined._

_"What, didn't we just agree that we wouldn't tell him. Shinra! Don't be stupid"._

_"Don't worry Kadota, I won't tell him about that" Shinra said quietly. "I'll just talk with him. He'll listen to me, out of guilt if not anything else". He then grinned and sauntered boldly over to Shizuo. Kadota watched him with a stunned expression, mouth slightly agape._

_Shizuo didn't notice his presence, as he had his back to him. But as soon as Shinra marched up and tapped him gently on the shoulder he turned and his expression sobered slightly, before he jerked and put his uncaring mask back up._

_Shinra could tell he was about to turn away, except-_

_"Shizuo! I was soooo worried!" He exclaimed loudly and cheerfully, almost shouting with the force of it. Everyone turned and stared at him, forgetting their conversations to stare at the spectacle he was making of himself. Even Shizuo jumped._

_"I need to have a word with you! About what happened yesterday. My love was asking me about you. She was saying "I hope Shizuo is all right and tell him that I'm here for him-". Shinra began flailing and making wild gestures to detail what he was saying._

_"Shinra, Shut up!" Shizuo yelled suddenly as he slammed his fists into his desk, shattering it into millions of wooden and plastic splinters. "I don't want to talk about and I don't care! I-" he glanced down and stared at the remains of his desk, shock taking over his features._

_"Shizuo... It's, it's all right" Shinra reassured Shizuo, his voice only slightly trembling. "I'm sorry that I pushed you. But I just want you to know that you're not alone, as Kadota said yesterday, when you've calmed down we'll be here to help you. Ce- my love really is worried about you and wants you to know that she cares for you, whatever happens". His smile perked up slightly and he took a deep breath. "I'm even a bit jealous actually, you've got her so worked up... Heh, sorry for rambling, I guess that-"._

_"Shinra, I'm not angry at you, I-" Shizuo interrupted huskily, still staring down and refusing to meet his gaze._

_They were interrupted by the classroom door opening and their homeroom teacher entering and yelling at Shizuo for breaking his desk. Only to quail when he saw Shizuo's tenseness and clamp his mouth shut. This had led to a few moments of awkward silence before he had quietly asked Shizuo to go and get cleaning supplies from the closet and clean up the remains of his desk, while he went to procure a new desk for him._

_Shizuo had bowed his head and tersely left the room, while everyone else went milling back to their desks under the teachers instructions. He had then given some notes to write out before he went to find Shizuo another desk. Kadota gave Shinra a strange look and narrowed his eyes as he sat down and got out his books. He glared back and kept his mouth shut until their teacher left the room._

_"I didn't-" he whispered. "Shh" Kadota shushed him and started tapping on something. Realising that Kadota didn't want them communicating out in the open about their problem and was indicating his phone, Shinra got out his own._

_[You took a seriously large risk doing that. Shizuo could've easily snapped and hurt you, or someone else. It would have made the problem much worse than it already is.] Kadota texted him first._

_[You have so little faith in me...I'm sorry, but I felt I had to do it, even if it was impulsive. Shizuo had to be assured at the right moment by someone who could affect him and make him calm down, even briefly. Hopefully it will make him come to his senses and he'll go and find Izaya or talk to us at least before it's too late.]_

_[Are you sure? Shizuo may be more stubborn than you think.]_

_[Yeah, that's why I didn't mention Izaya. I knew he would lose if it I did and would do more than just destroy his desk. If he's still gonna be stubborn, then I'm going to keep trying to break his resolve to reunite him and Izaya. I have to, for his own good.]_

_[If he doesn't budge should I try to look for Izaya again, maybe in Shibuya?]_

_[No don't, I still think it's a waste of time and he's probably making overtures with the Yakuza.] Shinra winced slightly when he realised his mistake seconds after he had sent the text.]_

_[The Yakuza! Izaya is getting in with the Yakuza! How long have you known? And why?]_

_[Izaya wanted to, he's bored and you know what he thinks of school. He just wants to do something interesting with his life, it factors in with the "Valhalla" thing. Even I'm not sure how far he is going to go and what he wants to do.] Shinra finished with a lie._

_[When you put it like that I'm not surprised. It would be just like him to want to do something like that, no matter how strange. I'm not going to question you about Valhalla or immortality, or whatever, it's not really my business as long as it doesn't conflict with us reuniting Izaya and Shizuo.]_

_[Ok we should talk later about it then, I'll try to talk to Shizuo later or after school. Maybe you can focus on] Their teacher came in. Shinra quickly pressed the "send" button on his phone and bent down to pretend that he had done work all the time he had been away. He heard Kadota make a similar movement behind him and smiled. He loved being mischievous in class, even if the circumstances were rather serious and he and Kadota did not text each other in class often. If they all came out of this in one piece, he should get his other friends involved, maybe even have them do competitions to see who could not be caught in a text battle... He giggled and went on to actually trying to do work._

_Shizuo should be back soon, and with that, well... Maybe they had actually made progress._

* * *

 

 

Shizuo had indeed come back, eventually, with a nurses slip. This had quietened any protests from their teacher and he had let Shizuo go.

That had been it apart from- "I need to do some thinking, I'll talk to you later" low words which Shizuo had growled to him on his way from the classroom. He was tense and it was obvious he was still suffering from his bond and hating Izaya. But he was willing to talk to Shinra now and... That was Progress, of a kind.

* * *

 

 

And it had all culminated in this.

Waiting, useless waiting while his friends bonds continued to fester away, with his chance to impress Celty going away with it. Shinra had already waited until the morning of the next day, as he had decided to give Shizuo some breathing space before he would further confront him about his bond with Izaya, without him getting angry.

But he had arrived to find that Shizuo was having a conversation with his brother and Shinra didn't want to butt in.

Shinra went back to tapping on the table. His own mood growing more frustrated as he imagined Celty chiding and calling him "immature" for not having done more for his friends and letting them die because of an unfulfilled bond.

_Losing them would be pretty bad as well_ He thought. _But in comparison to losing Celty and having no chance of getting her love... It would be a disaster, I have try to do something. No more being useless and waiting around!_

Tap-tap-clunk.

Shinra threw down the pen, and got up.

Just as he reached the door and went for the handle, it opened. It was Shizuo's brother, somehow his expression seemed even more emotionless and empty than it usually was.

"Kasuka, what is it?" He asked, genuinely worried. "Nii-San is being..." Kasuka sighed. "I've never seen him like this, it's as if he's used up all his anger and its reduced him to just sitting in his room moping or pacing around it. But when I went to see him and managed to get him to talk to me, he says something and he seems as angry as ever, just silently. I think he's confused more than anything, his bond with Izaya has really disaffected him".

"What did he say to you? Has anything he said to you indicated Izaya's condition?" Shinra inquired with as much professionalism as he could muster.

Kasuka shook his head. "No, the only time he mentioned Izaya was when he told me about his plans for "Valhalla" and "living forever". Apart from that we only talked about personal things and general topics such as films we've seen or adventures we had when we were younger. I think Nii-san is trying to shield me from talking about bonds and he wants to talk to someone like you about it. I haven't even talked about my film audition with him because I felt the pull of my bond there and I don't want to remind him about it and upset him". Kasuka said blandly.

"Ok, then, but has he really said nothing-" Shinra stopped and took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, I'm just very worried for them, as an unfulfilled bond is more mortally dangerous the longer it waits for a connection. Knowing that, and that Izaya doesn't have Shizuo's immunity... I can't stop thinking about all the horrible things he's probably going through".

"It's all right Shinra, they're both very strong people. From what Nii-san has raved about him, I can tell Izaya is a coward and a liar. But he seems to be resourceful and versatile as well, since he's been able to run away from Ni-san many times." The edges of Kasuka lips quirked up slightly . "You want to see Nii-San, don't you?"

"Yes, I have to try to get him to see reason this time. He needs to reunite with Izaya, the sooner the better".

"Then I hope you succeed Shinra, that you get through to my brother and get him to act. He and Izaya... I don't know Nii-sans bonded well enough but I'm going to say it anyway, I think they've been waiting for each other".

This took Shinra aback and he found himself gaping at Kasuka words, as his face stayed as emotionless as ever.

"Nii-san needs someone who can comfort and appreciate him. But also someone who can challenge him, remind him that he's human in a way no one else can. And Izaya... He seems to be a bit full of himself and looks down on everyone, Nii-San especially. Maybe Nii-San can remind him that he's human as well, like him and everyone else. Just in a different way, as if bringing him down to earth."

"You're the first person who knows about their bond, who seems to have any real hope for it" Shinra said quietly, almost in awe. "Even I haven't been so hopeful about it, and I'm their friend. "He paused and smiled determinedly. "I, I need to speak to Shizuo and get him to go and get Izaya so their bond can settle. Enough waiting around... Thank you Kasuka for putting things into perspective a bit for me".

Kasuka moved aside for him as Shinra left the room and strode out into the hall and up the stairs. Shinra stood in front of Shizuo's door for a few seconds and took even breaths, preparing himself for what he was about to do. He rapped sharply on the door three times, to alert Shizuo that it wasn't his brother at the door as Kasuka never knocked on it so loudly.

"You can come in Shinra"

He opened the door to find Shizuo sitting upright on his bed, facing the door with an expectant expression.

"I know your here to talk about the flea and our...bond". He stated calmly, with only the barest edge of bitterness in his voice.

"Yes Shizuo, it's because you can tell that he's suffering under your bond, can't you? And there's no more time to deny it". Shinra whispered softly.

Shizuo nodded minutely and opened his mouth to speak. Only to close it again after a look of cold fury swept across his face and he resumed his façade.

"You don't have to do this Shizuo, it's not too late... I never told you about the first time I met Izaya didn't I? He was a much different person than he is now, and he only changed because I, he-" Shinra trailed off and took a deep breath.

_Sorry Izaya, I'm going to have to break our promise..._

Taking in Shizuo's slight interest in his words by the fact that he had levelled his eyes and was staring at him intensely. Shinra stilled himself, cleared his throat and said what he should have said a long time ago.

"The culmination of my meeting with Izaya was that I did something very stupid to impress Celty and he... Its best if I explain it from the start. I first met Izaya Orihara in middle school, he was a star student with an impeccable reputation and many achievements in all areas along with being a member of the student council. However, not many people talked to him because of his distant nature and that he pushed them away by either ignoring them or being coldly polite". Shinra smiled at old memories.

"He mainly did this, because he just wanted to live and observe humans. In contrast, I was an outsider, a geek, a weirdo ... Its kinda funny I met you in preschool and him in middle school and now you're both bonded". Shinra laughed breathlessly before continuing. "Anyway, we were sharing the same class and it was time for us to pick clubs. I could tell that Izaya was bored so I badgered him to join my biology club until he did and thats when everything went wrong-".

"He must have been interested in you, enough for him to try to manipulate for his own ends. As you were probably the only human to approach him in such a direct way and ask him to form a club". Shizuo interrupted him quietly.

"Not quite, he later told me it was because I was his complete opposite and only had affection for one person while he loved all of humanity equally, something he couldn't comprehend". Shinra rubbed his head sheepishly. "I mean, even then all I did was talk about Celty and how gorgeous she was and how I wanted to marry her and such".

"It sounds like the flea we both know, a selfish bastard who looks down on everyone and can't comprehend normal love while losing himself in his own insane fantasies". Shizuo almost growled, his voice high and angry.

Shinra smiled sadly. "No Shizuo, back then he didn't have his pride and thus didn't look down on others. He was just a content observer who loved watching "humans" in a withdrawn way without getting too close to them as he didn't want their affection". Shinra's smile drooped into a grimace. "It was my fault that he grew into what he became with the decline of his reputation and his achievements. I disturbed him, got him to come out of his shell and take centre stage with my club".

He looked ahead to see that Shizuo was staring at him with his head cocked, eyes brimming with piqued curiosity and -something like hope- Shinra realised.

"You're not completely wrong about Izaya, he was always a trickster and a skilled manipulator who could get what he wanted if he needed something. It just that he did it far less than he does now, seeing it as an occasional practice and not a lifelong hobby as he didn't have any desire to interact with people much". Shinra paused. "Anyway, going back to the biology club, I gave Izaya the position of Vice President and let him get down to it as I only saw the club as a distraction rather than anything important to give my attention to. I think I must have interested him enough or something as he "took charge of it to do something more interesting than plain old biology". Shinra mimicked, turning Izaya's voice into a wild imitation of what it really was.

Hearing Shizuo give a low chuckle at his words, emboldened him and Shinra continued on.

"He turned it into a gambling ring and got most of the senior school involved. He made lots of money off of them, and it. Maybe meeting so many people who were stupid enough to get involved in an illegal project, especially being in positions of trusted power in the school, caused him to start looking down on them. It wouldn't surprise me if they did and caused a great change within Izaya".

"How did he fuck it up?" Shizuo asked, his voice slightly mellower than it had been before.

"Izaya trusted, or cheated, someone he shouldn't have, someone who had a violent reputation at our middle school as a bully and a provoker. His name was Nakura and Izaya had chosen him to be his second in command for some inane reason. Nakura's demand for money which Izaya supposedly owed him, snowballed into the first of two incidents which I think changed Izaya far more than meeting other people".

"You know how I said I loved Celty, I stupidly thought that if I did something brave she would notice me and give me her unconditional love for standing up for others. Basically I took a knife for Izaya when Nakura tried to stab him over the owed money".

Shizuo raised his eyes in obtuse surprise and gawked at him slightly.

"Izaya reacted in a way I never thought he would, he knew that I hadn't done it for his sake and only for Celty's approval... Even so, he was angry about it, that I wound up hurt over something he had done and for the sake of loving one person. I think he cared about me more than he expected too, he asked me to say that he had been responsible for the stabbing and that he would take the fallout for it".

"Why? That's so unlike him. Its crazy, I almost don't believe it" Shizuo muttered, looking away from Shinra.

"He wanted to punish Nakura for harming someone he cared about, in his own twisted way. "Make his life a living hell for the rest of his days" as he declared to me after the stabbing. It was really a catalyst in his life, as he lost people's approval of him and his reputation in the school. I don't really think Izaya cared about losing either of those things as people had already shown themselves to be rotten to him via his gambling club, with a corrupt and selfish nature being clear in all of them".

"So you're telling me that Izaya was a better person than all these other people and seeing them caused him to become the flea that he is? That's a joke". Shizuo said softly, definitely not quite believing it.

"Izaya never cared Shizuo, but he had a better perception of people than what they eventually showed to him with their behaviour. He always loved humanity, but in a detached way, my involvement showed him that he could care about people but meeting so many people who couldn't in return may have skewered his perception of humanity and human affection". Shinra pinched his brow. " I think that Izaya Orihara has a delicate heart, and any real affection would shatter it unless there was a real chance of it being given to him and only him, enabling him to give it fully in return. That's why he's never experienced any real love, or created anymore attachments after viewing me as his friend. He views it as a weakness and would rather rely on his abstract love for humanity without getting anything in return than be harmed by foreign emotions".

It took Shinra a few moments for what he had just said to sink in as he and Shizuo stared at each other in semi-confusion, before bursting into roaring laughter.

"Hold the phone, I know it sounds ridiculous and stupid, but I am being serious. Izaya wouldn't want to get involved with anyone unless they would give their love only to him, he's selfish like that". Shinra chortled through deep laughter.

"Shinra seriously, your making Izaya sound human".

Shinra stopped laughing and managed a serious expression. "That's the point I'm trying to make about him Shizuo. Maybe that's why you bonded with each other, to allow Izaya to see the worth in having connections with others, to undo the damage I've done. It factors in with the second incident. Which, although Izaya says it didn't change him much I think it affected his perceptions of love in another way. His father met and bonded with a much younger woman and divorced his mother, shattering his peaceful home life".

Shizuo actually flinched at this news, clearly affected as his eyes widened and he doubled back. "Izaya's father bonded? But that means that.."

"Izaya is adamant that he doesn't care about his family situation disaffecting him in any way with his father leaving his mother after becoming bonded. But I think it may have made him put less value in traditional relationships and bonds . Therefore he doesn't see a relationship with you as an option and he is allowing his hatred for you and general pride to cloud his judgement from forming a full bond". Shinra took another halting breath. "It also factors in with the strength of your bond, as they vary depending on whose formed them. Probably due to strong feelings between you, your bond with Izaya is very powerful. This is why you've been able to hear his thoughts and feelings and feel his emotions even when separated. In actuality, it takes a few years for most bonded couples to develop to this stage. We need to find him before he suffers anymore Shizuo, before he actually does some fatal damage to himself and drags you down with him".

"So, basically, I have to go and find the flea before his stupidity kills us. No, our stupidity, god I've been such a fucking idiot". Shiuzo yelled and struck his lap in frustration" I still hate the fucker, but from what you've said to me Shinra... I need to at least stop Izaya from hurting himself as he is your friend and our bond is-". Shizuo suddenly stiffened and growled.

"Shizuo? What is it?".

"That fucking idiot of a flea, seriously? The shitty yakuza! Why the fuck didn't you tell me about it? He's in danger, they're not harming what's mine!". Shizuo bellowed and tore out the room as quickly as he could, leaving Shinra behind in his dust.

* * *

 

 

_He couldn't focus on what Shinra had told him now. No more procrastinating and being an idiot, he had to face reality. Or more importantly, the painful present._

_But they had a strong bond, how? Was it science? They didn't love each other, but had hated each other unequivocally since they had first met. Shinra had said strong feelings... His parents had assured him that bonds settled, it had taken them 6 months to go without the other being close..._

_Shit! His strength, and he had fucking forgot about what his parents had told him._

_It was typical of him, allowing his feelings to get in the way of everything._

_What the hell had he done?_

_-Not now-_

_They were going to hurt Izaya, he was suddenly sure of that, and Shizuo hated people who hurt what was his._

_Cowardly idiot of a flea being more complex than he thought. What the hell had he done to deserve- Focus, he had to save what was his even if he still hated him and didn't want it._

_He doesn't care about Izaya, but their bonded now and he has to accept it. Whether or not the flea ever will is another matter..._

_Shit! "Hold on Izaya I'm coming!" Shizuo mentally called out to his bonded in a desperate effort to contact him.Only pain answered him in return._

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you think that Shizuo accepted the bond a little too quickly? I tried to not make him ooc, but I think I've reached the stage in this fic where the characters may act like it due to pacing...
> 
> Shizuo and izaya will reunite in the next chapter. And then who knows, I won't separate them for a while...


	10. X

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 10-X
> 
> Disclaimer-I do not own Durarara, all amazing characters belong to the talented Ryohgo Narita and I would rather chew my own arm off than profit off of him.
> 
> Thank to everyone who commented! It adds fuel to my creative fire!
> 
> Sometimes when you write a fic, the plans for a chapter may change. I know I said at the end of the last chapter that Shizuo and Izaya would reunite in this chapter, but that didn't turn out to be the case. The Izaya POV for this chapter was longer than expected and didn't gel well with the Shizuo POV I began writing, so I cut it for the next chapter. I also did it so I could hopefully get the next chapter out sooner, as it is already planned and partly written.
> 
> This basically means that this chapter is a bit anti climactic, as it mainly deals with Izaya's feeling about the bond and sets down plot! for the next arc. The only good thing about this chapter was that I wrote what was probably my favourite line of the fic, about Izaya at least (you get a cookie if you can guess what it is).
> 
> End a/n is about Madoka Au and tumblr so skip it if you wish.

The beeping of his phone woke Izaya up, making his head throb and ache at its intensity. Along with his bond ache, hollowness, it made Izaya want nothing more than to hide under the covers until it stopped.  
  
But he forced himself up to check his phone, only to slump back down when he realised that he had used it as an alarm and he didn't have any new messages.  
  
 _Seriously, 7 AM? Didn't I set it for eight or even nine?_ He thought as he turned over and tried to go back to sleep. _Even Shizu-chan isn't up yet, he's still sleeping..._  
  
Izaya flinched and curled in even more on himself, as his anxiety rose and bile gathered in his throat.  
  
 _Goddammit, its wearing off... I can feel Shizu-chan again._ Why do I suddenly feel so weak? I need to take another one or I'll be too far gone to see Igarashi when he calls with a time. Checking his bedside, he realised they were missing. _I.. How? I must have left them in the bathroom when I took one last night. I would never leave it there purposefully, what is wrong with me?_  
  
Through a sickly haze, Izaya got up and attempted to limp to the hotel rooms tiny bathroom. Since he had spent most of his time lying in bed, waiting for Igarashi's call and sleeping from his bond exhaustion. He hadn't used it much except for a daily shower or to use the toilet as often as he needed to.  
  
Staggering while hugging the wall of the room, Izaya made it to the doorway of the bathroom and latched on to it while huffing and stooping. Attempting to catch his breath, he forced himself on until he was holding on to the toilet.  
  
 _What is this? I have a feeling this isn't just the separation condition making me feel like this. Although I need, I need, I feel so empty and hollow. Where is Shizu-chan, I need-_  
  
 _No! I don't want to rely on a monster, I don't need this, just have to take-_  
  
Something inside Izaya, his mind, shook and made him hunch over the toilet in pain. His vision flickered back and forth and he collapsed onto his knees in a desperate attempt to stop himself from retching.  
  
Unfortunately, It was all for naught as he finally keeled over and vomited several times, barely keeping himself upright. Still spazzing, Izaya lifted his head and rested it in the crook of his left arms, eye's pinpricking from a mixture of pain and humiliation.  
  
 _Don't blackout don't blackout don't blackout_. He mentally repeated in an endless mantra. _It's all that monsters fault for not being near me, for not making this stop with his presence- Izaya shook again. Oh god, Shizu-chan's waking up, he's still angry. No, I don't care about him, or what he's doing. It's this damn bond, it's changing me, changing my brain and my mind..._  
  
Izaya froze, his heartbeat rising as stress overcame him.  
  
 _It's really like another limb, but it's changing, it's still needs to develop... I must check the book, Did I miss a chapter or something? I must have, since I've waited for Igarashi's call and rested far too much. Stupid! I should have read it more thoroughly and prepared for this. Even if I was in pain..._  
  
Steeling himself, Izaya shakily stood up and retrieved his pills from the top of the toilet where he had left them. Taking one, he went back to the main room and collapsed upon the bed after throwing them onto his bedside.  
  
 _It's going to take several minutes for it to take effect and stop this.. I feel so hollow, one half of me is missing._ Izaya thought with a frown. _Maybe I'm just tired, I should rest. Its best if I wait before reading, so I know exactly what to do..._  
  
Closing his eyes, Izaya almost smiled as a strange, serene, peace came over him. It was as if he was deep underwater, with all the weights of his trouble slowly leaving him as even the hollowness didn't matter anymore.  
  
Clarity came to him just before he slipped into a sleep he would never have come back from. The pill finally began working, allowing him to rouse himself from the cloying edge and shudder at what he had almost allowed to happen.  
  
 _I must stop this, before it's too late and I actually succumb to my bond. Nothing I've read or researched has shown me what this could be. It's not our bond failing, it can't be. Shizu-chan and I are stronger than that. If we do die because of each other, which I will do everything in my power to it will only be at each other's hands and wills on some urban battlefield, my skills versus his protozoan strength. I won't accept anything else or less, I can't._ Izaya internally declared. _I need to study and discover exactly what this is. Hopefully, I can do it before Igarashi calls with a time for me to meet him, as he did say a few days and it may be soon._  
  
Gathering up the pillows and sheets of the bed, Izaya made himself a small cocoon out of them until he was able to lean back comfortably. Then he took the two books he had bought and begun perusing them, starting with the science guide and its later chapters.  
  
 _Let's see, "bond medicine and its application" no, "The clause and its use in science and safety" no... But it does seem interesting, what is the clause? I can't wonder about it now, there are more important things. Ah, "Research on the future stability and conditions of bonds", this seems like it._  
  
Izaya began reading the small print of the pages of the chapter, as he felt another headache brewing in the recesses of his mind.  
  
"In recent years, since the end of World War Two with famous cases such as the Roberts-Downey match and the magnitude of bonds formed in conditions of duress seen in concentration camps and war zones. It has been hypothesised that bonds themselves are becoming more powerful as less are formed. Strong emotions and such conditions have also been a precursor for a more intense bond and abilities between those bonded. In the aforementioned Roberts-Downey match, the validity of they're bond was recorded in an application of the Sanderson test (now out of practice after the creation of the Dunn Test) that found each could sense the other's thoughts, feelings and even memories over a greater distance than ever studied before. It was also found that they experienced separation anxiety and issues after being kept apart, even after a decade of being bonded-  
  
Izaya stopped reading and stared at the page for a few moments, processing what he had just read. Suddenly, everything briefly went blurry and something spotted it, something wet. Shaking his head to clear his visions and emotions, he snapped the book shut and threw it away on the floor by the bed.  
  
 _This bond is a freaking parasite even worse than the beast. I wish I had never bonded with him in the first place, or at all. I hate it, I hate him_. Izaya laughed until his throat grew hoarse with the effort. _I can see it now, we have a strong bond, it means that we have intense emotions about each other. Shinra must have hidden this from us, as it means we never can be apart without dying. Shizu-chan and I, we're equally cursed with a parasitic connection joining us together. Even now, I can feel our bond, weak as it is. It won't hold out too much longer, without me reuniting with him._ Izaya stopped laughing and a cold and calculating look came over his face. _Can I actually do anything? Options, options... I can't run away or pretend to care for him, or even destroy this leeching, ruining thing. He'll see right through me if I try to anything like that and I can't bring myself to pretend caring for a protozoan maniac such as him anyway. Maybe, I can be with him until our bond is stabilised, make him angry and lash out. Shizu-chan would hate that... But I would have to try to be around him, actually put up with his presence until we could separate. If that is even possible with the strength of our bond. Am I actually afraid? Me, Izaya Orihara? Thats, its ridiculous, I-I would never be so pathetic._  
  
At that moment, for the first time in many years, true despair overcame Izaya Orihara. He lay back and the void loomed again, briefly making him think he was on a bench on raira's roof.  
  
Then he remembered, what had happened when they're bond had reconnected and briefly become one.  
  
 _It was when we shared out thoughts together for the first time, Shizu-chan comforted me and made me lie down. It was important... he actually cared about me, or he was pretending to. No! It was just the hormones of our bond making him act like that, since its changing both of us. We hate each other, I would never do that for Shizu-chan in return, never ever. I'll never like him, or comfort him, he-_  
  
His melancholic thoughts were only stopped by his phone ringing with a much awaited ringtone. It was Igarashi.  
  
 _I need to answer it. If he has a time, then I'll go and... I'm so tired, I can't even think straight with my bond. I'll deal with everything as it comes, I'll meet him and then deal with the beast. Making a start with the Yakuza is the most important thing at the moment. I wish I didn't have to deal with such a stupid contact who obviously sees me as beneath him._  
  
Izaya picked his phone up and answered the dial.  
  
"Igarashi? Izaya Orihara here"  
  
"Oh, Izaya, I have a time- are you all right? You sound tired, should we postpone the meeting further?"  
  
"NO!" Izaya winced at the sharpness of his own voice.  
  
"Okay, okay- well if you're gonna meet us, then come to the location I'll text you after this in four and a half hours. I know its short, but it's the only time I can do as the Awakusu have been pretty busy with some big deal with another gang and I had to do my bit. Heck this is why I'm up so early-".  
  
Izaya tuned him out and pondered the time for a few moments, considering his condition and whether he should meet Igarashi. Then he shook his head and answered him with confirmation. He had waited far too long for this moment, bond or no bond.  
  
"I can do it, I'll be there"  
  
"That's great, maybe we can actually have some fun with this Izaya. If this goes well, we can make a meeting between you and Shiki. He's been wanting to meet you after I told him about you. I think he even has something you can help us with, we need info on some rival or whatever. I can't tell you too much now, let's talk about it at the check. See you then". Igarashi's end went silent and Izaya's phone went back to his call page.  
  
Dropping his phone after checking his texts and seeing where Igarashi wanted to meet him, Izaya creased his forehead and rubbed its temples as it began hurting. It was especially bad, as his bond was making him think about Shizuo again and he could feel that the pills were losing their ability to treat its symptoms.  
  
 _I can rest a bit, The place Igarashi texted me is only some shopping warehouse I can get to in less than an hour. Three hours should be enough time for me to lie down and still have time for a shower._  
  
Izaya shut his eyes and lay down in his pillowy nest, allowing it to comfort and settle his mind. Before he knew it, he had shunted off to a deep, deep sleep.

* * *

  
  
_He was somewhere dark, and Shizu-chan was far, far away and yet so near. If he reached out, he could have touched him, but he didn't want to, and neither did the other._   
  
_It hadn't been an epiphany, or a happy revelation. But they would have to cross that distance and settle their bond, somehow._   
  
_Anger and hatred answered his thoughts, repressed, intense and all for him._   
  
_It tried to drown him out, to suffocate his thoughts and desires in its own selfishness. But it was ignorant, it wasn't drowning him out, it was stopping his suffering from reaching the other. It reminded him that Shizu-chan had been planning something, to tarnish his reputation at Raira somehow. He had put it completely out of his mind, as he was more concerned with Igarashi and making waves with the Yakuza, as well as the more physical ailments of his bond. But it seemed that he had been right in the fact that it didn't pose any threat to him or his reputation, because the beast had seemingly given up the attempt._   
  
_All of this was for the best, as Izaya never could, never would, accept their bond. He would settle it, but only to the barest minimum._   
  
_He finally forced himself awake._

* * *

  
  
Izaya woke up panting and sweating, cold shivers threatening to make him black out.  
  
The void, the emptiness, helpless, hopeless It came crashing at him like a wearing down cacophony.  
  
 _It would be so easy to give in. This is what a bond feels like after three days. It's as if I'm standing, no teetering, on an edge of oblivion. If I fall, no one would ever have to put up with Shizu-chan and I again._ Izaya swayed and steadied himself against the back of the bed. _I'm not going to give up that easily, I still have to do my best to attain immortality and get to Valhalla! Plus my lovely humans and Shizu-chan still have so much entertainment to give me!_  
  
Checking the time, Izaya saw he still had a few hours. Instead of risking another possible blackout, he grabbed one of the books on bonding and began reading the it to keep himself from falling asleep.  
  
When it was time, Izaya smirked slightly and got up to take a shower. His symptoms seemed to be abiding for the moment. He wasn't exactly sure how he would be able to withstand the next wave of nausea and weakness, but he would have to meet Igarashi and see from there. He also wasn't about to give up just yet in avoiding Shizu-chan, maybe he could find more potent bond medicine to take or, or...  
  
He had to stop thinking about it, he had a meeting with the Yakuza to attend.

* * *

  
  
Half an hour later found Izaya standing on a packed subway platform, waiting for his train to come in so he could get to his destination.  
  
He eyed the people around him enviously, they all seemed so carefree without a bond or any of its troubles. Even if they were his beloved toys, his humans, he never would want any of them to go through what he was going through. It was strange to think that he had once wanted to observe bonded couples to see how they would act. Now he wanted nothing to do with them, they were nothing he wanted to associate himself with. He also would admit that he thought they were no longer human and that he thus didn't have to love them at all. But that would mean he no longer was-  
  
 _Like Shizu-chan._ His head supplied, as his world began to reel again. _It was everything he didn't want to face, feelings and love and respect-_  
  
Izaya grit his teeth and finally got on the train as it came in. For some bizarre reason,he began feeling weirdly claustrophobic in addition to his bond aching. Usually he loved being among his humans, observing them, playing with them if he could. And now-  
  
 _-He pushed his way onto the first train he saw, not even caring if it didn't lead home._  
  
 _Shivering, Izaya made his way to a seat and wrapped his arms around himself, trying to rid his body of a sudden numbness that had robbed it of all its strength-_  
  
For a few moments, Izaya thought he was actually there, back when his bond was newly formed and already ruining everything in his life. He began hyperventilating and shivering again as his body took on the telltale numbness he had felt before.  
  
"Are you all right?" He vaguely heard a concerned voice ask next to him. "Do you need an ambulance?"  
  
"N-no, I just feel nervous being around so many people. I have claustrophobia you see, there's nothing you can do for me". He answered while trying to give the person his best grin, to get them to leave him alone.  
  
The person, who actually turned out to be a young man only a few years older than him with glasses that reminded him of Shinra's, smiled at him in useless warmth and went back to the book he was reading.  
  
Sighing, Izaya hugged himself and tried to distract himself from his pain by looking around the compartment he was in. There was a varied plethora of lovely humans he could choose from to observe, to take his attention away from his bond. For instance, the young man next to him that had shown such abject concern, was reading a book on Renaissance art and his clothes were all top brands. This meant that he was either an art student, probably interning at some museum, or he had rich parents, allowing him to flaunt his wealth. His glasses-  
  
 _Shinra, I don't want to be reminded of him. Why did I look at the man again?_  
  
Cheeks burning slightly, and taking a deep breath, Izaya pointedly averted his gaze and tried to look elsewhere for entertainment. The hollowness was beckoning to him again, over his guilt for not listening to his friend. He wasn't ready to face it, not yet-  
  
It was best if he just kept looking. There was still a way to go on the journey and he didn't want to waste time.  
  
He found his eyes wandering to the row of people sat opposite him and then the adverts above their heads that lined the top of the seats. He was too distracted to try to study them in his current mood. If he tried, he would probably find some minuscule detail or mannerism that would remind him of his friend or...  
  
The adverts, One was for some too sweet confectionary he knew Mairu and Kururi liked. It was melon flavoured, and they swore it was better than anything else they had ever tasted. The recollection almost made Izaya giggle, and he had to bite down on his cheek to stop it from escaping him. Although he didn't like his sisters, he swore he didn't, they could still be entertaining as humans sometimes. It was a pity they were so annoying in their interactions with him otherwise.  
  
The next one was a typical advertisement for a beauty product, in this case blue eyeliner. It declared that "if -untalented idol singer- could use their eyeliner, then so could you!" in a large yellow font that made Izaya's head hurt. Even so, he rolled his eyes at its pretentiousness in its intended purpose. It was a perfect example of his beloved humans consumerism in business and making each other spend money on flashy products they didn't really need. For that, it made him love them all the more, since they were so easy to manipulate and bend to his will! All apart from-  
  
Shizu-chan, the only one who could see right through him and who he was bonded too. In a way it was strangely poetic, he could even influence Shinra if he tried hard enough. But he could only distract Shizu-chan in his anger and make him chase him...  
  
 _-The others mind was solely focused on him, only on him. They were running, and he felt free-_  
  
"No!"  
  
Izaya opened his eyes, which he hadn't known that he had screwed shut, only to see that everyone was staring at him. It was as if a cold shower had taken him when he realised that he had yelled out loud. The young man next to him had his look of pitiless concern back on, but wasn't making any moves to comfort him.  
  
Not used to being the centre of attention for a bunch of strangers, Izaya went back to staring at the adverts and ignored everyone.  
  
Only for the next one to be about bonds, specifically about finding "the one" in a touch rally and extolling its virtues of making a lasting connection with another person. It was so syrupy and ignorant that it made Izaya internally gag and almost brought back all his troubled feelings to the forefront of his mind.  
  
 _I've just had enough of this, it's making me feel pathetic and undervalue myself. Also, if I'm bonded to a monster like Shizu-chan, does that make me no longer human or worthy for Valhalla. Again, Why do my thoughts turn to this? I'm trying hard not to think about IT, the hollowness or him, but I can't seem to escape bonds, their everywhere._  
  
Luckily for Izaya, the train stopped at a station and the doors opened to allow people on and off. It also gave him a momentary chance to clear his head and shut his eyes to avoid looking at others. The young man with Shinra like glasses gave him a lingering look and got up and left.  
  
The next few minutes and stops were blissful, he ignored everything and tried to reign in his thinking.  
  
Then a bonded couple got on at one of the last stops.

* * *

  
  
The entire compartment went silent as they made their way to two seats at the far end of Izaya's row. Although most people seemed to ignore them, several stared at them openly, with mixed looks of disgust and awe.  
  
Izaya himself couldn't help but steal looks at them from the corner of his eye. Curiosity getting the better of him even in the face of his bond paining him.  
  
At first glance they seemed ordinary enough, they held hands and were looking into each other's eye with clear devotion. Both things were atypical of any other young couple Izaya had seen. Humans who were in love solely for each other, rather than the pure love that he had for all of humanity...  
  
Then he noticed the little details, such as the fact that they both had white bands and weren't saying a word to the other. It was clear that they were communicating telepathically, rather than the low whispering into ears that most unbound couples would have done to show their love. It meant that nobody could hear them, they were entirely in their own little world without the need for anyone else.  
  
It was against everything that Izaya loved about humanity, as he couldn't see their reactions and mannerisms. If he couldn't observe them, then he probably couldn't manipulate them.  
  
 _It's... am I actually jealous?_ He thought incredulously. _No, this is another feeling that my bond has unhinged. I'm only contemplating this because it has thrown my hormones into chaos. I could never love just one person as those bonded freaks are doing, it goes beyond everything I believe in. My love for humanity is pure, whole, as they are my toys... They are all equal and interesting to me! All of them! There's so much about them that I don't know about, its endless entertainment and it's all I need. I must be incapable of loving one person if I want to love them all. Shizu-chan isn't even human, he's a monster. Therefore, I don't need to worry or care about lov-_  
  
An image went through Izaya's head, of him and Shizuo doing what the other bonded couple was doing. Cuddling and holding hands and... It made him shiver in disgust and grimace uglily. His handsome young face briefly betrayed his true nature, as it contorted into a caricature of his feelings of hatred towards the beast. Then he calmed down and went into a stony coldness, no emotions overcoming his features.  
  
 _If I saw Shizu-chan now I would kill him, slowly and painfully if I could. It's disgusting, beyond disgusting... That my shackling bond is making me feel these things._ He mused darkly as he stared at his own feet than any of his beloved humans. _Why did I have to bond at all, especially with a monster such as Shizu-chan? I don't deserve it... The next stop is when I get off, so I can meet Igarashi at the warehouse. It's only a short walk from here, I don't need to think about my bond for a while._  
  
Getting up he made his way to the doors nearest to his seat and held onto a pole as the train slowed down. Feeling a pair of eyes on him, Izaya glanced back and met the eyes of the bonded woman, just as the train's doors opened.  
  
She frowned and her eyes widened, matched by her partner taking the same expression a moment later. Izaya got the impression that it was as if she knew that he was bonded, and could see his problems.  
  
Snickering he turned and strode out the door confidently, leaving her to stare as the doors shut behind him. He then began humming as he got out his last pill and took it, dropping its packaging in a nearby trash can as he went to the entrance of the station.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With the Madoka AU, I may just post the first chapter up to see how it will do and if it would get any attention. If it doesn't, then I'm going to abandon it as I just don't have the time for a fic that people won't enjoy, especially as I want to prioritise hate at first sight. 
> 
> I'll post it up next Friday.
> 
> As for tumblr, I haven't made one yet as I need help picking a theme. Everything else is sorted out apart from that, if you have any good ideas can you please suggest some! Thanks in advance!


	11. XI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone still here?
> 
> I've brought an update!
> 
> All right, time to be serious. I'm sorry for it being six months, but RL was a bitch, and some things happened (both good and bad, mainly bad). But I'm back now and I'm going to try to get chapters out more regularly (as I always say I do!).
> 
> It's mainly the length that's getting to me (8k word ch!) and I need to try writing shorter ones. Expect ch 12 to be back to the old 4-5k limit and future chapters to follow that.
> 
> This ch is an angstfest but we have reached the bottom of the pit so the upwards climb has begun! (Maybe with some pitfalls).
> 
> Forget the Madoka AU, it didn't work out and I'm not going to think about writing any other fics when I'm so behind on hate.
> 
> Enjoy the ch.
> 
> Key
> 
> -thoughts that Shizuo and Izaya share-
> 
> Character thoughts of the respective p.o.v
> 
> [texts]

* * *

 

The warehouse where he had agreed to meet Igarashi was on the edge of a cul-de-sac near the docks. It was rather nondescript and isolated, perfectly suiting its use as a Yakuza meeting point.

 

Izaya could see the Awasuku bodyguards long before he got there, they were milling around the door like stupid cavemen, smoking cigarettes and scowling just like-

 

It was odd, he had seen Shizuo in a lot of things for the past five minutes. He missed him, it was making him miss him. He could fill the void, make everything better-

 

_No he can't, I won't let him!_ Izaya shook as he thought. _That's it, I'm officially insane, mad, crazy! I can't stop thinking about that freaky protozoan. He's in my head, slowly getting closer..._

 

"Hey you, Yeah you!" A gruff voice called out. Izaya blinked and looked up, seeing it was one of the bodyguards. He wore a threadbare suit and had a flaky gold chain around his neck, seemingly in a misappropriated attempt to be fashionable.

 

"You either leave now, or state your business nice and clear and we work something out-". He called out feebly.

 

"I'm Izaya Orihara." Izaya interrupted loudly, trying to drown out the goons voice. "And I am here to see Igarashi for a check".

 

_I can't deal with such an annoying human now, not with so much going on inside my head. I need to get rid of him as quickly as possible, if I can._

 

"Ok, ok, no need to get your panties in a twist kid. Igarashi's expecting you. You just need to wait a few minutes, he's, uh, dealing with some other clients". The guard stated slowly and made a placating gesture, as if Izaya was some little child.

 

_This idiot really is low in the pecking order, he's overcompensating for something with his looks._ Izaya thought drily, failing to stifle a twinge of annoyance at the way he was being treated. _Its a pity that my information networks don't reach into the Awakusu yet. When they do, I can crush this small fry and have him dropped into Tokyo Bay with concrete shoes, along with Igarashi. No, I'm being petty, allowing my feelings to get to me... It's too late, The emptiness is looming, it's going to consume me. Shizu-chan is angry again! He's such a beast, a complete monster, and I-_

 

"Kid, Your being awfully quiet... Has it finally hit you? That your life is actually hard enough, that you've been forced to enter the scary underworld of the Yakuza! Just like I did!" The guard snarked at him, emphasising the last words as if they would affect him.

 

And they did. Izaya would have snorted if he had not been surprisingly taken aback by what the guard had said.

 

"I'm not...". _L_ _ike you_ , Izaya wanted to say, but the words stuck in his throat. "I chose this, joining the Awkausu-Kai is something I've always wanted to do. Everything else in life is boring, and-". He snapped his mouth shut, before he could embarrass himself further by trying to justify his choice to a common criminal. However, Izaya couldn't stop his cheeks from flaring slightly, as shame, combined with his bond pain, made him react to the insinuation.

 

The guard burst into laughter at his reaction and spat his cigarette out to stop it from going down his throat. "No one, at least no one sane, would willingly choose to become a criminal when they had the chance to lead a nice, normal, life. Seriously, you have the air of someone who has never experienced any difficulty in life and has had everything he wanted given to him on a silver platter, without knowing how lucky he is to have it. If Igarashi hadn't instructed us that you were a great priority for him, well, the boys and I may have tried having some fun with you. So c'mon, you can't be freaking serious with "choosing" this as a lifelong commitment. Something terrible must have happened, that made you join the Awakusu of all groups. Was it a debt, a crime against another group, or did you simply stick your dick in the wrong woman?'"

 

"I would never debase myself like you obviously have, no wonder your only a common thug" Izaya retorted coldly, deciding that he had at least reached his breaking point and would just banter with the thug. Strangely, it was helping him by taking his attention away from his bond. Which, made it hurt less, until-

 

"Oh wow, I must have touched a delicate nerve. So it's worse than what I suggested... Hmm, if it's that bad, then it can really only be one thing. You must have bonded unexpectedly, and is having a mental breakdown over it." The guard taunted him mockingly and broke out into wilder laughter than before when he saw Izaya's eyes widen, then turn into slits. "Lemme guess, It's the commitment of a bond that's the problem. Isn't it? Arguing with your girlfriend mentally, while all the time wanting to fuck other sluts, and not have a one time deal. Poor you, suffering because of a joke... That's what bonds are after all".

 

He couldn't help it, the idiots words stung him more than they should have. It was mind numbing, how ignorant they all were. His beloved humans were so lucky and they had no idea. They didn't have to deal with it, the sensations, the headaches, the hollowness. This, compiled with the fact that his embarrassment and suffering were being mocked by someone beneath him, made Izaya rage. Even more so, when he realised the feeling was sheer and unbowed like one of the beast's rages that he was bonded too. It was as if the bond was giving him Shizuo's emotions and characteristics, infecting him-

 

He lashed out.

 

"Don't say that, it's worse than you could ever imagine! Your lucky you're not bonded!" Izaya yelled and glared at the thug. "I hate bonds, they are a horrific parasite to deal with! Humanity would be better off without them!"

 

The guard eyes widened, and his mouth gaped open slightly. Then he began laughing at him for a third time, albeit slightly more nervously than before, Izaya noticed. However this didn't stop him from curling his mouth into a sneering smirk when he had finished, reminding Izaya of the expression he made when he ridiculed others.

 

_What have I done? Letting this ant of a human get to me, TO ME. I'm still in control of everything, I have to be._ _I'm so close to achieving my goal of working with the Awakusu and being one step closer to Valhalla._ Izaya took a deep breath as he attempted to stymy the doubt and confusion that was overcoming him. _I need to stop focusing on these ridiculous thoughts and get back to navigating the precocious situation at hand. Me lashing out for a second time could ruin everything, my career with the Yakuza for one. I need to be cool, calm and collected from now on. But Shizu-chan, he's getting nearer, ruining everything..._

 

Taking a shuddering breath, Izaya managed to contain his anger and speak calmly.

 

"I'm not bonded. I merely know someone who is bonded, and he hates every second of it. He calls it the worst thing thats ever happened to him, even more than the red-hot temper he was born with. I've been the subject of several of his rampages and had to run away from him many times. That's why I don't have a very high opinion of bonds, it's made him worse than he was before". He muttered slowly, enunciating every word.

 

_Yes, Shizu-chan is worse, in everything. When he went on his angst filled ramble around Ikkebukuro, before our bond was separated, I felt every moment of despair and anger he went through. It hurt..._ The abyss of his bond loomed again and made his head ache, anchoring his mind to where it should be. Namely, on reuniting with Shizuo-

"Oh, Who do you know that's bonded? And you've had to run away from him, how pathetic." The guard jeered loudly, snapping him out of his wandering thoughts.

 

However the tremor of Izaya's bond didn't die down at the taunt, instead it began building. Shizuo was getting nearer after all,emboldening the phantom connection between then. Izaya could feel the shadow of its power coursing through him, greater than anything they had felt before. He hovered between disgust and awe, both at the prospect of being close to Shizuo again and at the potential of their bond. It made him shiver, feelings and senses quivering at the prospect of expanding and becoming more sensitive than on their own.

 

He could also feel the others anger, invading his senses and- . It didn't matter. All that mattered was the sensation, intoxicating as it was. Maybe he and Shizuo could stay close to each other just for the mere connection. Even if it went against everything that should be between them.

 

"Why are you suddenly staring at me so blankly? Heh, whatever...Your "friend" deserves to suffer being bonded, as he's an inhuman freak now". The guard said darkly, voice thick with something that hadn't been there before. "If you want to, after you've joined us, we could beat the ever-living crap out of him and his soulmate would feel every blow. That's a special kind of revenge, isn't it?"

 

Those words angered him more than anything else, harkening to a deep, primal, part of his bond. Izaya couldn't help the protective sensation that welled in his heart, even if it made him gag that he wanted to defend the beast.

 

"Shizuo Heiwajima"

 

"What?"

 

"Shizuo Heiwajima. He's the person that I know who's bonded. You should meet him someday and tell him what you just told me. I bet he'd love to show you how grateful he is by pummelling you into the ground". Izaya said in a biting tone, not quite believing what he was saying, and doing.

 

The guards face whitened at this news and he stumbled back slightly, cheap gold necklace clanging against his fat neck as he did so.

 

"Ah, that guy. I once faced against him with a few friends. He attacked us over some misunderstanding-. You don't need to know anymore. I don't believe you, he never lets anyone get away from him". He stuttered, expression blanching even more.

 

"So that's it. If you don't know about me, you must not be from around here then. I am the person Shizu-chan hates the most, he always chases me as I'm always causing him problems. This is because I know his emotional weaknesses and can use them against him. I've managed to develop quite the parkour skills because of him, as well as furthering the manipulation skills I already had. Both are things I'm sure will be of use to the Awakusu, and Igarashi in particular". Izaya said smoothly. "So I suggest you stay on my good side, or I'll set Shizu-chan on you. It's no skin off my nose, I'll be annoying two people I hate without any repercussions apart from a chase I've survived dozens of time before. With that, go back to Igarashi and tell him I'm here, it's getting boring waiting and talking to a runt like you. Also, don't tell him about what I just said, he won't do anything. I'm in his good books you see, he needs me to help him get further up into the Awakusu".

 

The guards face twisted into a look of fury for a moment and then seemed to mellow out.

 

"You don't know Igarashi kid. You're lesser than you think. He has more contacts than you could ever imagine, as he's been taking advantage of the turf war that the Awakusu is going through. I've said enough, its of no use to a small fry like you. Just know your place, you're not part of us yet. We can kick you out, or worse. There are dozens like you, like me, all trying to get up in the Awakusu. So stay in line, this is the only "friendly warning" you're getting". He spat at Izaya and turned to go.

 

He went to his fellows and talked to them, whispering something that made them glare in suspicion at Izaya and bicker among themselves. Eventually, one nodded and went into the building to deliver a message to Igarashi, one that Izaya wouldn't have liked or expected if he had heard it.

 

Currently oblivious to this, Izaya was having a headache of a different kind as the wave of power had begun to grow again and he had started to feel Shizuo's emotions and presence getting nearer. Shutting his mouth forcibly so he wouldn't yell anything incriminating and get himself kicked out, Izaya stalked over to a nearby fence and leant against it.

 

_I'm nothing like that son of a bitch._ _I am above him, above them all. Even if Igarashi and his gang_ _are some of_ _my beloved humans, I will love them by seeing their expressions of despair as they lose everything they have._ He thought and scrunched his foot in the dirt around him, imagining he was stepping on the bodyguards face.

 

_As for my bond with Shizuo, I can't wait anymore, I have to face it as we'll soon be joined once more. How will I create a career with the Awakusu-Kai with a protozoan like him around? Also, I used him as a defence mechanism, while feeling protective OF him. Why did I do that?_ _It's the bond, it's messing me up, making me do things_ _I don't want to. Wait-._ Izaya flinched as he felt his bond leech more strength from him. _He'll be here earlier than I thought, before I've finished meeting with Igarashi! No, no, he can't come now and go on a rampage_ _._ _Igarashi and his goons will try to fight him and the Awakusu will know about our bond. T_ _hen I'll never be able to have a career with them, and everything will be boring._ _On the other hand... I've never dealt with these feelings and emotions that my bond is giving me._ _Because if I face the truth, if Shizu-chan comes and reconnects our bond, then the hollowness will go down forever and I won't die to it. Then we'll be one and I'll-_

 

No!

 

It was too late. The treacherous possibility that he had pushed away ever since he had learned he was bonded, and who he was bonded to, demanded his attention.

 

It had hounded him since it had first surfaced from his subconscious on the train that morning, and because his emotions were running so high, he couldn't postpone it any longer with Shizuo's arrival. Therefore, Izaya had to face it head on.

 

The only good thing was that he could hate it, hate it with every fibre of his being, even more than the monster he was bonded too. That's because it would equate him with the monster, and make everything he stood for, nothing.

 

Almost collapsing at the weight of what he had just realised, Izaya slumped back against the fence and reflected on everything in a desperate attempt to escape his breaking world.

 

There was nothing he could do, by thinking on everything that had happened to him because of his damn bond, Izaya could only come to one conclusion. If he was bonded to an inhuman monster, a beast such as Shizu-chan, then he couldn't be human. Meaning, He couldn't go to Valhalla and gain immortality to escape the non-existence of death. This was because he wouldn't be worthy enough of it, if he had to share it with a monster he now despised more than anything else in the world. The twisted connection between them guaranteed this, as Izaya knew, just knew from the dawning reconnection of his bond, that if he caused Valhalla then it would ensure that they would ascend together. He would never be able to that, his pride wouldn't allow him to be with someone he hated so much forever. However he had to escape death and non-existence, he had to. He was Izaya Orihara, a god-

 

No, he wasn't, he was nothing. Valhalla wasn't an option now, nor was any other solution for immortality. He couldn't do it, couldn't lower himself enough to take the beast with him. Unless he threw everything else away and accepted the beast as human, that his love could grow to include him in time-

 

Izaya laughed bitterly at this, it was a challenge even he couldn't attempt. It was much easier to take the cowards route and run away from his problems, and as he was a coward, he took it. That meant accepting Valhalla had vanished, had slipped through his fingers as soon as he had bonded with Shizuo Heiwajima.

 

Rabid anger overtook him as he realised that he had lost everything, absolutely everything. Heck, His anger wasn't even entirely his own. Some of it was the beasts, infecting him as it had done before. Izaya could sense it enveloping him... Oh how the protozoan was angry! From the chaotic mixture of hurt and fury that Izaya was feeling from his end of the bond, Shizu-chan was probably angry at him, and was coming to kill him!

 

Despite the breakdown of his plans and the accompanying despair of it, Izaya still didn't want to die. He wanted to avoid the non-existence of it for as long as he possibly could, and cling to what he had left for his future. Namely creating a career with the Awakusu-Kai to avoid a boring life and ensuring he had an enjoyable one by playing with his humans and bonded for the rest of his years. Even if they were poor replacements for his future after his glorious plan for Valhalla had been taken away, he had to do his best to fulfil them.

 

_I can't give up completely, I have to do what I can to avoid death and survive._ Izaya thought maniacally, furrowing his brow intensely as he focused on solving his conundrum. _I'd_ _do anything... Which brings me to the matter of Shizu-chan and the present. I need to speed up my "check" with Igarashi and get it over as quickly as possible. Sadly it doesn't seem possible with that goon taking so long, something must be taking up his attention... Or, Igarashi must really see me as disposable, as the goon originally said._ He tutted and began tapping his foot in a pointless rhythm to try to contain his growing fury. _More pressingly, I'll have to reason with Shizu-chan via our bond. To stall him, or better yet, stop him from attacking Igarashi's men to get to me._

 

As he was pondering this, Izaya tensed in horror as he was hit by yet another revelation. It had been lost in his despair over losing his plan for immortality, as he had been so comfortable in his ignorance of it. The knowledge hit him hard, knocking all the depreciative anger out of him and replacing it with a deep, harrowing, sorrow. This time he really did collapse against the wall, and clung to it desperately for menial support. Then he put his head in his hands and cradled it gently, in a pitiful attempt at self consolation as he had no one else to do it.

 

_I... I'm a monster, aren't I? A freak just like all the other bonded and Shizu-chan, no longer fitting in with my definition of humanity. It comes with finally facing my bond, Its... I'm stuck with Shizu-chan and thus have to settle our bond as part of my new plan if I want to avoid dying early. Therefore, We have to be together from now on, to ensure that we never part and die because of the separation condition. Just, instead of love between us, its hatred as the foundation of our bond. I'll always hate him and he'll always hate me... Yes, something solid to believe in... Always we'll be together, twisted feelings and all, two monsters in a loveless, but powerful bond. Yes, that power! I can use that now! It also means I can still keep my "love" purely for humanity, even if it's now rotten and shallow._

 

With that, and the power of their imminent connection coursing through him, Izaya accepted that in a sick, twisted way, he and Shizuo Heiwajima were equals.

 

 

* * *

 

 

His heart pounding, Izaya got up and took his first few breaths as a monster, feeling unsteady in his new position.

 

_Hopefully I can reason with Shizu-chan now, somehow. He's just as pissed off as I am because of my -our- bond. My god hood and Valhalla, immortality, Shizu-chan didn't ruin them for me, the bond did. That means he's not really to blame for it, it's not either of our faults for the connection between us. I can welcome him as a fellow monster!_ He reckoned and smiled differently than before. Instead of a perfect façade, it was now crooked and broken, mirroring his new beliefs.

 

_Soon I won't be alone anymore! Shizu-chan, the second half of my bond, will be here soon!_ Izaya internally jeered and then frowned as he felt his chest warm up for a reason he couldn't discern. _What the hell!? I feel...strangely light, relieved. I've never- no I've felt this before. It was in the morning, I had just woken up after bonding and... I'm not lonely, am I?_ He shook his head in confusion to stop it distracting him from his melancholy state. _That doesn't matter now, I need to focus on Shizuo and..._

 

- _concern, for him, his bonded_ -

 

_Shizu-chan is concerned, for me!? That's impossible, he would never feel that for someone he hats_ _, especially me. He's incapable of that kind of emotion, he's a monster... Like I am now. Except, going back to that morning, he did the same. But he didn't know it was me, so it can't be real. I would never care for any of my humans like that, its- my "love" is different. It's illogical to love any one person, unless those feelings could be fully returned and I've never felt anything like this-_

 

The warmth spread and Izaya choked back something, feeling his cheeks flush slightly as the bond connection deepened. Part of him was cringing and wanted to scream, to lash out at what his bond was presenting to him. It was all too much, his bond was reaching out to a hidden desire within him, something he had never knew he wanted.

 

"Hey, Igarashi is ready to see you!". A brittle, but not unkind voice, called out to him from the direction of the warehouse.

 

Still in turmoil, Izaya didn't register the new presence for a few moments, until he heard a disgruntled cough and someone walking towards him. Quickly hiding his face, he tried to compose himself, not wanting to appear weak before any of his beloved humans. Especially a stranger and one that was part of the organisation he wanted to work with.

 

"Oi, did you hear me? I'm kinda in a rush here. I was just leaving to go to a different meeting and offered to relay the message to you. God you look dreadful, all worn out and pale. You, you all right?" The voice from before said, turning from irritation to worry.

 

"I'm fine". Izaya replied faintly, the strain of his bond and emotions barely apparent in his tone. He then turned and finally saw who had spoken to him. It was not who he had expected.

 

It was a balding, middle-aged man, wearing a crumpled business jacket and shirt with an orange tie, and, black slacks. Izaya was slightly taken aback at this, as it was obvious from his words, that he worked for Igarashi and the Awakusu-Kai, but didn't look anything like the typical Yakuza goon that he had seen before.

 

 

 

The man sighed and looked at him ruefully, signalling that he was uncomfortable at the attention. Izaya noticed this and promptly looked away, cheeks pinking again from embarrassment.

 

"Don't worry, your not the only one to stare at me like that. As if I was some sort of "old fogey" that had no business in being part of the Yakuza. I'm used to it by now, people thinking that someone such as me can't have an exciting life of crime and still be so boring looking". The man deadpanned, then snickered loudly, as if it was some joke only he was in on.

 

Izaya made a blank face and stared at him expressionlessly. Although he looked calm and sober, the emotional toil of his bond was making his heart beat frantically. To add to it, he was completely unsure of what to make of the man and whether he was a threat.

 

The man mimicked his facial expression and stared back at him for a few moments. Then, just as Izaya had been about to dismiss him curtly and leave for his check, he smiled abruptly and chuckled softly.

 

"You are high-strung, aren't you? Don't worry, joining the Awakusu-Kai isn't nearly as scary as it actually is. We, or at least most of the people I know in it, are just a bunch of sillies messing around and trying to make a killing". The man whispered evenly and snickered the same as before. "By that, I mean that we are just trying to eke out as great a living as we can at the cost of others, as the evil bastards we are". He added and snickered for a third time.

 

Izaya was beginning to find it annoying.

 

"Hmm, well it seems my efforts are backfiring. I was hoping to make you relax, not make you even more nervous. Sorry". The man blabbered randomly, but with an intent look in his eyes. "Look, I-". He checked his watch and swore when he saw the time. "I really do have to go, I'm gonna be late enough as it is. I just, I just wanted to tell you that you don't need to be so worried about joining the Awakusu. Also, I hope you do well in your check with Igarashi, as slimy a bastard he is to join under".

 

Izaya forced himself to smile at the pathetic endearment. Mainly to try to get the man to leave as his attitude wasn't helping with assuaging his inner turmoil.

 

"Don't worry, I'm full aware that Igarashi is a "slimy bastard" from his behaviour during my dealings with him. In actuality, I just want to join the Yakuza more than anything. Because it's the most interesting career path for me". Izaya stated calmly, masking his current of uncertainty at how much he should give away to the stranger.

 

"You sound just like someone I know, a fellow Awakusu-Kai actually... Well, by the sounds of it, you have the right way of looking at it. So don't worry about Igarashi, or anything, with your check. I look forward to working with you when the time comes. Lastly, just, ah, as a matter of principle, my name is Kine". The man declared and held out his hand in greeting.

 

Izaya shook it, feeling odd about the exchange.

 

Kine stood back and coughed, ostensibly preparing to say something else.

 

"As I said, I am late- but I like you, so I'm going to give you a fair warning. Don't hide anything from the Awakusu and be honest in your check, especially with Igarashi. Soooo, on that note, See ya around!" He said and shuffled away, giving Izaya an awkward hand wave as he went.

 

 

 

In contrast to his mood, Izaya found himself half smiling as Kine went. Intrigued by the warning he had just been given, and that Kine had succeeded in calming him down in some bizarre way.

 

_I wonder just how much of that exchange, on his part at least, was genuine..._

 

"Oi you, Igarashi's waiting and wondering what the hold up is!" A thug yelled at him.

 

"I'm ready, show me the way". Izaya said and smirked brokenly.

 

The thug scowled at him and beckoned for him to follow.

 

Doing so, Izaya allowed himself to be waived into the warehouse as the bodyguards sent them through. Despite his recent metamorphosis, his lips curled into a shadow of his old smirk as he felt the culmination of all his efforts nearing.

 

_Finally I'll be able to do something exciting! Even if I do feel worried, I'm going to be working with the Awakusu-Kai and have access to so much information and connections! It's going to be fun!_

Izaya turned a corner and stopped, thoughts stone cold, at the horrific sight that greeted him. It was too late to escape Igarashi's gaze and he didn't want his bond acting up again, especially with what he was seeing.

 

Despite all his efforts, fear and repulsiveness echoed down his bond, turning it into a cacophony of pure feelings that Shizuo would certainly react to.

 

_This is the reality of the Yakuza, in all its glory._ Izaya realised as Igarashi smiled a twisted smile and stepped forward to greet him. _What have I gotten myself into?_

* * *

 

 

Shizuo ran onto the platform just as a train arrived. People yelled and jumped aside as he tore through the waiting crowd to get to it before it left.

 

Although its doors started shutting as he approached it, He roared and stopped them. Breathing deeply in exertion, he then stomped inside, leaving deep dents in the floor.

 

Those who had been unlucky enough to get on before he did, cowered back in fear as he paced up and down the now moving carriage. The stress of the situation also made several small children and babies cry, increasing his frustration as he attempted to calm himself down.

 

_I'm already far past my boiling point, that fucking flea! He just had to get involved with the Yakuza, probably because he wants to have a "career" with them. Fuck that! Even if I knew he wanted to do it, Shinra should have told me he was meeting them today._ Shizuo tensed at the various noises in the carriage, mainly the mothers failing to calm down their children and people whispering about him. _I wish they would just shut the fuck up, somehow! Before I hurt any of them! I'm not used to being in_ _such_ _a crowded, cramped space as this._

He growled and reached for his cigarettes, only to find air in his shirt pocket.

 

_Wait... Where are my cigarettes?_ He thought as he patted himself down in a vain attempt to further search for them. _Fuck, I must have left them at home. They did calm me down before, so- No, I can't use them again, Izaya vomited because of them, because of me. I need to stop... yes, I need to stop, stop blaming Izaya for things to do with our bond that are actually my fault, and stop causing him harm with my stupidity. He's not completely blameless, he's the fucking flea, a coward who would rather run away and join the Yakuza and not even attempt to solve his problems. I'm just an idiot in a different way, I rage like a little kid and hurt people without thinking. Both of us, I -we- need to start fixing this mess of a bond and get on with it before it's too late, before we end up dead._

 

Still angry, but more at himself than who he was bonded too, Shizuo sobered up and looked out of the window of the train into the revolving darkness. He allowed himself to actually think things through for once, something he did all too rarely as it usually made him more angry by forcing him to face his own faults. Even in his initial rush that there was no time to think, no situation called for it more than the current predicament of his bond. By stewing in his thoughts, to make sense of his feelings and place in his bond with Izaya, Shizuo hoped he would be able to solve some of it before he saw the other again.

 

_Ok, as much as I hate to admit it, I was wrong about Izaya. Well, slightly wrong. He's still a dirty manipulator and liar who views everyone as being beneath him due to his "love of humanity", treating them more like toys than real people. Heck, he sees me as nothing more than a "monster" who can't love due to my strength. But, even with that, he's better than I thought he was. From what Shinra told me about the middle school incident where Izaya took the blame for his stabbing in order to freely punish the true evildoer on his own terms, it shows me that he's willing to stand up for his friends in his own fashion. However, he was so damn secret about it, as if his affection for a friend was a weakness to hide. It must be how he views personal relationships, he's afraid to get emotionally invested as he thinks they are not worth it with the pain and hassle they bring. Its fear then, pure and simple, that drives Izaya's Orihara's life in everything he does. He also has a great fear of death, his fucked up beliefs like "Valhalla" and "immortality" prove that. It's his cowardly nature, he'd do anything to prevent dying, even to the detriment of everything else in his life. I need to assure him somehow, show him that life is worth living in spite of his fears._

Shizuo chuckled grimly at this thought, amused that he was trying understand Izaya, the person he was supposed to hate more than anyone else.

 

_I do still hate him though, considering all the shit he's done to me in the past month, but I must accept that I've judged him far too harshly so far. The first words I said to him were "I don't like you" and "shut up". Not exactly welcoming ones. Huh... I think, I think that I may hate Izaya Orihara just a bit less now, all thanks to Shinra. It will take a long time to get over this hatred, if I ever do, but I have to try! Yes, I have to reunite with him... Wait! My brain has started hurting, it's making my bond ache._

 

The sensation was such, that it reminded Shizuo of the state of his strength when he had been ten years old. Back then, he had broken all his bones again and again in an endless cycle of pain and humiliation, until they had adapted to his inhuman ability. Now it was almost exactly the same, except mentally. That meant that he and Izaya's bond would repeat the cycle, unless he stopped it somehow.

 

_No, I'm not going to go through all that again. I refuse to keep hurting Izaya, and I'm going to be strong for him from here on out! The time for pain and separation between us is over, since he's now definitely going to be in my in my life to some extent. Maybe I can change him, not hate him anymore... I'll change as well of course. It would end the conflict between us and we could finally be free of it._ He reflected dizzily, almost happily. _I can't do it, Izaya would try to kill me in my sleep if I tried. Yeah, He wouldn't like peace between us one bit... Get a hold of yourself Shizuo. You still hate him, even with all your recent revelations. It's just the hormones of your bond making you mad, loving Izaya at all would be a terrible thing._

 

His phone suddenly rang, making Shizuo jump when he realised that he had forgotten it was in the left pocket of his trousers.

 

Fishing it out and looking at the caller ID, Shizuo saw that it was his brother. If it was anyone else he would have smashed it into pieces and dumped it. But as it was his brother, Shizuo answered it without hesitation. He stalked over to a nearby seat as people fled from him, leaving him entirely alone in the row of chairs.

 

"Kasuka, what is it?" He asked, voice hoarse.

 

"Nii-San, I just wanted to give you a quick call. To remind you that whatever happens, you're not alone. Oka-San and I, your friends, we're all here for you. Remember when I once said that you would one day find someone who would bond with you and love you irredeemably? As crazy as it sounds, maybe Izaya-San is that someone. So don't lose hope about your bond, go and get him and work things out". His brother said blandly, but Shizuo could sense that he meant what he was trying to convey.

 

"Thank you Kasuka, for putting up with me, and not giving up on me. If I somehow die to my freaking bond, then know that I love you. Tell Oka-San, and Oto-San the same, when he eventually comes home from work".

 

"Nii-san, don't give up! No matter how tough it gets! If your too far from home, then find a hospital and get Izaya-San and yourself into a bond suite. I know you don't like them, but it's an emergency and its better to be safe than sorry".

 

"Kasuka..."

 

"Nii-San, you and Izaya-San need to stabilise your bond. A bond suite would be the best place, as it means both of you can finally settle it in a secure location, without being separated. Then our parents and I can come see you, with Shinra-San, and sort everything out. It would also let you have your bond be registered sooner than later, so you can have the benefits associated with it".

 

Shizuo chuckled and smiled, calming slightly as his brothers concern dulled his anger. "Your making this into a big deal, aren't you? You want us to do everything by the book from now on, all nice and proper".

 

"Nii-San, you almost died! Shinra-San told me you and Izaya-San have gone with an unfulfilled bond for three days, and that's very dangerous". Kasuka said quietly, more serious than Shizuo had ever heard him. "I don't want to lose you, so please do as I say. If not for my sake, then Izaya-Sans. Promise me, please Shizuo".

 

Surprised at his brothers use of his full name, Shizuo sobered.

 

"I promise Kasuka, I'll do everything in my power to save both of us. I won't allow Izaya to suffer for my mistakes anymore. If I have to beat up a dozen Yakuza bosses and goons to reunite us, then drag Izaya kicking and screaming to the nearest hospital to settle our bond, I will, you have my assurance". He whispered lowly, making a silent vow.

 

"Thank you Nii-San... Oh The Yakuza? is it Izaya-San? I know, he wants to get involved with them. From what I've heard of your bonded, I get a vibe that he wouldn't want an ordinary life. Joining the Yakuza must be his way of rebelling against the social norm". His brother said perceptively. "I have to admit Nii-San, I can't wait to meet Izaya-San, the person who bonded with my brother out of all others. I'm glad you bonded with someone interesting, rather than some boring girl". He added, the pitch of his voice rising slightly, signalling that his brother was attempting to be humorous.

 

Shizuo laughed and smiled quietly to himself, glad that he had such a brother to cheer him up.

 

"Your insightful Kasuka. I can only hope that we can reach a compromise over that, if were going to be bonded for life. As an ordinary life is something I want the most, Izaya and I are going to have to strike a balance between them somehow. With my monstrous strength messing things up, maybe I can surprise myself. The Yakuza seems-". Shiuzo froze and clutched his phone hard, almost crumpling it in his hand with the force he was exerting.

 

_I_ _can feel my bond acting up, Izaya is closer than I thought. He's not moving, which is good, but he's-_ _Shit! What the fuck is going on? If they hurt him at all, I'll rip them into shreds!_ Shizuo thought wildly, face heating up as his anger returned in full force.

 

"Nii-San!? Nii-san! What happened? Is everything ok? Is Izaya hurt and you need to get to him?". His brothers bland, but oddly frantic voice finally reached him. "I'm going to hang up, If its bad.".

 

"It's all right Kasuka, I'm fine. It's just our bond smartening, Izaya is in a delicate situation with some Yakuza. Your right though, its bad and I need to go and hurry to him as fast as I can. Goodbye, thank you for your advice and words of encouragement". He whispered back.

 

"Good luck Nii-San! Remember our promise and get to a hospital as quick as you can". Kasuka finished and hung up.

 

Putting his phone away with shaking hands, Shiuzo got up and quickly began moving through the carriage as the train slowed, the doors opened, and people got on and off. Ignoring the shouts of panic and frustration as newcomers once again ran away from his hulking shape, he got to a subway map to calculate which stop he would need to get off to where Izaya was. Although it made his head hurt from its nonsensical patterning, Shizuo grit his teeth and kept looking.

 

Suddenly, the burgeoning sensation of his bond abruptly ended and changed. It began growing, reaching for its other half as it got nearer and nearer. His mind criss-crossing, Shizuo felt himself shiver in anticipation as the newly awakened power of his bond made itself known.

 

Beginning with a creeping sense of dread, Shizuo knew he was starting to feel Izaya's emotions. Izaya was angry as well, and hurt, and confused, and-

 

Now it was even worse, so much pain and doubt. Izaya's beliefs, which were such a core part of him, were changing.

 

_No flea, your stronger than this, fight it! I'm coming, I won't let anything distract me now! It's the stop after this, the train is still the faster than me just running down the tracks. Then, when I'm out, it should only be a few minutes to the warehouse where you and those Yakuza bastards are... Please be all right! I want to protect you, Izaya, believe me I do. I don't want to hurt you anymore.., or anyone._ He smiled thinly at the direction his thoughts were taking. _You know Izaya, if you can hear me that is, I really hate violence. I mean it, I REALLY hate violence, more than anything else in this fucking world, even you. Except, this time -Yeah, flea, I'm infecting you with my anger and it seems I have your sadism in return- I'll make an exception. After all,Those Yakuza bastards are hurting my bonded, and I should punch their faces in for it._

 

Shizuo clenched his teeth and barred them in a feral scowl as the maelström of his bond grew at this admission, becoming too much for him to handle without giving into its beckons to do something to reunite with his bonded. He punched the wall in a last-ditch effort to deal with it, focusing on expending his fury through force in trying to filter it.

 

Shizuo recognised exactly what he was going through, and the bond was amplifying it. It was the primal urges that came from growing up with his strength, impulses that made him want to just smash through everything until he dealt with what caused his rampaging. Usually it was Izaya and he got through by exhausting himself until he snapped out of it. But now it was the laughable opposite, because of people who were hurting Izaya.

 

Then he heard screams and flinched when he saw that he had punched through the side of the train and that his shirt sleeve was torn and covered in metal _shit_ from the wall. To add to it, his bond was roaring at him to give up and get on with it before it was too late.

 

Drawing it out, he stared at his fist as he heard everyone running away from him, leaving him alone as the monster they saw him as. This was notable, as he had just sensed the resonance within his bond that the flea had decided that they were both monsters, joined in a loveless bond as equals.

 

Instead of breaking down, even with the negative connotations of his bond washing over him, Shizuo smiled brightly at his fist. He spread out his fingers and wiggled them, watching his muscles ripple over them as they moved, as if he was seeing his strength for the first time.

 

Its because Izaya was wrong, he wasn't a monster because of his strength. It was part of who he was, and he was just as human as everyone else.

 

Even if he had just recently gone on a day long rampage, and would probably rage again because of the flea or some other stupid reason, Shizuo knew he had to accept his strength to fight Izaya's Conclusion.

 

And...

 

Fight for what he had waited for so long, ever since he was little.

 

A bond.

 

He would show the flea- Izaya, his bonded, that there was nothing to fear about it.

 

Fuck his plans for Valhalla and immortality or whatever, Shizuo would be there for him, whatever happened. Even if Izaya still saw him as a fucking annoyance and hated him to an extent, he would give him a chance.

 

He had to. They were bonded after all, for life.

 

It made him titter, then chuckle, then roar out loud with laughter as he ruminated on it more.

 

This was because it was all about lemons. Well, life and lemons and Izaya Orihara.

 

_It can't be this easy, can it? No, it's the way the flea views the world, not giving a fuck about anything, about how people see you. That's why it's about lemons... "When life gives you lemons make lemonade", equals that I should accept society's view of me as a monster and my bond and bow down to their expectations. AKA make the best of my situation. Well, fuck that, fuck lemons. I don't even like them, their sour and bitter... And I should start viewing the world more like the flea does._ He thought excitedly and grinned manically, using all of his will to force his rage down further at the triumphant direction his thoughts were taking.

 

_I still hate him, because of everything he's done to me and what he stands for. But this is a beginning, a beginning to the end of everything. Our bitter feud has to end now, with the reconnection and culmination of our bond. However, I'll only try and compromise if he agrees to as well. We're going to be facing a lot of shit together because of the Yakuza and being bonded and we'll need to be on the same page to get through it. I'm confident we can survive anything that comes at us. After all, we did survive each other._

 

He took a deep breath and tried to relax as the train began slowing again. Just one more stop and he could get off and run to his bonded.

 

Then his bond exploded.

 

- _fear, horror, a threat_ -

_Fuck no! I'm not gonna let them hurt you, flea! Not after everything, and my determination to change._

 

His bond became too much and his anger overwhelmed him as Shizuo saw white from the force of Izaya's emotions.

 

What happened next was a blur, and he would never recall exactly what happened.

 

He vaguely remembered roaring and tearing open the doors to the train, bystanders throwing themselves aside as he ran through the station to get to his bonded.

 

Then at some point there was wind in hair as he had leapt up and off a building to get to another.

 

The only constant was the drive of his bond that kept him going. The want, the need, to reunite with Izaya Orihara in the face of all that had happened, and a want to face a future with him before they both had an ungainly end because of their bond.

 

It kept him going all the way, to a certain warehouse near the docks.

 

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this wasn't too confusing (some reviewers expressed worries that my writing was hard to follow, and I hope its simplified :S). I dunno when ch 12 will be ready, but know that I am working on it, slowly but surely. I have started it and it is 4k words so far, no idea if it'll be as long as ch 11 but it'll be done when it's done.


	12. XII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First things first, Thunk you all for the kind reviews, comments, and whatnot! It is a pleasure to see that so many people are still here and enjoying hate (and I still enjoy writing it, heh). It really does help the old author resolve to keep going, and burn brighter and faster than ever!
> 
> Aargh almost 9k chapter again... and I'm unsure about it as well! Damn and blast! I really hope that this does make sense. I'm sorry people, its just my usual paranoia about chapters when it comes to update time (even if this was checked multiple times word for word and redrafted innumerable more). 
> 
> At least I managed to update this only after 7 weeks rather than 6 months! Remember that I had almost 4k of this chapter already typed up so I have no idea when I'll be able to next update as quickly again or it it'll be of a smaller or similar length. Also, I'm planning to make the chapters single POV from now on, no more Shinra/Izaya or Shizuo mixes I think its too confusing. 
> 
> Also, self critique time! (personal flaws of hate that I want to work on): 
> 
> Izaya's parents have names and other little canon details-had no idea that their parents were already named in the original source material and there are several other details I've missed (mainly in planning but I think they are too small to worry about). I'm not going to change this one as I've already got the personalities and names of both parents in my head, and they do factor into the plot of hate in some aspects.   
> Izaya's work as an informant- a case of me failing the "showing and telling" rule of writing. Looking back at early chapters, I wished I had fleshed out and mentioned Izaya's information networks, and past as an informant more. This is because it comes into play in this chapter, and I should have given it more of a mention and backdrop for it to make sense and form a more cohesive narrative. I might change this if I ever rewrite hate and add a few more scenes, but this is a big maybe if I ever get there with my glacial updating.   
> Bonds are rare, yet they keeping showing up...- At the start of hate, I established that the number of bonded couples were dropping and that bonding was thus this rare, unknown, phenomena. I think (I desperately hope) I did a good job backing it up scientifically with the guide explanation and shinra and everything; but I put in too many bonded couples and mentions of them as plot devices (example: the one on the train). So from now on, I'm going to try to limit the number of bonded couples making appearances to try to stick to my original plan; as the next arc of this fic goes more into details behind bonds and how society would realistically view them. 
> 
> That's all for this round of self critique, I hope to see you in the next with less problems!
> 
> Key 
> 
> -thoughts that Shizuo and Izaya share- 
> 
> Character thoughts of the respective p.o.v 
> 
> [texts]”

 

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

The floor was covered in blood and pieces of gore, that Izaya could tell was human from some of the organs he saw. To add to the nausea and shock, it was being cleaned with something that smelt like powerful bleach. The combination of both of these things made Izaya's stomach turn and he had to look away to avoid vomiting out of sheer disgust.

Trying to look behind Igarashi to avoid the sight didn't help, as an almost worst one awaited him.

 

He saw buckets filled with red liquid and parts being carted off by seemingly indifferent men, vapid expressions signalling their emotional disconnection from the task they were performing. Izaya hoped they were faking it. Although he would usually love such humans as much as any other, he couldn't help but shudder at the sight of them.

 

"Excuse the mess Izaya, I really am sorry. The Awakusu higher-ups, specifically my boss, asked me and my fellows to take care of some rivals that tried to jump them and we got too into it. Don't worry, you don't have to do anything like this when you join us. Unless you want to of course. Every bit of help, helps!" Igarashi said loudly, wiping the sweat off his face with a rag one of the men handed him.

 

Seeing that Izaya was deathly silent, he threw his head back and guffawed mirthlessly.

 

"Don't be shocked. We didn't kill all of them. To teach our rivals a lesson, some gang members were set free after we executed others in front of them. So they can go back out and spread the word of what we do to those who oppose us. It's just the way things are done, making an example of one warring gang so all the others take notice and stay out of our way. Y'know, "break a few eggs to make an omelette". That kinda deal". He rambled highly, as if he was relishing in telling Izaya about the violence.

 

Izaya stayed silent, completely overwhelmed at all he was going through as he felt his mind and bond pinprick in reaction to the situation.

 

I don't know what to do, is this a threat or is Igarashi just posturing? And what about my bond? Shizu-chan, he's- he cares and he's rushing here, to get me. I need it, I need him- No, I need to man up and get through this as quickly as I can. Be ready to communicate with Shizuo before he messes up and-

 

"Seriously? You're actually unsure of joining the Awkausu-Kai after seeing a mere cleanup? Face it Izaya, you're in too deep now. If you want to leave, it will have to be in a body bag". Igarashi drawled with a low growl, voice losing any cheerfulness it had. "Let's proceed with the check before it's too late, before you become just another dumb teenager that's wandered into Awakusu dealings".

 

This snapped Izaya into motion and he smiled, emulating the way he used to do it before he had become a monster.

 

"Did you perform yubitsume (*) on any of them? And no need to be so pushy, I have no qualms about what the Yakuza does to protect its interests. But I would rather not take part in such brutality. If that's all right. So, unfortunately, I must decline your offer. Maybe I can help in other ways, as brains rather than muscle. I could find rivals and flush them out for you. If you want?". Izaya counter-offered.

 

Igarashi chortled shrilly in response. "That's the right attitude to have Izaya, and no, we did not perform yubitsume on any of them. That's a general initiation ritual that doesn't apply to prisoners at all, and it's very old school as well so very few initiates even go through with it themselves. Now, follow me. The initiation room is this way, in the back. Do you like sake?". He asked primly and started down a passage behind him.

 

"Sake is great. Thank you." Izaya replied quietly, following Igarashi through. Although it was against his nature, he was trying to talk as little as possible so that he could hide his unease at the circumstances of his "check".

Disgust rising and fear fading slightly, He pondered things as they went further into the warehouse. It got progressively darker as they walked, the only illumination being an occasional lamp that didn't do much to dissipate the gloom.

 

_This is nothing to be worried over... But that thug that welcomed me, he might have said something to Igarashi about me being bonded. Shit! If they are severely prejudiced against them- against us, then I may In deep trouble through no sheer fault of my own. If I still want to join the Yakuza, which I do, how can I hide it? With Shizu-chan being the way he is, how can I!?_ Izaya bristled as his mind warred with itself.

 

_As for my bond, I can't ignore it. It's deeply ingrained in me as a key part of my new identity, even if I loathe it with all my being. I have to at least trying hiding it, until Shizu-chan gets here and reconnects it. I just realised! My bonds telepathy will allow me to annoy Shizu-chan more than ever! Our bond is a direct channel for me to manipulate him, and know all his fears and weaknesses. It means I can erode his pitiful concern for me -it's not real anyway, monsters can't feel such things- and use it against him. My bond is making me ramble again... Quick, back to Igarashi and survival. I need to think up a plan before my bond is discovered and my life threatened as a result._ Izaya sighed as his scurrying thoughts gave him a headache. He was going through far too much in such a short, precarious, amount of time. His bond had already changed him for the worse, and he didn't want to lose anymore of his pride and dignity to it.

 

His bond seemed to sense his dark thoughts and reacted accordingly, sending him a wave of Shizuo's concern and emotional drive to sooth him. It went right to the pit of his stomach and Izaya felt the warm sensation from earlier erupt in his chest.

 

_Oh, it's so glorious! This warm, fuzzy, feeling. Whatever it is. It's spreading everywhere, making me feel happy and safe. How could I ever want to give this up? How mad would you have to be to even consider it? I want it always by my side... I can't feel anything, I'm a monster. Maybe it's just one of the effects of a bond? That it's drugging me, making me want to bow down to it. I can't push it away again... can I? Shizu-chan is the source of it... I can't try. My heart will shatter if I- even imagining it makes me want to vomit. Shizu-chan still hated me when he went on his rampage, his feelings about me can't have changed since then. This separation between us is only a temporary state of affairs, for both of is. In future, I need to push him away and convince him hate is the basis of our bond, and that it will always be that way._

 

"Is everything all right Izaya? We're almost there. The room is here, in the back of a housing complex behind the warehouse". Igarashi abruptly asked, giving Izaya a curious glance and a raised eyebrow.

 

Izaya took a deep breath and smirked primly at Igarashi. He did everything he could to keep his balance and not slur his speech when he spoke.

 

"I'm all right, I just have a bit of a headache. Remember when you asked me if I was all right, in that phone call the other day? Well, I was unwell for a few days before my check. I had the flu -a stomach bug- and almost couldn't make it. I think I'm just coming off that, it's nothing contagious so don't be worried". Izaya answered clearly, the lie slipping smoothly from his tongue.

 

"Ah, let's get on with it then. Before you have a relapse or something". Igarashi said awkwardly and continued going down the passage.

 

_Ok, I think I warded him off for now. With that momentarily dealt with, I can focus on Shizu-chan. I can't let him disturb the Awakusu "cleanup". It would probably bring them down on our heads and threaten both our lives... The Yakuza going after us, and us fighting side by side, what a sight that would be._ He thought drowsily, almost smiling as he did so. Everything was clicking into place, now that he didn't have to worry about Valhalla anymore. It was a load off his shoulders, even if he was still afraid of death.

Then he shook his head, and bit his lip, to stop himself from bursting out into bitter laughter.

 

_What a happy, stupid, dream that would be! I need to snap out of this, this sickness! This whole affair with Shizu-chan and me "craving" his concern. It's a nauseating, terrible, thing to behold. It's all fake and It's still wrong for something like love or concern to exist between us._

 

Suddenly, Izaya's unease depend as a black thought came into his head. It made him doubt himself and experience uncomfortableness at what he was doing.

 

_Could Igarashis gang actually do something to me? Igarashi himself would've already made up his mind to kill me if he suspects me of something, bond or not. It means that I'm walking into a trap, going down a dark corridor with him like this. My bond is making me paranoid, that's all. Everything is alright, isn't it? If it isn't that, maybe it's a test to see if I am bonded at all? If so, I need to get it together and allay Igarashi's concerns about me..._

 

"Why are you being so quiet Izaya? Usually, you're much more talkative and cheerful than this. Are you sure you're well? Or is it... you're not feeling threatened, are you? Don't worry, we don't do anything to people who don't keep secrets from us". Igarashi told him pointedly, warning clear in his voice. It was so obvious, that Izaya would have been able to sense it even if he wasn't disoriented from his bond.

 

_Something is definitely wrong..._

 

"I'm fine Igarashi, I just want to get this over with. Working for the Awakusu is something I've wanted for a while, and this "check" seems to be a mere formality that's in my way". Izaya bit back, just as pointedly.

 

"It won't take long, no less than an hour. As I told you before, everyone has to do one. You're no different Izaya, not "special" enough." Igarashi said in a joking tone, but the undercurrent of warning was still there. "Be assured, you are far more useful to me than most we do "check". I'll connect you with all our information networks and contacts right after your check, as I don't want to waste your talents. You proved your ability when you helped me with that drug deal for the higher-ups. We got a sweet profit and the silence of that dealer that was threatening to go to the cops. All because you found out the assumed name he had put his family under, allowing us to threaten them to assure his co-operation".

 

Izaya laughed, feeling slightly reassured at the praise, even if it was coming from a tool like Igarashi. They were coming up to a small door, presumably to the room where Igarashi's gang held the checks.

 

"Thank you for the praise Igarashi! I'll do my best to help you, and the Awakusu-Kai, as much as I can after I've joined you. As for my "talents", I think you'll be surprised if you ever see me fight. I can be quite agile in battle. With that, I don't think "grunt work" would be my forte. It sounds too boring and would be better fit for your bodyguards" he joked. _I can't wait to drop this idiot, to see my love for him realised as he is expelled from the Yakuza._ He added privately.

 

Igarashi smiled widely at his words, baring his grimy teeth at Izaya as he opened the door and held it for him. Although the act reminded him of tigers doing the same before they ate their prey, as Izaya had seen in a nature documentary once. Which in turn, reminded him of beasts and his soulmate- I need to quit it, not now.

 

"My my, what a gentleman". He snarked quickly as he went through, not missing a beat to hide his bond from Igarashi.

 

"You're a real joker Izaya, never missing an opportunity to be funny. I like that in a person, so keep it up". Igarashi said lightly, almost pleasantly, as if he was pleased with Izaya's behaviour. "Please sit down and I'll get the Sake".

 

"Right... Is there anything I need to do for the check?" Izaya asked as he sat down, glad that he seemed to be successful in hiding his bond so far.

 

"All you need to do is get comfortable and answer my questions. It's just an assessment of your loyalty and honesty. Nothing too intensive as you've already proven yourself in most aspects". Igarashi rambled reassuringly, as he got out two small cups and poured a pale, amber, liquid into them. Then he put one down in front of Izaya and sat opposite him.

 

"Why don't we begin with making casual conversation? To ease you into it. After your comfortable, I'll ask you all the routine things. Like, your history as an informant, your experience and connections, how would they could benefit the Awakusu-Kai, etc. So...what motivated you to want to join the Awakusu in particular Izaya? Out of all the other Yakuza groups?" Igarashi asked calmly, sipping his sake leisurely.

 

"Did you ever finish school Igarashi? Both middle and high". He answered with a question while taking a sip from his own cup to follow the example of his host. Izaya grimaced slightly at its odd taste, but quickly hid his disgust behind a large smile.

 

"Believe it or not, I did Izaya, although I graduated with very low grades as I spent most of my time with the Awakusu-Kai. Really, the only good thing that came out of me attending school was that I made some good friends, loyal friends. So much so, that I still keep in touch with some of them to this day". Igarashi said breathlessly, his right lip curling upwards, as if whatever he was recalling was very dear to him. He also rubbed at a thin gold band on his left ring finger that Izaya hadn't noticed before, due to being preoccupied with his bond. "If you're asking, does that mean you have similar feelings about school? You don't think it's worth your time and attention?".

 

"Yes. I believe that for someone like me, higher education is a complete and utter waste of time. This is because I see no value in what it has to teach me, as it goes against the improper career I wish to pursue with the Awakusu-Kai. Furthermore, I chose this path because I feel that an ordinary, "proper" career would be too boring and unfulfilling of a life for me. I would hold my middle school experience to be the same, if it wasn't for the invaluable knowledge and experience that mine gave me for dealing with people. It taught me how to use information gathering and manipulation to achieve any goal, no matter how difficult". Izaya boasted, taking another drink of his Sake.

 

This is making my head and throat hurt. I haven't talked so much in three days and its showing. I should hide my love for humanity and any other facts about myself that would make Igarashi think I'm a weirdo, or a flea. Stop thinking about Shizu-chan, focus Izaya! He chastised himself as he spoke.

 

Igarashi's eyes widened slightly. " That's an interesting opinion to have Izaya. It shows me that you have a different world view from your peers. Most people your age want a "proper" life and career than an "improper" one, being content with what they have rather than striving for more. Otherwise, people are usually forced to join the Yakuza when their life circumstances do not allow them to have an ordinary life and they must take up a criminal one to survive. They want a choice like you have, to lead whatever type of life they want and not be forced in one direction. I'm not rubbing on you Izaya, I'm just fascinated by your aspirations. For mere curiosity's sake, may I ask why you crave such a life? And what prompted you in middle school to manipulate others?". He inquired curiously, Izaya sensing genuine interest in his questioning.

 

"To answer your question, I was a "top student" who joined a biology club and turned it into a gambling ring because of sense of boredom and simply wanting to mess with people. This in turn made me realise that school was a boring and empty place, with stupid and easy-to-manipulate people. It led to me craving an interesting life in comparison to its banality. This desire culminated in me losing my status by stabbing my only "real" friend and only being suspended as punishment". Izaya said smoothly, leaving out the parts of the tale he didn't want to tell.

 

"Why didn't the school expel you? If you caused so much trouble for them?" Igarashi asked intently, sounding slightly awed. Again, Izaya sensed it was genuine. He hoped that it meant he was no longer under suspicion, about having a bond or any loyalty issues. Just to make sure, he decided to keep playing it safe in answering questions by being as honest as he could afford to be.

 

"For two reasons: one, they didn't want to lose their reputation by admitting that a star student had fallen from grace because of one of their sanctioned clubs; and two, the fact that much of the student council ,and even some teachers, got involved in the ring, may have dissuaded them from trying to make the stabbing into a big issue that deserved attention. Also, It occurred close to graduation, so it was much easier to let me pass on probation and become someone's else problem. My former friend didn't bother pressing charges on me. Whether out of fear or misguided sympathy, I have no idea as I haven't seen him in a while. As a result, I have no police record." Izaya stated matter-of-factly and shrugged, feigning nonchalance.

 

"I didn't bother speaking out about it afterwards, it wasn't worth it. I was having far too much fun in new pursuits, doing whatever I wanted. The school is experiencing more problems born of its own stupidity anyway. So it may close down soon, with or without my interference. It's also the main reason I'm in the high-school that I am now, Raira. Since the incident lowered my qualification standards by putting a blight on my otherwise, "perfect" school record, I ended up in that dump and not some higher qualified school. I really don't care about it anyway as my quality of education doesn't matter to me, because of my career interests". He added in an equally nonchalant tone.

 

_Wait, I basically met Shizu-chan because of that stabbing incident... Everything, my losses and me becoming a monster, happened because of it. Is it Shinra's fault for jumping in front of that knife and taking it for me? No, I need to stop blaming others for my own folly. If I go by that logic, then it was Shinra's fault from the first moment he started bothering me to form a club with him. He was rather annoying, wasn't he?_ He spoke out mentally, to the phantom presence of his bonded. _Although it was distracting him again, he couldn't help it. Since Shizuo was so, so, close to rejoining him and ending the torment._

 

"Hmm, thank you for being honest and answering my questions Izaya. I apologise if it was personally invasive at all, but I just wanted to get a clear picture of you. Moving on to more proper questioning, do you have any previous affiliations with other criminal gangs or groups? If so, do you have contacts that are a part of those gangs?". Igarashi said smoothly. His voice was now blandly neutral, disclosing none of his emotions.

 

"No, Igarashi,I have no prior affiliation with the criminal underworld. The Awakusu-Kai is my first foray into its depths. I have also vetted most of my contacts, and disposed of any of them that would pose problems to a possible alliance between us. They are all ready to gather information for you at your, or the Awakusu-Kai's behest". Izaya disclosed slowly, the admittance of power leaving a sour taste in his mouth as he didn't like bowing down to others.

 

"All right then, do you have any previous criminal record? Or is there a chance the police would recognise you if they saw you? You've told me about the stabbing incident, but is there anything else? Our other informant brokers usually had an extensive criminal record before they joined us". Igarashi said calmly, lazily refilling his sake cup.

 

"No, I haven't done anything that would call for me being arrested or put into protective custody...". Izaya drawled and yawned, dulling his boredom by retreating into his mind to keep an eye on his bond. Although he didn't let his guard down, he focused more on it than Igarashi.

_I have a feeling that Igarashi is trying to interrogate me rather than just "check" me... I'm probably overreacting due to stress and pressure._ Izaya thought as his bond flared. My bond certainly isn't helping matters. _I keep thinking that Shizu-chan is here already, in this very room. He isn't, because my bond would be giving me his emotions and thoughts and it would be- I would be feeling that strange warmth in my chest... Calm down Izaya, everyone goes through a check. Its has to be a thorough vetting process, as the Awakusu is a strict criminal organisation. Don't focus on the warmth or Shizuchan..._ He sighed and prepared himself for the next question.

 

Thus it continued on, Igarashi asking him many things about his time as an informant. Sometimes they intruded too close to personal topics and the truth of his bond, but Izaya thought he did his best to bend the truth to stop anything being revealed. All the while, his bond reconnection made him feel worse and worse, almost becoming as volatile as the separation condition he had gone through before. It made him think several more times that Shizuo was in the room with him and Igarashi. Izaya could only tell that he wasn't, from the lack of property damage and screams.

 

_I just need to pass this "check" and get the information I need. That's all that's important, not my bond, or Shizu-chan. Is it though? I don't know what's more important anymore. I'm so confused_. Izaya thought dizzily, as his bond ached and captured his mind. He craved silence to quell it, and not the current situation he had planned for so long. _I need to keep talking, keep stalling. What will happen when Shizu-chan arrives? Will the full reconnection hurt badly? I don't want to hurt anymore... Survival pales in comparison to these feelings, and the warmth..._ His thoughts spun off towards the city as he felt his bond change and grow, making his skin crawl and shudder with sudden anticipation.

 

At that moment, more than anything, Izaya wanted to run out of the warehouse and close the gap between him and Shizuo. Although he knew that it was just the chemicals of his bond beckoning him to act, it had been three days since he had last seen his other half and he needed him. Shizuo was so near-

 

"Izaya, you're being silent again. It's worrying, It makes me think you're hiding something from me". Igarashi declared quietly, but with an edge of disappointment.

 

"I'm not, I've been completely honest with you. I gain nothing by hiding anything from you Igarashi. All in all, you're my ticket into the Yakuza and I wouldn't squander such a thing by lying". He talk-backed loudly, finally angry and frustrated enough to do so.

 

What happened next changed everything, absolutely everything.

 

For a moment, Izaya swore that Igarashi smiled sadly at his words. Then ,within the next, his entire demeanour changed. He sighed despondently and seemed to become colder, almost somber, utterly resigned to what he had to do. Izaya realised he was fulfilling the image of a ruthless leader in the Awakusu organisation, a complete contrast to the persona he had so far shown. Disbelief coursed through Izaya at the fact that someone like Igarashi, who was far beneath him, was doubting and deferring him in such a way.

 

"That was your true self, wasn't it Izaya? Don't worry, speaking back wouldn't have mandated your failure of the check. You would have passed... If I didn't have my doubts about you". Igarashi intoned gravely, far more serious than he and been before. "Do you know how many Yakuza members are arrested by the police on a regular basis? Izaya".

 

"I have no idea, Igarashi. Please tell me. I hope I can assuage the doubts you have about me by listening." Izaya replied hastily, mind spinning at the direction the interrogation was taking and his bond moving.

 

"Hopefully Izaya, it will. Anyway, the answer to my question is that too many are arrested or killed. Due to the violent nature of our own organisation's hierarchical progression, as well as our constant rivalry with opposing gangs for a stake in the criminal underworld, much blood is spilled and lives ruined. Therefore the police want to take as many of us out as possible, and as quickly as they can. Sure, we have connections with specific departments and figures within the police force, but so do our rivals. Therefore, we can't protect all the small fry that get arrested, we have to defend our wider interests. This split in favour and attention creates even more chaos as infighting has spread to the police and made them jockey for our favour". Igarashi spoke casually, as he got out a knife and turned it around in his hands. It's gleaming blade shined sharply in the dim light of the room while he caressed it.

 

_Fuck it. Like hell I'm going to let this idiot threaten me anymore._ Izaya thought thunderously, Shizuo's mannerisms bleeding into him as the connection between them converged. _I need to remind Igarashi that I'm a..., an asset to him and won't be pushed aside like this. I'm a skilled informant for Heavens sake! I should be able bring him down a few knots without breaking a sweat. It's yet another thing my bond has distracted me from, making me useless by stopping me from utilising my talents. As for Igarashi, he is in a precarious situation with the Awakusu-Kai... I can definitely use that to put pressure on him and get him off my back. He would rather expect that of me, than being bonded. I may not have to rely on Shizu-chan after all! Izaya decided, pushing through his bond pain to face the pathetic human that was threatening him._

 

"Why the need for the knife?, Igarashi. You can't be that insecure about me, a mere teenager. You're older and stronger than me... Surely you aren't afraid of what I could do to you? My connections and informant links aren't powerful enough to take you down, or even reach your higher ups. Speaking of which, I wouldn't dream of torpedoing your plans to expand into the Awakusu-Kai. It wouldn't be in my favour; especially with me joining under your direction". Izaya snarked at Igarashi, feeling triumphant as he momentarily regained control of his reeling mind.

 

Igarashi face grew dark at Izaya's words and insinuations. He threw the knife down on the table with enough force to make it rattle tremendously, almost causing Izaya's near-full cup of sake to fall on him.

 

"Oh, you'll see what it has to do with you, Izaya-kun. But first, lemme finish my story. Its important to our current discussion". He started, folding his hands on his lap, out of Izaya's view.

 

He's using pronouns now, how rude. Izaya noted, heartbeat rising and mind racing as his bond took his attention again.

 

"Going back to the police, they have their own higher-ups who want a share of power; on a political side, rather than a criminal one. To do this, they need absolve the image of the police force. Ergo, ridding them of corruption and the need for deals with us. As a consequence the police have even begun to arrest their own members to stop us gaining power. Every year hundreds of us are taken out of the game and mobbed by them to become informants, pressingly encouraged to sell out their gang. This tarnishes the honour of any who are arrested and leads us to never accept them into our ranks again. If we do allow them, it's only as temporary muscle and fodder for gang warfare". Igarashi said factually, divulging each point as if it was a lesson for the younger man.

 

"So what? Your suspicions of me mean that I'll have to join the Yakuza as "fodder" now, ne." Izaya retorted sharply, finding the lecture ridiculous.

 

"Oh no, that's not the part that has anything to do with you, Izaya-kun. It's more about... well, any secrets you might be keeping from us". Igarashi said coldly, with an undercurrent of dark annoyance. It was as if he was expecting Izaya to understand exactly what he was angry about, and was at the end of his tether waiting for him to acknowledge it.

 

"That whole lecture was very interesting Igarashi. However, what does it have to so with me? I've never been arrested, and I've got no secrets to hide. I wouldn't dare do anything like that with the Awakusu- with you, breathing down my neck". Izaya barked, voice dripping with fake confidence. "Apart from me obviously being a "small fry" for you, was there anything else you wanted to say?".

_And he's using pronouns now, how rude._ He personally added.

 

"Izaya, I know you're bonded. The bodyguard that greeted you, told me he had suspicions about you hiding a bond and, Kine confirmed it with a text after he observed you when leaving. Also, you used Shizuo Heiwajima as a deflection to try to threaten my guy to back down. That's another reason I believe you've been lying to me. Shizuo is your worst enemy, he'd never do anything you'd want him to". Igarashi stated calmly and scoffed, developing a very angry tilt to his jaw.

 

Izaya's blood ran cold at this, his worst fears confirmed and laid out bare. Before, he realised, he had kidded himself that Igarashi wasn't onto him, pathetically hoping it was just his suspicions and paranoia preying on him.

 

_What is this? Did he seriously just- I was right all along, and was stupidly downplaying my fears. But I've been so careful... Does being bonded really ruin everything so completely?_ Izaya thought furiously as he began to panic, accompanied by a twinge of fear. He was in a Awakusu-Kai base where they got rid of their rivals, and was surrounded by too many gang members for him to fight off on his own.

 

_I can't talk my way out of this, can I? This was all a sham anyway. I would have worked for Igarashi, and HIS advancement into the Awakusu-Kai; with only a scant guarantee on my position and safety. Hmm, maybe I can work around this somehow? Find a way to expose Igarashi to his higher-ups? Really, the worst thing is that I'm going to have to rely on my beast of a soulmate to save my skin. I hate being so dependent and weak... Though that warmth, it's almost upon me._ Izaya internally debated, as the emotional spin of his bond captured his mind and made him yearn , hard as he fought it, for Shiuzo's presence.

 

"This really will not do, your bond could endanger my entire organisation if it got out" Igarashi rambled suddenly, an undercurrent of tension growing steadily in his voice as he continued. "All my plans and preparations gone to waste... I was really betting on you actually Izaya, I would have given you a high place when I took over. Unfortunately, if you're hiding a bond, then you could be hiding other things. Who put you up to it? The police, Shiki, other higher-ups? Who's spying on me through your bond? TELL ME NOW!" He roared, voice bristling with the clear threat of violence.

 

Taken aback at this, Izaya flinched and backpedalled away from Igarashi. His face was bleached and drawn out from confusion and shock, both at the turn of the situation and at the fact that he felt his bond finally coming together. Shizuo's mind was a single breath from his, from them becoming one again.

 

"I have no idea what you mean, Igarashi. I- I'm not bonded and I can't spy-" Izaya stammered, trying to formulate a plan to survive, or at least understand Igarashi's reason for outburst.

 

"Bullshit! Don't you dare, you little bonded freak! Tell your "soulmate", and whoever's using her to listen in on this conversation, via your telepathy, that I remember the last time bonded people were used to infiltrate the Yakuza!" Igarashi shouted accusingly, cutting across Izaya before he could defend himself.

 

"I can't-" Izaya murmured sluggishly, struggling to form any kind of reply as the enormity of the situation dawned on him. Fear grasped him fully, causing him to begin praying for Shizuo to come and rescue him. The need to survive, trumped his pride and any sense of disgust at Shizuo, the beast he hated more than anything, saving him.

 

"Lemme give you a little history lesson then bonded, if you're so dam stupid and ignorant. You things do not belong in our organisation, with what you've done in the past with the fucking police. They used bonds to infiltrate us and plant informants, utilising your filthy telepathy to spy on us. There was an infamous incident in-"

 

Izaya barely heard the rest of Igarashi's rant. His bond was thinning, getting very sensitive and taunt at its dawning reconnection. Since bonds depended on emotions and feelings to stay stable, his fear and tenseness was making it worse. Black spots invaded his vision and he teared up at the impact. Unable to help it anymore, Izaya gave into raw feelings, into his bond.

 

It was fucking glorious, and right. More than being alone and rejecting it, like a sad little _flea_. Shizuo, the other half of his mind, his soul, his bond, was going through something similar. He was coming towards the warehouse at breakneck speed, like a non-stop freight train, ploughing down everything in his path to get to Izaya.

 

Izaya's ears rang as all his senses were diverted, in great anticipation, towards the end of his mind. Shizuo's pull was so strong, that it violently tore down his disquiet and anger - _at being bonded, becoming a monster, everything that had happened... Shizu-chan!-_

 

It was violent, oh yes; but it was violent concern, similar to a mother bear defending its cubs. It was all for him! For him! He had no idea that Shizuo's anger could feel this warm and vibrant; rather than the cold rejection and dim fury he had received before. Looking deeper... Oh! How the beast was _innocent_ , and could learn so much from him. Whether or not he would be willing to teach him, was another matter.

 

Then it climaxed, their bond finally reconnecting in a kaleidoscope of minds melding and fumbling emotions of forgiveness and hate.

 

- _Izaya! Get out of there now! NOW! Before they hurt you, flea_.- Shizuo screamed down their bond, passionate rage echoing behind it.

 

- _Shizu-chan, I can't, there are too many of them in the warehouse. I'm in a room with Igarashi, the gangs boss, he's_ \- Izaya shakily answered, still too overwhelmed by what his bond _was_ and what it was making him feel.

 

"Are you listening to me? You freaky fuck. Your bond is making you all glassy-eyed... you must be talking to your soulmate. Aww, are you both afraid at being found out? Invite her to come here and we can-" Igarashi interrupted him brashly, annoying Izaya at his most vulnerable moment.

 

It was the cloying, drowning, feeling of his bond that was dulling his senses and concerns. How could he worry about something as insignificant as Igarashi? When he was aware of so much more, now that his bond was reconnected.

 

- _Izaya, is that the asshole threatening you? God, he's a pathetic son of a bitch. Trying to lord it over you, while- Fuck! Stop fucking distracting me flea! GET OUT NOW!- Shizuo frantically appealed to him, buzzing with vain worry._

 

As Shizuo's rabid anger at Igarashi unfurled, Izaya could finally see the thought process behind it. Shizuo's passionate rage was being directed at someone else, and for his sake. To instead be protected by Shizuo's anger, was something inexplicable and heartwarming to experience. Maybe, as they were both monsters, he could actually try to... No, it was hatred between them. He couldn't- won't try.

 

- _I-Izaya, please not now. It's not the time for something like that- for what you're doing. With what you've gone through in the past 3 days, you're not in a healthy sense of mind to decide anything now. We need to get you out of danger and into a bond suite- Shit! What the fuck are you doing? You're still in a room with Igarashi, and he could fucking kill you. Get away from him now and try to move to the front of the warehouse_ -. Shizuo pleaded with him desperately, moving between confusion and anger as he tried to sort out his own emotions in a furious haze.

 

Izaya could feel every flux, every wave of it as Shizuo talked- _thought_ to him. It was a one way communication, and he smiled as he felt Shizuo react to his own emotional spiel.

 

On a more logical note, Izaya now had access to Shizuo's mind and strength, and he could try to manipulate both. Momentarily, he was the old Izaya Orihara again, a heartless bastard who used others for his own ends until he no longer had need of them. Except with Shizuo it was-would be, different. He wouldn't, couldn't freaking ever, let go of him.

 

- _That sounds like the old Izaya I know. Huh, its- to see things from your perspective is indescribable... No! It's dividing me in two, our bond. Your mind is acting as a filter for my anger, and fuck, it's calming me down. Though the trauma, the circumstances, and you being in danger... Damn it! I'm fucking rambling when you could die. Izaya please, just leave_ -. Shizuo pleaded with him again, dangling on a precipice of anger with their bond fluctuating wildly. - _If you can't get out now, I don't know what I'll do. I'll go fucking mad trying to rescue you, and I don't wanna hurt anyone else...I hate violence and, I hate myself for fostering my strength and letting my temper get the best of me so many times._ -

 

Izaya tensed as Shizuo's worry and pacifism overcame him. It was in stark contrast to his rabid anger from moments earlier, and showed Izaya his softer side. Izaya had been wrong about the beast- he wasn't a beast; he had a name, Shizuo Heiwajima. The line between human and monster began blurring as he realised this. He tried to rein his mind back in to process everything, but it was all spinning and breaking down-

 

- _Izaya, my right hand is hurting like hell- no, my entire fucking arm. Are you all right? What did they do? Fuck it! I'm going to kill them all now, every single Yakuza in existence. They've hurt you, and that's the last straw._ \- Shizuo screeched vengefully to him via their bond. His anger was now the violent fury Izaya knew he usually had, rather than the defensive type he had possessed before.

 

Izaya furrowed his brow, confusion spreading along his side of the bond at Shizuo's reaction, wondering how in hell he had been hurt.

 

Then, as if on cue, pain erupted in his right hand and spread along his whole arm. Izaya thought it was on fire by its blazing trail. Focusing his gaze, he shuddered when he saw blood spreading along the table. Hurriedly trailing his eyes upwards, Izaya screamed as he finally saw the cause of it.

 

There was a knife protruding out of his right hand, just above the wrist, and Igarashi was staring up at him dementedly from behind it. His face was twisted into a psychotic grimace of pure loathing, because he was dealing with what inspired that emotion within him the most, a bonded person. He laughed again and yanked the knife from Izaya's hand, a dripping trail of blood following it.

 

"I stabbed you in the fucking hand, and you didn't even register it until I twisted the knife? You're the first bonded person I've evert met and you're just as much of a freak as I thought you'd be. Your whole spaced out schtick is cute though". Igarashi's said sarcastically, as Izaya clutched his bloody hand and shrieked.

 

_Izaya! Forget the pain and frickin' move. Igarashi could stab you again and end it. You're stronger than you think! Please Izaya! I wanna have some kinda life with you..._ Shizuo's frantic thoughts, from a monumental effort to get over his anger, broke the spell. Just as abruptly, Shizuo's mind went back to its clouded fury, making Izaya cry out again as he felt alone without the other half of his bond.

"I guess, if you're just gonna stand there with your mouth open and scream uselessly, I can hurt you anyway I like, Right? Well that means..." Igarashi smugly gloated, taking his time as he thought Izaya defenceless.

 

Seeing that Igarashi was too busy taunting him, Izaya mustered all the strength he could and darted towards the Awakusu leader. He headed for Igarashi's feet so he could try to trip him up, even if the blood loss was making him delirious.

 

Igarashi's eyes widened at his sudden movement and he moved as well, making to lunge at Izaya with the knife at full tilt.

 

Anticipating this, Izaya kept his trajectory until the last moment and avoided the knife by sliding slightly to the right. As he was weak, both mentally and physically, he moved rather sluggishly and only missed it by a hairs length. Izaya flinched, knowing that if Igarashi had dipped it just an inch more, he would have achieved his goal and stabbed him in the shoulder.

 

Igarashi routed himself and swept around, growling lowly as he prepared for another leap. From his orientation, Izaya guessed that he was going to try to leap on top of him and end it quickly.

 

Cursing, Izaya barely dodged the assaulting leap by forcing himself forward and rolling clumsily across the room. Adrenaline coursing through him, he used it to think as he moved.

 

 

_How can I slow him down? What do I have?_ He rapidly thought as he felt something move in his left trouser pocket. It was- _My flick blade... I can attempt to wound him at least._ Izaya pondered further as he came to a crashing stop and felt Igarashi land with a heavy thump, where he had been moments before. _No, Igarashi has more body strength than me, and I'm too unstable get close enough to him anyway. If I had the high ground, I could punch him in the kidneys or neck. But as I'm lying low, my legs are the only real weapon. Therefore, I'll have to use my intelligence to try to get out of this... Igarashi doesn't know much about bonds and is wrong about them in many aspects, especially their development. Maybe I can trick him and- Heh, hahaha, I can't- that's naughty._ The realisation almost made Izaya laugh out loud and he even felt a faint -very faint- glimmer of Shizuo's amusement at his strategy.

 

"Igarashi you don't need to fight me, I'm too weak to put up a fight against you! You're right, I am with the police. My girlfriend , my soulmate, is freaking out and it hurts. Please let me go, so I can get to her and make it stop!" Izaya yelled out in overdramatic fashion, flailing his arms and legs around to make it seem as if he had given up.

 

"Aw, all the fights gone out of you already. What a pity. I'm sorry Izaya, but I'm going to have to refuse your request. As I said earlier, "you're in too deep now". So I'm afraid, I'm going to have to kill you to stop you blabbing to anyone. In many ways, as your cursed with a bond, it's a mercy kill". Igarashi taunted him triumphantly as he crept towards him, knife clasped tightly in hand.

 

Stomach churning at the disgusting thing that Igarashi had just said, more out of an instinctual level than any emotional one, Izaya kept his cool and didn't lash out. Plastering a look of panic on his face, and muttering "please don't" and "you don't understand us" in breathless spurts, he lured Igarashi closer by continuing his façade of a bond blackout.

 

"I really must do it Izaya, to stop you spilling my plans to the cops. If you were in my position, you'd do the same to cover all your bases. You have the same sick mind for power that I do, I know it. As for understanding you, I don't need to dwell on the sick _thing_ between you and your girlfriend. She was probably a common slut before you bonded with her, like most women are". Igarashi leered as he stooped over Izaya.

When the fool was almost upon him, Izaya vented his legs and kicked upwards. Igarashi's eyes widened at this and he stumbled back, too surprised to use the knife as a weapon when he could fall on it from the sudden momentum of Izaya's movement.

 

Kicking him in the stomach, Izaya stooped and span around, following it up with a kick in between Igarashi's legs with his left foot.

 

Igarashi dropped the knife and collapsed into a ball with a small whine, clenching his legs together as his eyes watered. Seeing that his plan had succeeded, Izaya used his last burst of energy to shamble over and kick him in the stomach until he became unconscious.

 

Satisfied with his actions, Izaya shakily stood up and leant against the wall to catch his breath. He shuddered when he saw just how much the room was covered in blood, and averted his eyes.

 

Then Izaya frowned, something was wrong.

 

Adrenalin, as great a natural drug as it was, should definitely not have sustained him through the fight he had just had . At the most, it should have allowed him a few minutes of shaky consciousness, and no chance at fighting off the Awakusu leader. Instead it had lasted for far longer than it naturally should have, giving Izaya another reason for why he was now a monster.

 

 

_It's all my bond and Shizu-chan, that made me last for as long as I did._ Izaya tensed, as he felt a sick sensation develop in the pit of his stomach at his new, unnatural, versatility. _It's given me, via our reconnection, some of Shizu-chan's physical affinity. It's not near the level that Shizu-chan naturally has, and never will, but I sense that it could grow and develop to some extent... I, I have another advantage! More power!_ He glowed at this, the first real boon his bond had actually given him.

 

_I could use this in some way, It would certainly help with any other future conflicts with the Yakuza. Shizu-chan wouldn't want that life though, he wants the warmth and for me not to be in any more danger. Izaya continued thinking, cheeks blushing slightly as he felt Shizuo's concern begin to re-sync with his side of the bond. It can't be a selfless desire. He just wants me to survive so that he doesn't die. He's not human, I'm not human, and I have that same selfishness... We're on the same rotting pedestal, we both don't care about the other._ His mood turned from selfish joy to worthless sadness, all at the truth of his bond

 

Izaya trembled, the full weight of everything that had happened that day crashing down on him in its entirety. He was stronger than this, and better, Shizuo's words echoed to him again. But that couldn't be true, he was a monster destined to die pathetically of old age beside another monster that would hate him forever. It all came together perfectly, in a world full of humans that had better concerns and lives than he did, Izaya Orihara's heart could finally shatter and fill with despair.

_Shut up and leave me alone! You've got no idea of some of the things I've done for my love of humanity, Shizu-chan. I've talked people into committing suicide for my amusement, and have an extensive network that sells information to criminal interests, among other "unmentionable" things. I've ruined many lives Shizuo, and I'm going to ruin yours as well now that we're bonded. I would've probably ruined it even if we hadn't bonded, but now you get a front row seat to share in my ruin._ Izaya rejected Shizuo's kindness, storming deflecting it from his end of the bond.

 

- _Don't be an idiot flea... Shh, shh, I'm here now, and you don't need to panic anymore. I don't care about what you've done. (Izaya snorted at this, he could sense it was a false assurance. All lies, like Shizuo's feigned concern) It's in the past, and.. Shit, what am I doing? You're traumatised, you've gone through way too much in the past few days. Let's not talk, or think, about it now. We need to focus in what's really important, getting out of this Awakusu hole alive and together. Focus on your selfish need for survival, flea. Let it be an anchor for your feelings. God, this is bullshit- sorry again, just try to calm down._ \- The thought came from the front of the warehouse, accompanied by screams, and the crunch of something heavy hitting the ground.

 

Head hurting from the dumb beasts thoughts, Izaya smirked slightly, unable to help himself from finding amusement in it. Shizuo really was an idiot, and a liar, but he -as much as Izaya hated to admit it- was right. They and to get of the warehouse and into a secure place -A bond suite?- to finally process everything that had happened and sort out the messed up dynamic between them.

 

This was the beginning of a whole new chapter in his life, Izaya realised. He and Shizuo fighting, and this whole Awakusu debacle, was only a messy prologue to the rest of it. His bond with Shizuo Heiwajima was now their shared story.

 

His shared life with Shizuo Heiwajima had begun, and he would now never have a moment alone without the others presence.

 

He hated it.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *yubitsume- a Japanese torture ritual in which portions of the little finger are removed, supposedly used by the Yakuza as an initiation ritual for new members. 
> 
> After re-watching parts of drrr!, I have a theory that the Yakuza in its verse are far larger, powerful and threatening than in reality. Hence my interpretation of them in this ch.
> 
> There will be more and I might do a yakuza arc after the next arc. 
> 
> Also I hope that the you're problem has been fixed, centipatch!


	13. XIII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 13-XIII
> 
> Please follow, fave, or leave a review if you can. It really helps fuel my creative juices and feedback. Even if it's just "plz update", it shows me that people are still reading and enjoying this fic. Thank you! 
> 
> Finally! Finally finally finally! It was June, then July, then finally August! Thank you August!
> 
> Hellow all! I know this is late but it was a bitch to write, easily the second hardest chapter of this fic so far. The mid section was the hardest, when Izaya and Shizuo reconnect. It was just-ugh! The dialogue and endless editing...I don't wanna give myself writing nightmares so I'll stop there.
> 
> Irl has been better in the last 3 months as well, I still have sleeping problems but have been trying lots of different work experiences and have been having fun with new friends! I'm also slightly late due to discovering a show called Steven universe, a kids cartoon that is freaking awesome. Check it out if you like cool cartoons.
> 
> Also I'm trying something new with the prologue of this chapter..., and I have an idea for another fic in mind with much short chapters, but it would be an asoiaf/game of thrones fanfic...
> 
> And the first part of Shizuo's POV takes part simultaneously with the end of last chapter!
> 
> Key
> 
> -thoughts that Shizuo and Izaya share-
> 
> Character thoughts of the respective p.o.v (italics)
> 
> [texts/Celty Speak]”

 

Chapter III-The bleeding of emotions

 

The masses of the world who are fundamentally uneducated about bonds, and thus view them through either an idealised or prejudiced lens, will have no true inkling of what one is until they have formed one. It is likely, since the percentage of new bonds vs the growing population of the world has been steadily falling since the end of the Second World War in 1945 (see the previous chapter for a more thorough analysis of this phenomenon), that they never will. Therefore, unlike the hard science of the rest of this book, in this chapter I am going to attempt to rely more on personal exposition and softer evidence to educate readers. I shall seek to dispel the mainstream, manufactured, myths of bonds whilst simultaneously reporting on their true nature. I mainly mean preconceptions about the overlapping of emotions in a bond, and how intense feelings and the time that the bond has existed contribute empirically to its strength.

 

A main belief is that there is no trauma or confusion in a bond, that the new connection between two people is unilaterally wholesome and undivided. Sure, they have just met, and may even be in a pre-existing relationship, but they now have the rest of their lives with only each other, both romantically and  telepathically because of the bond. Isn't that magical? In plainer speak, I temper that they believe in the "hollywood" version of bonds. That minds meld ceaselessly together, becoming one entity in a slow, graceful motion.

 

This is wholly untrue. There are cases where two forced minds have taken years, or even decades, to come to a mental balance to function together as "soulmates". Some, albeit thankfully few, never reach that point and are thus forcibly interred in a mental institution to cope with the resulting trauma. I find this aspect of bonds particularly fascinating. Since it makes me hypothesise that if I had met my soulmate years later in our lives, we wouldn't have had as near an easy bonding as we did in our youth.

 

There is also the danger of one persons mind emotionally overcoming the others, because they are out of sync due to their bond being underdeveloped. The affected half can find themselves echoing the personality traits and mindset of their bonded, depending on the strength of the other half's feelings. This often leads to them acting "out of character", being capable of carrying out actions that they would consider abhorrent in a normal state of mind as it so against their usual self. Morality is also another reason to consider. While removed from the usual scientific calculations, it presents a possible situation of one bonded knowingly manipulating the other.

 

Going back to the initial formation of a bond, there have been rare cases with strong bonds where the strength itself was enough to tightly connect both minds. Though there hasn't been an example of this in recent times, as most came into being in the aftermath of world war 2 when the power of  bonds significantly decreased. Most of those bonded pairs have long been deceased, so we must wait for the next, as potent one. If it is ever formed that is. The only remaining obstacles would be between the two persons affected, personal chemistry playing the part of whether they would be together romantically, or even able to stand the others presence.

 

I wrote this not to admonish my uneducated peers, but to show them that there is a lot more to bonds than mainstream media would have them believe. They themselves have done right for bonds in many ways, advancing their social acceptance along with gay rights and similar causes. In my native Japan, protests and insurrections have made same-sex bonds, when coupled with its religious significance, more accepted than ever before. Though there is still a large upward climb to overcome the still existing prejudice and arrogance aimed against us, this shows that it is not all gloom and doom.

 

With this, I think that the clause should, for the sake of morality and citizenry, be revoked to stop the forceful study of new bonded couples. Although it was a desperate measure created in 1946 to control the study of the first volatile bonds, it is no longer relevant in our modern times. It should be rightfully discarded before the next pair of "interesting soulmates" suffer its abuse. Even if it hasn't been fully invoked in years, the poor couple won't have much of a life after its inclusion, especially with the usual rabid media interest. I pity them and shall attempt to help them overcome partaking it with all my might.

 

-Excerpt from _Telepathy: The Ugly Truths of a Bond_ , by Daisuke Heiwajima.

 

 

For once, Shiuzo was enjoying- no, _relishing_ violence, and his strength. This was because he was fighting people who had hurt Izaya, and by extension, him. It was completely and utterly sublime, being able to get vengeance in such a forceful way. His bond was taking all of his attention, stopping him from even thinking as he enacted brutal punishment.

 

It was all justified anyway, as the Awakusu goons had made it fair game by attacking him first after he had announced his presence by jumping into the middle of a group of them. Shizuo had used just enough physical power to crack the pavement into a small fissure, to try to shock them enough to run away from him in a last feeble attempt at nonviolent confrontation. Instead they had screamed, immediately drawn a multitude of weapons (mainly knives and baseball bats), and rushed at him with murderous intent in their eyes.

 

So, in an obtuse way, it was self-defense.

 

But it was all the same through the haze that was his worry for Izaya, vengeance took a backseat to getting to him as quick as he fucking could.

 

It was going to take a while though; since they were so many of them and Shizuo had already wasted the only weapon he had on hand, a street lamp, on bashing an Awakusu goon with a gaudy gold chain necklace into unconsciousness. He had no idea why he had gone for that one in particular, but something about him had made him into the sole focus of his anger until he'd take him out.

 

He couldn't speed up his assault by appropriating any of the knives and bats that the gang members were using, as they were too flimsy for him to wield and he had already crushed most of the dropped ones underfoot during the fight anyway. Therefore he had to rely on his own limbs for offensive action by kicking and punching, while depending on his agility and wits to avoid any hits or stabs that could injure and set him back.

 

He had to get on with it and let loose, Shizuo realized. His gaze turned an intense red as he sensed Izaya's own fight parallel with his. Here he was, with mental immunity and hardiness, being slow and taking his sweet time in fighting off a bunch of useless morons, while the flea- his flea, as they were a bonded pair and by principle belonged to one another- was struggling against a much more powerful foe. All alone.

 

Shizuo roared, greater than he had ever dared, and allowed his bond to consume him. No longer caring about any injuries he could suffer, he began to thoroughly and recklessly thrash the mob attacking him.

 

There was a brief moment of some positive emotion from Izaya's end as it began-amusement? Enjoyment? General Izaya-ness? - and Shizuo found himself stifling a light chuckle at whatever it was. Then it was gone as soon as it had come, leaving him alone with his own mindless fury.

 

It manifested properly as he reflexively grabbed a goons wrist whilst dodging the weapons of five others. The force was enough to immediately break it, making the unfortunate cry out in pain and drop his weapon; a comically small pocket knife.

 

Shizuo followed it up with a direct punch to his face that took him out, and used his limp form as a shield to further ward off the rest. Then, dropping the body so that it joined the few other unconscious ones on the ground, he abruptly moved to fight another goon.

 

Shizuo heard muttering and murmurs of panic and alarm at his new cohesive assault. He fought wildly, the crunch of bones becoming a regular noise for a while as he handed out equal punches and swerves to whoever was unfortunately within reach. This made the rest of the Awakusu gang hurry away from him, leaving a few victims behind to take the brunt of his violence.

 

Maybe he killed people at that time, but it didn't matter. They deserved it for messing with his bonded and being part of such a criminal organization as the Awakusu-kai. In the end, there was only him and one poor gang member who smelled like he had long ago pissed himself during the fight and was clutching a broken wrist as if he would die. Shizuo had to roll his eyes at this, the older thug was making a mountain out of a molehill and he couldn't sympathize as he suffered far worse by the age of 12, and advanced on him anyway.

 

"I yield! I yield demon! I'm sorry for whatever I've done to incur your wrath. Please lemme go, please!" The man sobbed, collapsing in on himself as Shizuo loomed over him.

 

He didn't time to waste on facing down just one mook for hurting his other half. Ill pity curling in his belly, he settled for deftly poking the guy on the forehead and allowed him to exit the battle via gentle unconsciousness.

 

Turning, Shizuo saw that the rest of the gang had taken refuge in the warehouse and locked the door behind them. Laughing sadistically, he strode forward, ready to give them the pain they deserved-

 

Wait what? That wasn't like him at all, to be so cold-hearted and vindictive as that- it was Izaya's  characteristics merging into his own and making him act out. He flinched at this fact, that such a part of the toxic flea's mind could affect him and make him even enjoy being violent. He'd relished in giving the Awakusu group exactly what they deserved for hurting his bonded. Except they hadn't exactly. None of the small fry he had fought so far had known that he and Izaya were bonded to one another. Thus they didn't deserve the extreme beating he had just given them. However, they were common criminals in league with Igarashi, who was undoubtedly guilty. Then they were human-

 

Izaya was finally shattering completely, the brief distraction of the Awakusu was no longer an excuse for him to postpone facing his feelings. The true horror of his bond was now his to experience, and he was _alone_. He- his bonded couldn't be alone when he was so scared and injured, Shizuo wouldn't allow it. The desperate instincts of his bond kicked in and screamed at him to get to Izaya before he died, or before his despair swallowed him completely. Getting to Izaya and comforting him was all that mattered now, not fighting the Awakusu-Kai or punishing that piece of shit Igarashi. 

 

The flea- his flea was now rambling, trying to reject him and push him away by conceding all his darkest deeds and secrets. He had talked people into committing suicide and dealt with criminal interests that had probably led to innocent lives being ruined. He was also saying that he was going to ruin Shizuo's life now and-

 

Shizuo wanted to laugh back and brush it off, to pretend that it didn't matter and that he was just happy to finally have a soulmate. If he tried to, it would have been a useless façade. Similar to sticking his fingers in his ears and ignoring the rush of hatred and sadness he felt at the horrible things Izaya had done as it if were a bad song. It made him want to smash the flea's head in, rather than be with him. Therefore the flea-he couldn't bear to call him his own at that moment,- was right in that Shizuo was lying in his assurances.

 

Shizuo would have to try to forgive the flea. It was part of his resolve to give him a chance. He couldn't waste anymore time musing on his feelings by allowing his bond to distract him when Izaya was suffering.

 

A small part of Shizuo hoped, before the last mad rush began, that the Awakusu members would now stay out of his way and leave him to find Izaya. He didn't want to "punish" them anymore, he just wanted to grab Izaya, staunch his wound, and get the fuck away from that godforsaken warehouse. It didn't occur to him then, that he had no plans on how to get a wounded Izaya with a newly reconnected bond to the nearest hospital. Where one was even located, was something else he had no idea of.

 

Instead, Shizuo walked to the double doors and took ahold off them each by the handles. He then calmly tore them off their hinges and threw both behind him.

 

The sight that greeted him was a huddled and trembling group of Awakusu-Kai gangsters, who feebly held up whatever remaining weapons they hadn't dropped in the panic of their retreat. It was their last stand against him, and Shizuo didn't even have the heart to tell them that he no longer cared about them. They screamed shrilly in fear and quivered closer together as the door landed with a loud crash behind him, solidly enough to reverberate loudly throughout the warehouse.

 

Not even glancing in their direction, he began running through the warehouse. He thought random and rambling comfort to Izaya as he did so, to try to calm him down.The sounds of the groups non belief and relief at him ignoring them faded as he got further away. Soon he was blindly barreling in the dark, knocking over cheap lanterns that did fuck all to light any of the darkness, with only his bond sense of where Izaya was to guide him.

 

 _Aww Shizzy, you really want to find me. Don't you? Your concern is so lovely...and so unwarranted because it's coming from our disgusting bond. You're only pretending to give me a chance and forgive me anyway. Hatred is the basis of our bond and always will be. I can feel all the hatred you have for what I've done, for talking suicidal people into killing themselves and freely giving information to devious criminals for them to commit more crimes. Y'know the youngest person I coerced into committing suicide, for my amusement of course, was a fifteen year old girl who hadn't even finished middle school! She was worrying about her weight you see, especially after her boyfriend had dumped her for a classmate who was much thinner than her. Or so she imagined. It was quite pathetic, how easy-_ The flea venomously spewed at him, now that they were near enough to fully communicate mentally.

 

 _You're the one that's pathetic, flea. What did she ever do to you? And I thought you loved humanity, so why- no, I see how it is. You love humanity the same way a child loves a toy, until it loses your interest and becomes disposable. You're not trying to make me kill you, you really are traumatized. Your entire worldview has crumbled... Shinra told me your heart was weak, but I know you’re strong-_ Shizuo tried reasoning.

_Shinra told you that!? When- what else did he tell you?_ The flea demanded quickly, now full of worry and panic than anger. _He shouldn't have- I'm losing my mind. Please not now, It's too much for me to handle. My friend betrayed me. Didn't he? Shinra would never...but if he spoke to you then he did._   His mind spiralled, going back to its meltdown, and bared all to Shizuo. -hurt, confused,being split in three different ways; immortality, destruction of everything, and Shizu-chan the most!-

 

 _Crap! Why the fuck did I let that slip? And why is it so important that Shinra spoke to me?  I didn't know...please don't blame me flea. No more meandering- we NEED to sort this out in the bond suite._ He barred his teeth and groaned at the whirlwind of emotions that was Izaya's mind.

 

Izaya wasn't helping either. He had started sarcastically laughing at himself and Shizuo, and was sending him endless feelings of hatred and despair again. This was clouding his sense of where the other was, and made him want to just tear down the entire warehouse until he found him.

_That isn't such a bad idea. This is a rotten place after all and deserves to be torn apart- Stop! Stop it flea! Don't influence my mind like that you fuck_. Shizuo growled and snapped at his bonded.

_Hahahahaha! This is so much fun! I told you I'd ruin your life Shizu-chan, and this is just the start of it. If I've lost everything, then you've got to lose it all too. I'm going to manipulate and influence you as much as I can to give into your volatile nature more often. We're going to amuse each other so much, and cause so much death and destruction among my beloved humans_. The flea beckoned back, insanely cheerful.

 

Izaya was seriously fucking annoying him and reigniting his anger towards him at the worst possible moment. Shizuo had to take deep breaths and focus on remaining calm as he barreled through walls and around corners, trying desperately to keep his hatred of Izaya on a leash.

                                                             

 _A leash~! You really are a monster Shizu-chan! Especially if your own emotions require leashes!_ The thought came from quite near, from just behind a plywood door that went down like paper when Shizuo tore though it.

 

The first thing that hit him was the smell. The room stank of blood and rank sweat that vulgarly assaulted his senses and made him reel back slightly in shock. Despite this, there was something even worse awaiting him when he finally recovered.

 

When Shizuo managed to blearily look up and catch sight of Izaya, his fury fled from him and he had to avoid collapsing. The flea looked so pitiful, that he couldn't feel anything but _sorry_ for him.

 

Izaya was a wreck, both mentally and physically. His eyes were drawn out and dark shadows had formed under them due to a lack of sleep; and his entire figure seemed gaunt from endless worry. It was also quite clear that he was weak from losing a lot of blood and the trauma of his bond. Speaking of the wound, which would most likely scar from how deep it was, he had done nothing to staunch it and it was still dripping blood onto the grimy floor. Most shocking of all was the way his mind reacted when he saw Shizuo. It reverberated with intense despair and hatred for both of them, that increased tenfold at his presence

 

“Get the fuck away from me!  I don't want to spend the rest of my life with you and die as a smelly old man at our bonds behest. We'll never care about each other Shizu-chan. Never! I'll make sure of it, till the last breath of my pitiful existence". Izaya screamed at him as he began backing away in horror. He didn't even bother to communicate mentally via their bond connection, since it reminded him of everything he'd lost that day.

_Izaya, calm down. I'm not going to kill you or even hurt you. Let me look at your wound, I think that if I tear my shirt into strips I can staunch it. When you're better and calmer, we can get outta here._ Shizuo thought to Izaya soothingly. He began slowly moving towards him as he held his arms out, making to embrace and hold him until he stopped panicking.

 

 _No, I don't want...you to come anywhere near me. Shizu-chan stop it and get away from me._ Izaya yelled, mentally this time, and backed away even quicker. He tripped over himself as he wasn't watching his legs, and continued scrabbling away on his haunches while on the floor.

 

Shizuo caught him and held him as tenderly as he could manage in his anger. It was easier than he thought it would be, as Izaya's body felt so precious in his arms that he couldn't even comprehend doing anything to hurt him. The flea was also thinner and more spindly than he had originally envisioned him being, but Shizuo could still feel solid muscle through his red shirt.  It meant that Izaya was much more of an athlete and runner than he was, also illustrated by him  succeeding in running away from him so many times in the month they had known each other. In contrast, he was built more like a fighter, being far stockier and heavier than his bonded.

 

Izaya screamed harshly when he made contact and punched and kicked him repeatedly with his uninjured limbs, pathetically trying to ward him away. He was lashing out as he didn't want his arch nemesis to touch him. Shiuzo understood this and forgave him silently as each blow landed. He then caught the fist and held it gently as he rocked the flea back and forth to calm him down. He didn't want to treat his bonded while he was having such a violent outburst, since there was a chance he might make his hand stab worse in his mania.

 

As soon as Izaya ran out of energy and slacked in his efforts to push Shizuo away, and went back to belittling him mentally, he tore off the bottom of his shirt and began bandaging Izaya's right hand as best he could. He could feel the fleas odd surprise when he did a pretty good job of it, since he was so used to having done it for his own injuries over the years.

 

 _Shizu-chan was injured getting his strength...you broke your bones so many times until they developed to a point where they didn't anymore. That explains so much. Though you were such a stupid protozoan to force youself through all that pain anyway. Shinra told me once, but I forgot it as I didn't think it was important enough to remember_. The flea rambled incoherently. Shizuo didn't bother replying as he finished tying the material around Izaya's hand. For once, he had said the comment out of awe, and not malicious intent. Showing him that his bonded wasn't nearly as he bad as he had originally thought. The flea wasn't cruel and horrible all the time, he had genuine human curiosity in him. Hopefully, it could be put to good use now that Shizuo would always be with him.

 

 _We need to get to a hospital, to a bond suite. I'm going to carry you to one, ok? Fucking shit! I don't even have a freaking idea of where one is in this goddamn part of town._ Shizuo's irritation rose again at this, albeit more gentle and in command of itself than before.

 

_Shizuo, I-_

 

 _Be quiet Izaya! I know that your mind is filtering my anger again now that we've both calmed down. You talking, or trying to badger me into doing what you want, isn't helping at this point. You've actually been distracting me and increasing your chance of dying with us not getting out of here. So for once, and for your own good, please shut up and listen to me._ Shizuo snapped across Izaya, wanting to no longer be viewed as a lesser being now that they were together.

 

The flea felt aback at his new behavior, but wasn't cowed by it.

 

 _No, I'm not going to shut up because Shizu-chan ordered me too. I wanted to say that- you actually mean it when you say that you'll always be with me!? How fucking mad are you!? We hate each other. We're both monsters, and our bond is corrupting me with your inhumanity. I've lost everything because of you, so you owe me big to make up for it. And I'm not going to have an ordinary life, that would be so boring, ne._ Izaya countered wildly, but Shizuo could sense he was less chaotic and angry than before. The flea was winding down, now that the other half of his bonded was with him and had treated his hand. It meant he could finally relax without fear of death. However he was still weak, and Shizuo knew that if they didn't get moving soon, both of them were in danger of whiting out because of it.

 

Without replying, he hoisted Izaya up bridal style and turned to leave, no longer willing to waste time.

_Oh wow! What a clich_ _é_ _yaoi manga scenario we're in! When are you going to cover me with kisses and fuck me Shizu-chan? Actually, you should be the bottom...Wait, our bond means you aren't straight at all. What a shock for you! You'll never have sex with a woman, or father children. We'll never adopt any either as I hate children. Don't blame me, blame my annoying sisters-_ Izaya began complaining, trying to build up Shizuo's fury again.

 

Shizuo rolled his eyes at this and cradled Izaya to get a better grip on him, making him shut up with a squeak at the abrupt movement.

 

Then-

 

 _Igarashi is awake! I must've knocked him out with less strength than I thought!_   Izaya suddenly exclaimed when they were almost out the door. He wasn't panicking, instead only making a bored note of the fact. Shizuo's temper rose and his anger blazed anew when he realised the flea was telling the truth.

 

"Woah woah woah, it was all true! Fucking Jesus Christ! Please don't hurt me! IdidntknowIzayawasbondedtoyou-" Igarashi whined loudly, pulling himself up and sobbing shrilly when he saw that they were both together.

 

Leave him be Shizu-chan. He's not worth it. Unless...you actually want to prove yourself to me by killing him so that he never threatens us again? Go on, do it. You're a monster after all, so killing is part of your nature. I promise I won't tell a soul of the murder you've committed. Izaya drilled into him, his layers of suggestion intent on manipulating Shizuo to follow his orders of death.

 

Shizuo wanted to turn and run out, but this idiot had hurt Izaya, hurt him, hurt them. He couldn't let that stand, as well as the risk that Igarashi might harm them both again by telling the Yakuza of their existence.

 

“Kill kill kill” he began whispering, allowing Izaya's violent inclinations to get to him. Even the sadism returned, as he gently dumped Izaya on the floor - _giggling madly at how easy it had been to turn Shizuo to his whim. Then it hurt emotionally...was he wrong to do this!?_ \- and turned to the quivering Yakuza boss.

 

"Don't kill me, please! I'll never tell anyone about your bond. I swear. In fact, I'll move far away from Tokyo and no one will ever know where I've gone. The Yakuza won't be bothered with a small fry like me, one of their minor gang leaders. They have bigger fish to worry about in the current gang war." Igarashi bawled out, and in a stupid move, underlined the main danger he posed to them.

 

This cowardly _surrender_ , without any genuine effort to make up for what he had done, or remorse for hurting Izaya, stoked Shizuo's anger enough to banish any doubts of killing him. It made him wordlessly raise a fist and walk towards Igarashi silently.

 

"No, please no! Call him off-, get him off me Izaya! I'll give you anything you want: money, my body, _information_? I'll give it to you, all of it. The yakuza higher-ups contact details, their deals-" Igarashi sobbed and continued bawling.

 

"That doesn't mean anything to us, sorry Igarashi. We need to get the fuck outta here after I kill you b-" Shizuo cut him off sharply, only for Izaya to suddenly interrupt him in turn with a hasty reprimand.

 

 _Wait Shizu-chan! That information does mean something to me, as I could use it to advance my own interests. Remember you owe me for all the pain you've caused me. So calm down, I'll be fine for 5 minutes while we listen to him. You've staunched my wound and I've got some endurance from our bond, so we can wait it out. Don't worry about me Shizu-chan._ The flea demanded.

                                    

Shizuo gritted and gnashed his teeth together in silent fury at the order, but managed to hold himself back by forcing every fiber of his being to comply. He was also sarcastically thankful when his soulmate didn't make any "good dog" comments or anything to that effect, since he was too engrossed in getting Igarashi's information and was thus sidelining him.

 

"You've stopped!? What's going on? Is it freaky bond shi-" Igarashi clapped a hand over his mouth to stop himself from saying something stupid that would have definitely gotten Shizuo's anger aimed back at him.

 

"Tell me all you know about your higher-ups Igarashi-kun, and you'll live. Otherwise, I'll set Shizu-chan on you again and you'll definitely become nothing more than a splatter on the ground for others to sneer at. The Awakusu-Kai will also wonder where on earth Igarashi-kun has vanished- Did he go to a rival gang? Did he betray us? I'll spread the rumor that your family knows where you are, and make sure that they're by the yakuza. You know I'm serious in my threats, so don't refuse me. Ne." Izaya said sneeringly, trying to coax Igarashi into submission.

 

Shizuo felt great disgust at Izaya's words, making his anger return to being directed solely at him.  Even if Igarashi was a cowardly wimp like the flea himself was, he didn't deserve such evil threats or for his family to get dragged into their dangerous business. Also, they had to get the fuck away, Izaya was only stalling and was getting weaker every second.

_Don't be such a fool Shizu-chan, especially about something so mundane. This is what my life, and now yours to a degree, is all about. It's the pursuit of power in of itself, and over others, until you get what you want. I'm going to get into the Awakusu-Kai and storm up its ranks as the best freelance informant broker in existence. Even if the information Igarashi is giving me will stew in my head while I recover, it will be useful eventually_. Izaya told Shizuo dismissively. He was too busy listening to Igarashi, who was spewing a number of references and contact details for different Yakuza members in gratitude for not being killed. It was clear from his fumbling manner, that Igarashi had been feigning some of what he knew about his higher-ups, and therefore knew much less than he had let on. However, Izaya still seemed to be finding some value in it, as he looked more focused than Shizuo had ever seen him.

_Ok I'll put up with this, this once Izaya. But in future, I don't want to have anything to do with criminals, especially with a group like the Awakusu-Kai that almost killed you. That includes the information Igarashi is giving you, which I know is counter to what I just said about no more contact with gangs-fuck my head is hurting like hell...Fuck it! Finish in a few minutes, or I'm dragging you out by the ear. I don't care about how much shared pain we'll go through._ Shizuo bit back.

 

 _Yes yes Shizu-chan_. Izaya answered back indifferently; still too intent on storing and categorizing the information Igarashi was giving him.

 

Shizuo sighed and listened in, as he had nothing better to do. For a while, he could comprehend nothing in the hushed whispers his soulmate and the criminal were sharing. It was all useless shit to him anyway, all the random contact details of unknown criminals he would probably never meet. Eventually he caught something his simple-minded brain could understand, as Igarashi was giving Izaya a basic run down of the Awakusu-Kai hierarchy. 

 

"The Awakusu family- they are the main players and leaders in the Awakusu-Kai gang, that's why it's named after them heh- is compromised of Dougen and his son and heir Mikiya, who has a beautiful wife and young daughter by the way, if that personal stuff interests you. They are the top dogs at the head of the hierarchy, everyone else in their family is important as well, but even they fall into line and follow their leads. I am actually part of that privileged rota. Even if I am just the son of some minor cousin, a twice married female bitch-"

 

"I'm not interested Igarashi, you make it sound like a royal family that follows distinct lineages. Stop that and get on with it before time runs out and I have to kill you". Izaya said in a sarcastic sing-song voice, too intent on getting what he wanted and then getting away from the place where all his dreams had been crushed.

_Stop noting everything in my head Shizu-chan. You're the only one that can see and sense everything I feel so there's no need to narrate everything I'm thinking. We don't have some hidden invisible audience looking in on our bond, so please, fucking please, stop it._ Izaya retorted to him personally, as an alarmed Igarashi back-pedalled furiously.

 

 _Ok ok, I apologise and I'll stop doing it if it's really annoying you as much as you claim it is. Though I'm sure if there was an audience Izaya, they'd be pretty damn interested in the inner ravings of a mind like yours. You're so fucked up in your beliefs and mindset that I bet they wouldn't ever get enough of it, not just your mind, but the unhealthy bond dynamic between us. Our fighting and bantering is- Shit! I'm counting to sixty and we're going. I've started feeling woozy and- you're going to faint soon! My bond versatility can't carry us forever Izaya. What the fuck are we doing getting distracted by listening to Igarashi!?_ He bantered back, ending in worry.

 

_You're distracting me now Shizu-chan, though... Shit! You're right! I don't want to black out, but I need to listen to this to regain what I can of my hopes and future. I hate you Shizu-chan, I want to harm you and kill you-_

 

"Are you listening? God damn soulmates being-" Igarashi tried butting in and quailed at the glare Shizuo gave him. "Lemme finish and then lemme go please. This run down is the last thing I know, I swear!". He blubbered and continued hurriedly.

 

"The Kanbu, the higher up executives of the group, is composed of family friends and senior gang members. They're entrusted with the more important criminal operations and heading the minor gangs. Shiki, my executive not-boss, is one of the top ones, along with the two "Devils": Mizuki Akabayashi the "Red Devil", and Shu Aozaki the "Blue Devil". They're both rivals and cause the other higher-ups lots of trouble with their bickering. There are several others, but I don't know their names as they keep to themselves and lead entirely different section of Tokyo. Don't kill me for not knowing. I'm only part of the Ikkebukuro and Shinjuku wards group, so I'm kept blind to what they do. The anonymity is an extra measure to protect us from the cops and the law. Down a rung are the lesser executives, Takaaki Kazamoto and Kine, who you've met Izaya, are the only ones within my jurisdiction that I answer to. I don't know any others for the same reason I don't know anything about the other higher-ups." He stopped to gather breath, and Izaya immediately cut into Shizuo thoughts harshly.

_Ok, I've heard enough. Either knock him out, or kill him Shizu-chan. It doesn't really matter to me; Igarashi is just useless vermin now. I'm getting wobbly, can't... m' trying hard to stay up, please hurry._ The flea feebly petered out and almost keeled over, only keeping himself upright by latching on Shizuo and leaning against him as if his life depended on it. Which it did.

 

 _Izaya! Don't- Shit! I'm going to get us out of here NOW_. Shizuo thought drastically, his own conscious dimming as Izaya's bad condition began to weigh him down as well.

 

Quickly walking over to Igarashi, who had stared at them with his mouth slack and eyes wide open since Izaya had fallen, Shizuo poked him out cold before he could recover and utter a single word. He didn't bother killing him as he didn't have any more time or care to waste on what happened to him, since most of his attention was now focused solely on Izaya and his survival.

 

Shaking his head to stop himself from meandering any further, he gently grabbed Izaya and ran dazedly out of the room.

 

 _Shizu-chan is being more careful with me than I ever thought he would be. Am I some sort of precious package to you ne? Your personal, portable, life support, as you'll black out with me if we don't get to a hospital soon. You’re just hurting me again on purpose the same as before, you unfeeling brute. I want to kill you- no, I remembered that I want to see you on my level. I'm going to manipulate you into hurting your family and Kasuka._ The flea rambled mentally, barely making any sense to Shizuo with his threats.

 

Stopping himself from snapping back that Izaya was the unfeeling brute, Shizuo paused his thoughts and pondered his true feelings as they blundered through the halls of the warehouse to the front entrance.

 

Why wasn't he _angry_? Enough so to take action and either punch the flea out, or even kill him for his intentions of harming his family. His own death be damned, he wasn't going to let the psycho flea lay a single finger on them. But he had promised to give him a chance, and they were both at the end of their rope and perilously close to whiting out. Maybe it was just seriously affecting their thinking, and he should just-

 

 _No need to kill me Shizuo, I'm just a fellow monster after all. Know that I will always be sure of what we really are: Non human freaks! Therefore you never have to hide your true self around me. You're just a worse monster than I am, because of your strength and particular inhumanity. Oh! We should always be this way. It's so much fun!  My life was so peaceful before you came into it and messed it up like a hurricane-earthquake combination. So much so that I don't know how I had a life before meeting you._ The flea giggled loudly, both mentally and physically, as Shizuo made it around the final corner and almost collapsed. However he managed to pick himself up, and stumble on towards the main door. Izaya whistled when he saw all the unconscious bodies from his earlier fight, and his inner cacophony of accusing Shizuo of being a worse monster grew.

 

Shizuo pushed down his flagging fury even further, his reflection on the train called for it.  Then, doubting himself in in the face of Izaya's hatred, he mustered the mental strength to answer his soulmate.

 

 _I'm sorry I got distracted from my conclusion Izaya. I need to apologize to you properly and give you a chance. It must've got lost in all the chaos of storming this place and fighting Igarashi. I'll try to never let that happen again. I've messed up, and harmed you enough. So here it is flea, I’m sorry for everything I've put you through the last 3 days. I'm a bastard for doing it, though you're not the most pure of soulmates as well. You've done a lot of fucked up shit to me yourself in the past month and I expect an apology for myself, now that I've said sorry to you. Apart from that...You're so precious and unique that I can't help but be careful with you. I've never met anyone like you, or even conceived of such a person existing. And you...you feel the same about me. That's nice that- someone like ME!? Wait a goddamn second- I don't deserve that_. Shizuo thought back abrasively, with a shiver, as he felt a pang of some emotion that he couldn't describe at all or give name to. It was so enrapturing, that Izaya's bond trauma caught up to him and he stumbled and forced himself back against the side of the warehouse to avoid dropping his soulmate. The abruptness of it also made him slide down into a half lying, half sitting pattern. It left Izaya splayed across his lap with his limbs all over the place, but he didn't seem to mind. 

Cradling him in his arms, Shizuo watched Izaya react to the strange feeling (Shizuo wasn't even sure if he liked it, it made him feel oddly dirty) that he had just had on his end of the bond. He was blinking in confusion and his cheeks were warming to a light blush, his mind completely and utterly consumed by the current that had just gone through their bond. The expression made the flea look cute and his facial features were even more accentuated in this direction when he suddenly frowned minutely, only for it to come across as a pout.

 

Well the flea was good looking- handsome, Shizuo supposed to himself.

 

This dreamy like wandering was enough to finally make Izaya react.

 

 _Don't get all romantic on me Shizu-chan, especially by offering empty platitudes. Everything feels so sluggish and strange. I can't comprehend what we're going through. I'm not gonna apologize to you, you don't know- We need to get the fuck outta here, I don't want to die. But you don't know where a hospital is and I just need to sleep and it’s so comfortable lying here. Shizu-chan has a comfortable lap..._ Izaya slurred.

 

 _It doesn't seem so important, so let's stay here Izaya... I just wanna look at you; you look really cute at the moment. Shizuo laughed heartily, half panicked but also half teasing in his tone. I'm not attracted to you, but I no longer hate you Izaya. I don't have the capacity for that anymore. I hope my apology is enough, though if you keep threatening my family I'll pound you into bits. I don't care that we'll share the pain of me beating the crap outta you. You are my soulmate, but I've only just met you and my family is more important._ He replied fuzzily, forehead creasing as he realized that what they were doing was incredibly fucking stupid.

 

 _We need to get outta here, fucking NOW! What the heck are we doing?_ He added numbly and tried to get up. Shizuo succeeded in lifting himself up to his haunches, before collapsing and falling backwards into the dirt. He was actually feeling properly weak and in pain, something he hadn't  experienced for ages as the healing factor of his strength usually kicked in to stop him from getting injured or even tiring out at all. Something was wrong, if even he...

 

 _At least you can fumble around; I'm barely strong enough to keep arguing with you. Why don't you just lie back and accept it? You've failed me, failed us. Though it was partly my own fucking fault for waiting around for Igarashi's stupid info. Your soft concern is making me feel strange, as though I have to say something before it's too late..._ The flea rambled again, their bond warping around the words as Izaya became flushed at what he was thinking.

 

 _It's ok Izaya. Don't stress yourself in your attempt to show off your own humanity._ Shizuo deadpanned seriously, feinting on whether he was joking.

_Shizuo! Are you being serious or are you just kidding with me? Don't joke when I'm so freaking scared. I'd punch you now if I could, you brute. Although, you're so innocent...the things I could do with that would be so interesting to explore._ Izaya responded in a similar manner. Although there was some panic in his thoughts, Shizuo knew he was just being humorous in attempt to ease the situation. Then the flea suddenly became mischievous, his eyes shining with their usual trickster-like quality.

 

 _Izaya what are you doing?_ Shizuo began, only to recoil when his mind was overcome by images of men doing lewd things to each other. Then it abruptly changed to Izaya, doing _something_ to his ass and moaning his name loudly. As quick as they had come, they vanished, leaving Shizuo a crimson mess and Izaya laughing as hard as he could manage into the clean sleeve of his jacket.

 

 _Stop it please flea, please! Seriously, what the actual fuck is wrong with you? Thinking fucked up sexual things when you're about to become unconscious. It's disgusting_. He rambled, his brain turning to mush with what he had just seen.

 

 _Shizu-chan- Shizu-chan doesn't know how sex between two men works! Wow! You are so stupidly innocent. Maybe instead of ruining your life, I should just mess with you like this for the rest of our lives ne._ Izaya thought lightly, still cackling crazily at Shizuo's reaction.

 

Then he abruptly stopped as their bond began to flicker, his face becoming gaunt with shock at its turn. He was confused as all hell as well, thinking that now they were back together, the pain would stop.

 

That's when Shizuo realized why everything was so _wrong_. Their bond was too strong, way too strong, as Shinra had told him earlier. Like a power overload, it was becoming too much for them to deal with in their weakened state. It was all because of the reconnection, he was sure. The bond was trying to make up for lost time, and had thus accentuated their volatile feelings in a tense situation.

 

 _Izaya, shh shh. It's going to be ok, everything is. You don't have to bear the pain alone anymore, from loneliness or bond trauma, Ok? And About what you were thinking earlier..._ He managed to stutter in an attempt to distract his panicking soulmate, as the edges of his vision began to go grey.

_Shizu-chan, why are you comforting me like this? We hate eachother, we must. And about my thinking, I'm still not sure if I want to apolo-_ Izaya began, only to be cut off by a noise.

 

A horse whinny echoed from around the corner, accompanied by the sheer screech of a motorcycle turning into the cul-de-sac the warehouse was in.

 

It was the single two most beautiful sounds Shizuo had ever heard.

 

"Celty, over here! Hurry! Izaya is injured and our bond is going haywire!" He yelled loudly, regretting that he hadn't said it softer when Izaya flinched at the abrupt change in volume from their mental conversation.

_Sorry about that flea, but Celty is here now! We're gonna be ok, all right?_

 

_Yes Shizuo, thanks for stating the obvious. But what about-_

_Later flea._ He sent back as Celty pulled in and immediately headed in their direction, her body language betraying the relief she had at seeing them alive.

 

[Finally, I was looking for you all over the place and something made me come here! Shinra and your parents are beside themselves. I've worked out the nearest hospital and Shinra alerted it to prepare its bond suite. All the hospitals in Ikkebukuro, Shibuya, and Shinjuku are out on alert for you! With the rest in Tokyo in tentative, if you showed up there instead. Your bond and Shizuo's rampage are all over the news!] Celty showed him her phone as she picked them both up with her shadows and fixed up a wincing Izaya's hand wound with a black splinter.

 

"What!? Why am I on the news? Are my parents and Kasuka ok?" Shizuo bombarded her with questions as she settled them both in a motorcycle side car next to her. They then sped off. Her arrival was both a blessing and a curse. The former for briefly stabilizing their condition and allowing him to stay conscious for a while longer, and the latter for the bad news she had for them.

 

[Shizuo, when your bond was seemingly confirmed by your parents and Shinra after they lodged an appeal with the bond registry, granted with probable evidence given by Raira, all the news broadcasters started spamming them with calls and notices for interviews and reports. Shinra said he had no idea how rare bonds were in Japan and added that he would've warned you if he had any inkling.] Celty replied after quickly typing.

 

" _So Shizu-chan and I are celebrities now? How Kawaii! Maybe we can get a reality TV series deal or something and make tons of money, then hopefully we'll become famous enough to constantly be stalked and bothered by depressed teenagers and the media. How's that sound Shizu-chan? You could finally buy your bratty brother a chance in the industry_ ". Izaya snarked sarcastically, though Shizuo could sense his inner dread and worry at what the Awakusu-Kai would do to them in revenge if they were widely known.

 

[The bond registry and some scientists are still waiting for it to be fully confirmed. They are apparently very picky about bond authenticity or something like that, Shinra told me. But the news companies have jumped on it because of Shizuo's rampage. Apparently the government was thinking of suing you over the train you punched open, but might back down if a bond was a factor in your rampage. Apparently its grounds for medical exemption, something that only they have.] Celty showed them, after they had done several sharp swerves through deep traffic.

 

"The actual fuck…Seriously? God dammit what have I done? I didn't mean to destroy anything, but Izaya was in pain and in danger, and I couldn't help but give in to my rage because of it. I need to go to anger management classes to get my life back on track and stop rampaging. Now that I'm not the only one being subjected to my anger, I need to be more careful and calm for Izaya. It's going to be tough since I just happened to bond with the cause of all my annoyances and by proxy, my destructive behaviour". Shizuo babbled worriedly, for once feeling sad rather than angry at learning the consequences of his actions.

 

Unfortunately, Celty couldn’t answer him as her phone beeped with a text, probably from Shinra, and she bobbed her head in apology as she went to answer it. She didn't even bother manoeuvring the bike herself at all, trusting shooter to take them to their destination. Shizuo sighed exasperatedly and leaned back, feeling abandoned.

_Shizu-chan, stop blaming yourself for everything. Your making my head hurt even more than it already is. I can't believe today, I've lost everything...my immortality via Valhalla being the biggest loss. Don't worry, I’_ _ll explain what that is to you when we're properly alone and I'm rested, though it might make your caveman brain explode with the concepts of Valkyries and the supernatural. I can do that at least, lest your incessant wandering about it and insulting of me for daring to believe in it makes me commit suicide to avoid hearing it. Still, your strength and our bond is the poster child for the impossible and downright bizarre. It makes me feel fucking sick, becoming a monster like you, because of you. Though you apologized and seem sincere... I don't know what's real anymore, or what to do. Bah forget it, I still want to kill you and can't think straight when I'm so tired and wrecked. Though, something is make me wander into sick thoughts...Depending on your concern, I wonder what intimacy between us would feel like if we ever stoop low enough to explore such a torrid path. If we're forced to be together as soulmates then can we feel..._ His soulmates speedily relayed to him, stopping his thoughts abruptly when he veered too far into the gist of an idea that made his face sickly pale with nausea and Shizuo’s toes curl with something that was part disgust and anticipation. However, he pushed it down and tried to ignore it, as soon their temporary reprieve from unconsciousness from Celty stabilizing them would run out.

 

 _Izaya, as I said earlier, we can talk about this later on. Just calm the fuck down and relax, we'll be at a hospital soon and our bond will be treated properly by doctors and nurses. Don't let your thoughts wander to that sick fucking possibility again. Goddamn it. I know that I need to give you a chance as promised, but I'm not surprised that a flea like you is already being such a pain in the ass even as he's about to white out. Oh I know, I'm gonna be an emotional bin for you to abuse as you see fit. Oh joy._ Shizuo replied mentally with what comfort he still had left. Even so, his true, bitter thoughts about his bond peeked through slightly. He sighed again and steeled himself for whatever Izaya would throw back at him to refute his grumbling.

 

To his surprise, Izaya remained silent for a few moments and blinked rapidly out of disbelief and confusion. Then he abruptly turned away to hide his expression from Shizuo, though he could garner that his soulmate was contemplating something tremendous.

 

Izaya was challenging himself, with some great dilemma that he wouldn't normally consider in his usual state of mind. His tiredness and imminent unconsciousness were getting to him. Shizuo didn't sense anything specific, as Izaya deliberately thought quickly to confuse him and stop him from getting the point. The only thing Shizuo was certain of was that the flea was taking his feelings into account, that he was actually part of Izaya’s internal processes for once.

 

 _Shizuo, I don't want that- for our bond to be so uncomfortable and claustrophobic for you. As it means it'll affect me as well as you. In the bond suite, we’_ _ll have a proper big discussion and mull over everything. I, as a fellow monster and your "soulmate"-._ Izaya internally cringed at this and bile rose in his throat, but he made an effort to declare his feelings in the face of the inevitable fact that he had to spend the rest of his life with Shizuo _. I need to at least talk this out with you. Using you and ruining you can come later...That means that I'll put up with you peacefully for now, at least until we have our talk. I'm about to white out, but peace?_ The flea tapered off, forcing out the last words as his eyes began drooping.

 

 _Peace then. For now._ _Izaya, if you’re lying to me_ -

 

They both went in the same moment.

 

 The last thing Shizuo saw was Celty staring panicked at him and the speed of the motorcycle picking up immensely as they veered towards a large crowd in front of a grey building. 

 

Then, nothing.

 

* * *

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to end on the note of reminding everyone that Shizuo and Izaya are only teenagers, and horny ones at that...as most teenagers are.


	14. XIV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes! It's an update! An actual freaking update! And this chapter will make people angry because I has to split it into two halves to avoid having a huge 10k+ update on my hands! Last five months have been very busy, with work and studying taking up most of my time.
> 
> Please leave a kudos or comment, it helps!

 

* * *

There's no reason to love any one person completely and selflessly; despite bonds, or even your common, feeble emotions telling you otherwise. Ignore those sensations. They are just nonsensical chemical reactions originating from your brain, ones that are desperately trying to get you to give into the want. Selfish desire is all that matters. Selfless love doesn't exist. This is genuine advice from someone who wants you to stop wasting your time.

I've managed to do it, since a recent event taught me that the best way to love is selfish omni-benevolence. Before I was unsure, but now nothing is going to stop me from loving that way, and only that way, from this moment on.

Yes, I love all of humanity. Everyone in existence, regardless of wealth or origin. It's a pure, wholesome love. No one can hurt me emotionally, and there are no risks involved. Therefore I am both sane and secure, in a perfect little world of my making. Oh, and I'm happy! Very, very happy!

Thank you, dear readers, for bothering to read my bullshit. You've wasted precious seconds of your life doing so. I didn't waste any time writing this. Have fun~!

-From a removed post from a mid-2002 livejournal blog that many teenagers frequented after school. Marked for spam "for not adding to the current discussion". By anonymous, username Kanra.

 

"Now you have nothing to fear until the end. Follow your selfish desires. Follow your natural instinct. After all, it's easier than being alone."

-A message found scrawled on the wall of a Chicago subway terminal. Believed to be about bonds. Unknown Author.

* * *

The old man woke with a start. Blinking rapidly, he discovered that the world was all woozy.

The white walls of their room were pulsating with a too-bright whiteness, and it didn't seem to have a ceiling. In addition, his bed felt like light air. It made him think that he could fall through it at any moment. Looking down, he saw that it was also eerily transparent, and quickly averted his eyes.

It was as if he were in a good dream gone bad, one too surreal to be a proper nightmare.

Except he wasn't asleep. He was sure of it.This had been his reality for years, ever since that terrible moment when he had bonded with the beast and become a monster himself.

His association with Shizuo had destroyed any possible chance of him having a career with the Yakuza, especially when he'd messed with Igarashi and made them targets of the Awakusu-Kai's fury.

They'd almost been killed while running away, forcing them to go into witness protection.

This had culminated in them being sent to a small, rural village in the mountains, to languish away the rest of their days in isolated safety.

Witness protection was boring. So boring in fact, that he had long ago accepted that he would rather be dead. Unfortunately, his cowardliness, coupled with Shizuo's stubbornness, had made that an impossibility.

As for his room...

No, all the strangeness in it was just a sign of his ever diminishing sanity. His age must have finally started deteriorating his mental capabilities.

The beast (not his "soulmate"; never, in that earthly hell) was just beginning to rouse in his own bed across the room, since his loud thinking had disturbed him.

They still hated each other, and had thus wallowed in misery most of their lives. Ever since he had-the protozoan had ruined everything, their whole bond had gone wrong.

Romance had been a sick joke to both of them. So they had instead aimed for being platonic friends. That idea had eventually petered out into a slightly lesser comedic notion. In comparison, it was a pathetic guffaw than the insane laugh that love would've been.

They had tried everything they could think of to fix their relationship, and their bond; from counselling, to using an intermediary to avoid speaking face to face, to sending eachother letters and emails for a cheaper plan. All had failed.

Time had turned them into bitter, smelly, old men. Too tired and aged to do anything but snark at eachother weakly and wet themselves if the nurse did not come on time. The nurse was a free one, a government employee. It was the only benefit their bond gave them, he thought.

Strangely, he had also forgotten what she looked like...

Oh, Shizuo was now fully awake. It was time to suffer his presence again. By far his least favourite part of the day. The beast gave him a death glare at this comment, accompanied by his face inching into a horrible scowl.

Shizuo had long ago lost his strength, making his body revert back to a pitiful state that it hadn't been in since his childhood; freely breaking bones if he exerted it in any way. He himself had only scathingly agreed to look after him, because of the horrific pain they'd both shared.

Waves of hatred spun around him-around them both, as his other half assaulted his mind with sensations of pain and nausea. He didn't say anything, just kept glaring and sending feeling-feeling, feelings.

A Tokyo subway entrance loomed before him, and it was raining...

Then the horrifying pain began. His bones suddenly shattered, and heart seized up, as Shizuo began convulsing. His face stayed eerily frozen in intense hatred, not showing any of the pain they were both feeling.

His hated soulmate was dreaming about something much different from he was; of the time he'd tried to throw a fridge at his little brother.

Shizuo was so little. Barely eleven years old, and breaking all of his bones trying to hoist the heavy thing. Poor boy.

He had to comfort him. But try as he might, he couldn't, because of the pain-

What? But they were old men- Now he was screaming-

He had to comfort him, his bond demanded. He had to.

Shizuo was dying!? Their bond was-

It was the worst pain he had ever felt, even worse than the severing. Their bond was fading, vanishing completely into nothingness.

He began screaming as their shared connection began to fade and their bedroom became warped.

His vision went grey, then white, then bright.

Were they ascending to heaven, or Valhalla, or-

* * *

Izaya bolted up in bed, hyperventilating in horror.

Sweating buckets, he felt his body to assure himself that he was real- this reality was real, and that he'd only had a terrible nightmare. Noticing an annoying sensation from his right side, he saw that his arm was forcibly raised in some kind of sling. Immediately realising that it was a medical aid, he stopped trying to force his limb out of it and only used his left.

Then the pain returned and tore through his selfish, sleepy self, dragging him to semi-alertness. Blinking groggily, Izayadirected his gaze to the source of it.

Several people were fussing around a bed a few meters away from him, trying to hold down a flailing Shizuo Heiwajima. He was sending out panicked signals through their bond, very afraid and hurt over something he'd done; probably still stuck in his own sleeping hell of trying to throw a fridge at his brother.

Still weak, and his vision reeling and wavering, Izaya got out of bed and began trying to calm Shizuo; doing it more out of a sense of wanting to get back to sleep and recover, than anything selfless. Like he actually cared for him.

Expecting to only make it a few steps because of the sling, it surprised him when someone unhooked it and helped him move by keeping it close.

 _Quieten the fuck down, you knucklehead. I want to sleep more. I think they drugged us to make us pliant enough to bearound eachother._ Izaya slurred as he stumbled over to Shizuo's bed. The people, dressed in white coats like Shinra did when he pretended to be a doctor, didn't stop him and stood back as if what he was doing was completely natural. The only one who stayed was the person who carried his sling.

Was co-dependency a thing in bonds?

"Izaya, what the fuck? Stop being so loud, so Izaya-like...", Shizuo rasped weakly, finally awake. He was feverishly clammy, and collapsed back in bed after making the effort to speak.

 _Speak mentally so you don't air your freaky concerns out loud, you dolt. You were having a nightmare and woke me up. We need to get better by sleeping, Shizu-chan. If your protozoan brain can comprehend that._ Izaya managed and slumped by the bed, too shattered and tired to go on. The doctors finally helped him up by putting him into a...cot that they must've had on hand. His arm was also re-elevated and locked into place again by another person. He was now closer to Shizuo than he was comfortable with, and it freaked him out-

 _Ok, ok, ok. God. But only if you do the same and stop fucking ranting and being annoyed at everything. It's keeping m'-us awake._ The protozoan dirged mentally as he abruptly blacked out again. His tiredness dragged Izaya back down into sleep.

They did wake up several more times after that, each time as hazy as the last. Both of them just mutually shifted in their respective sleeping arrangements and tried to get back to sleep, their bond directing them together for the best result. Izaya noticed that he could only shift around to the right, and couldn't lie on his stomach, since his hand was still connected and elevated on its stand. However, he was too out of it to complain about his uncomfortable status. Neither of them, thankfully, dreamed again.

+++

The next time Izaya woke up, everything was much clearer. The only caveat was that It still took him a while to fully open his eyes without almost falling back asleep.

When he did, the first thing he saw was a plain, white ceiling, with early morning light streaming across it.

The light was coming from a small, grubby window with animal print curtains at the far end of the room. It was also shut, accounting for why he had woken up so many times that night since he usually slumbered with the window open.

He couldn't tell how much time had passed since they'd been admitted to the hospital, so he tried looking around for any evidence to help figure it out. The first thing he noticed was that no one, very oddly, was in the room with them. He'd thought that since Shizuo was such a beast, the hospital would post an entire swat with them in case he went on a rampage.

Finally spotting a clock on the opposite wall of his low-lying cot, he narrowed his eyes to try to read it. The little hand was slightly over halfway between the clock's lower right numbers, and the big hand was right next to the number that meant three-quarters of an hour. While the smallest hand was ticking and moving...clockwise.

Flopping back to stop his eyes from continuing to follow it, he decided that he was still too tired and out of sorts to bother to decipher what particular time it was. So he went for "really early for Izaya Orihara", and resolved to go back to sleep. He would need the energy anyway, since he would have to later deal with the troublesome lump that was ShizuoHeiwajima.

Groaning, Izaya shifted to the left to make himself comfortable, and was promptly greeted by the sight of a big, stocky arm reaching out towards him. Almost shrieking, he clamped his mouth shut and rolled away from it, deliberately keeping his thoughts quiet in the hopes that the possessor of the arm wouldn't wake up.

Having escaped his unconscious embrace, he saw Shizuo frown as he withdrew and cradled his head; releasing a small puddle of drool from his mouth as he closed it. This made Izaya shut his own mouth firmly and begin breathing through his nose to stop himself from laughing at how cute Shizuo looked in that moment.

 _He really is a big baby. Aww. If he's such a baby, can he really be a monster? Wait! That means he is a monster baby! That's it!_ Izaya allowed himself a muffled giggle at his small joke at Shizuo's expense. However he stopped cold when he saw Shizuo's eyes flutter, accompanied by a quiet snuffle, at the intrusion in his mind. _That makes him even more adorable...Wait, I need to think quiet, simple thoughts to keep him from waking up._ He realised, hurriedly focusing all his efforts on keeping Shizuo asleep since he didn't want to deal with him. It was far too peaceful and serene for him to suffer his soulmates beastly attitude just yet.

 _That's right Shizu-chan, stay asleep._ Izaya thought to Shizuo, sending him relaxing waves and sensations so that he wouldn't wake up. Finally, Shizuo turned over and emitted a snore as his sleep became heavier at the coaxing.

Allowing himself a shallow breath at his victory, he cautiously inched closer to the beast. His mind grew weary as he moved, Shizuo's heavier mind threatening to drag him down back into oblivion-

He couldn't let that happen. He had to do his best to hold his thoughts back without risking Shizuo awakening again.

 _Ok, now that I'm finally alone, what do I need to discuss with Shizu-chan when we finally have our talk? For one, I need to convince him that me joining the Yakuza is a nonnegotiable thing. Particularly since I've been wanting it for so long, and because it's almost within reach...so what must I do to convince him? Since we're both monsters, can we really be diplomatic about this? We both hate eachother, so maybe we'll just end up fighting one another anyway if it's such a big deal breaker. Maybe I can manipulate his innocent mind again and use his volatile emotions against him. I was already thinking of doing something like that, to try to control him in the future. Shizu-chan is so malleable, like wet clay. It should be easy._ Izaya thought frantically, becoming flustered at the prospect of finally having the talk he had promised his soulmate.

 _I should really be getting more sleep. So I can function better during the day, and put up with Shizu-chan without killing myself...Calm down Izaya. It's only a mindless beast you're getting worried over and it-, he isn't worth it. No. I don't want our bond to be like the one I had in my dream! I'm sick and tired of being in pain. Whether it be mental, physical, or otherwise! And I do not want him to feel pain like that either-for my own sake, not his. Therefore, if Shizu-chan has feelings and a sane mind as a monster, then so do I! I'm Izaya freaking Orihara, I'm not an ingrate monster, I'M ME!_ He decided heatedly, yelling out in his mind the stunning fact that he was a human and definitely not a monster. It didn't escape him that he wouldn't ever think that if he was more composed and in normal state of mind, and not in the strange fugue caused by feeling Shizuo's sleeping mind or whatever drugs the hospital had given him.

 _Wait...nononononono- he- we're both the same then. But-_ he spluttered and reeled from the thought, summarily banishing it to the farthermost corner of his mind he could find when he felt the beast beside him begin to stir.

 _Izaya, what the fuck? I thought I told you to be quiet and let me sleep. It's too early for this. What time is it?_ Shizuo'squestioning burst into his head suddenly, but much welcomed. He must've woken him up with his tirade-his thinking.

Shizuo flopped in his hospital bed and narrowed his eyes at him fuzzily, mind still blurry from having just woken up. It made Izaya have to stifle another stutter of laughter, this time at the mundanity of it all.

"Are you trying to pull something? Why won't you tell me the time? Stop laughing at me flea". Shizuo garbled softly, as if his mouth was full of fluff. He didn't bother to speak mentally as he assumed they were alone in the bond suite.

"It's sometime between the five and six, closer to the latter than the former...Shizu-chan, it's almost 6 am". He answered, after taking another shaky look at the clock on the wall; now more able to read it than before, since that his other half was awake. Taking another look around, he noticed that the room was also a lot more shabbier than he'd originally thought. The walls were cracked and peeling in many places, particularly near the corners, and all the furniture in the room, even Shizuo's bed and his cot, had the marked look of poor quality second-hand pieces.

Shizuo swore softly at this news and curled in on himself slightly; knotting his already marred hair even further. He was internally debating on whether or not to get up, and how to treat Izaya that morning without somehow making it awkward...

Oh. Izaya blanked, completely confused on how to respond to Shizuo casually.

Shizuo flinched slightly, as if he'd been stung by Izaya's feeble response, and rolled over to glare at him angrily.

 _It's too fucking early for this. We'll deal with that later flea....I mean during our talk when we're less drugged and tired, and thus more able to function normally. In the meantime, can't you try to think less complicatedly? It's making my brain hurt, the way you analyse and view everything in your special flea way._ Shizuo replied to Izaya quietly. Then a new thought came into his head and he began speculating something softly, too lowly for Izaya to tell what it was. It made him look at him with gently slitted eyes, like he was sizing him for something.

Shizuo suddenly blushed and snickered to himself, thoughts spiralling off into embarrassment and semi-disgust at his idea. He was blaming the bond for whatever urge he was getting, to get closer to his soulmate without-

 _Shizu-chan, seriously? I don't want to be near to you any longer than I have to. I still hate you, and-Oh!? This is- this is like comfort._ Izaya realised, as he felt a wave of longing to be closer to Shizuo come over him. It reduced him to his base instincts-like he was some animal seeking comfort from another. He also felt strangely ashamed, since he had forgotten about the one good part of his bond.

 _No, I shouldn't use Shizu-chan as an emotional bin. I agreed to that at least. Though, I need- Shizu-chan, is this part of the bond reconnection? This sick want?_ Izaya asked plainly, as he keenly felt his stomach flip at the warring feelings of hatred and desire they both shared.

 _Yes it is flea. My parents told me that bond connecting is a turbulent, sensitive, time. Your body wants you to be close to your bonded to make sure that they are real and not absent-it's just some emotional spiel bullshit. Don't worry. Unlike yesterday, I want to avoid getting close to you if I can. Your stink would probably drive me insane if I tried to anyway. Also I shouldn't do it, since your hand is elevated and all..._ Shizuo replied evenly and wrinkled his nose, trying to assure him that he felt the same way.

At the mention of parents, Izaya felt a brief pang of some ancient hurt he'd thought he had long ago buried under layers of emotional concrete. Fortunately, with a huffing breath and a pointed look at Shizuo (who'd been staring at him with a half worried expression), he managed to banish the old concerns and focus on the present.

However, rather not so fortunately, the feeling made him want to yield to the comforting urge more than ever. Especially as he realised that he hadn't ever had a constant presence like the one the bond had forced on him. Even if it was Shizuo, it was still someone rather than no-one.

The invocation came with a surge of both negative and positive feelings. All unnamable and unmentionable ones that shook him to his very core and made him want to run out of the bland room and far away from Shizuo. It was a similar want to the one that had coursed through him in the warehouse the day before, when he'd first sighted the beast after three days of isolation from him. If he only could, but he was trapped in a cage with the object of all his frustrations...

It made him go into a fraught vacancy. His eyes took on a hollow expression when it hit him that he was both trapped and pinned down in the bond suite, like a science experiment in a laboratory. The situation was something he swore to himself that he wouldn't ever go through, being one of his number one rules that he'd not every wanted to break. Except in his head it had always been the impossibility of prison or juvenile detention- never a bond suite with the company of someone he reviled. The possibility of actually being caught one day in anything, either a bond or a normal arrest, hadn't ever really crossed his mind due to his pride assuring him that he was capable enough to escape whatever such troubles life threw at him.

He'd been wrong-he was wrong. Completely and utterly. Something else for him to despair over as well, was he wrong about everything!? Again, what has he done to deserve this? Punishment for him causing suicides, merely making people jump by exposing them to their own weakness and pushing it on them? Or was it his involvement with criminal elements, the Yakuza-

THE YAKUZA!! They were sitting ducks here, especially him with his hand, and had to get out. Had to! _Shizu-chan-_

Izaya yelped when he heard a taught intake of air and was abruptly lifted up and taken into a warm embrace by a familiar pair of muscular arms, not too far as was obvious the hugger didn't want to risk moving his right arm from its precarious position too much. The gesture was followed by a tired echo of comfort as Shizuo plastered his mind against his.

 _Calm down Izaya. God you're such a drama queen...I was hoping to avoid doing this, then you just began silently panicking despite me telling you to quieten it down. This should help, my mom told me that close contact with my dad always relaxes her when she's stressed. I guess there's no chance of us going back to sleep now, huh._ Shizuo rambled evenly, making an effort to get Izaya to relax.

 _Sleep? How can you worry about such a banal thing at a time like this? Shizu-chan, the Yakuza will try to kill us both-_ Izaya snapped back, split between moving out of the monsters toxic grip or staying, because it was calming him down.

 _Over a fucking joke like Igarashi? Izaya, we didn't even do anything to harm any of their operations. Wasn't the idiot trying to pathetically usurp his higher ups? They should actually be thanking us for making him scamp._ Shizuo said back and shushed him.

It worked in stopping Izaya from worrying for all of five seconds, then he remembered some details of the bust itself. The one that had gone on before he'd messed up his interview with Igarashi and Shizuo had come storming into the warehouse.

 _Look, you don't understand Shizu-chan._ He began slowly, only to clench his jaw and resolve to continue on more seriously when he saw Shizuo roll his eyes in response and hold him looser to relax the length from his arm stand.

 _I'll explain it all in greater detail later, but you need to understand how the Yakuza recruitment works when it comes to informants. It has very strict, albeit unspoken, guidelines. I had to work very hard to get my chance with Igarashi, and prove to him that I had no prior law enforcement connections at all. Now that I've- we've destroyed my chance the way we did, they're going to come after us now that the police and government are involved in processing our bond. They'll think that we deliberately led them on- Igarashi mentioned a last incident that I'm going to research as soon as we're out of here, even if it was all a big misunderstanding. Also, there is a large gang war going on, Igarashi isn't the only one trying to climb higher up the Awakusu-Kai's ranks by taking advantage of the situation. I am not as aware of what's going on as I should be, that's why I was trying to get in so I could oversee the whole frame of betrayals and whatnot. When I initially arrived, they were getting rid of bodies! That's the level we are dealing with Shizu-chan!_ He finished hysterically, and firmly decided on wheedling out of Shizuo's grasp to flop back into his cot, breathing heavily now that he was finally free.

 _What the fuck? No, not now. Don't worry flea, we'll talk about everything after they've debriefed us and we're alone in this cheap ass room. They'll still be monitoring us but we can speak mentally, under bond law. Actually, during our talk I'll tell you all about bonds and my strength, and you'll tell me about Valhalla and the Yakuza. Deal? I can tell you're interested._ Shizuo asked him readily, giving him a small smile to show that he was being genuine.

_Ok that's all right...wait! I forgot about my hotel room! It has most of my phones, and my m-Anko's wallet, and my bondbooks. I need to-_

_Shh, You can tell the bond doctor or hospital personnel when they eventually come to check on us. For now, we should just be focusing on recovering. Actually, why hasn't someone come in to check on us? Bond suites are meant to be staffed 24/7. Are they really that neglectful..? Anyway, don't be an idiot flea. It doesn't suit you. I thought I was the idiot, the "protozoan"-I didn't even bother researching anything about hospitals or whatever, even when my parents drilled the importance of proper bond care and handling into my head. That's means I'm the idiot, OK? You're going to need to besmart like I know you are, since this hospital is likely to be testing my patience in the coming days. I mean, look at this room- the pitiful excuse of a "bond suite" they've forced us into. It proves that they have bad standards and are full of shit. Do you think the board is more corrupt than the Yakuza? Than even an international criminal agency, if the quality oftheir bond suite is this low? Then again they might just be having problems with funding, due to Yakuza pressure. Maybe we should rescue them? I'm pretty sure I could become a superhero with my strength._ Shizuo joked. His smile became wry as he accompanied it with an image of himself in tight spandex with a red cape, in a suit that mimicked supermans. He even had tights, for gods sake!

Izaya couldn't help but snicker at this sight, his mood brightening, even though it was because of a joke involving the Yakuza. Shizuo laughed along with him and smirked at having succeeded in his goal to make his soulmate feel better.

He- Shizuo did actually care about him? In spite of everything he'd done to him? All the suffering and jeering that he deserved as a monster? That he himself now deserved in return?

 _Maybe I am wrong about something else-, about you. You're so funny, even when you don't need to be-_ Izaya started ashamedly, resolving to do what was right only to be interrupted by the door bursting open at the worst possible moment.

"I'm so sorry for leaving you alone and unobserved. My shift was due to begin at 6am, but the previous doctor was having trouble signing out because someone was trying to sneak in and no one was watching you directly for a few minutes... Forget it- my name is Dr Watari and I'm forgetting my manners around patients it seems, especially bonded ones. It would better if you both got up now rather than later, as it's best for those in a bond to spend some time awake with eachother during reconnection. This is especially important during the first 48 hours of it, and in such a unique case as yours. Also you-, Izaya is it?, need to keep your arm raised for the next twenty four hours. You had to go into surgery immediately after coming in...So stay in your cot until then.". The doctor- Watari said apologetically as he bustled in.

"I also need to debrief you; explain what's going on and how your bond is going to be handled. But first of all, do you want something to eat? Your parents and friend- Shinra, told me that apparently neither of you have eaten since yesterday morning. If there's one thing, just one thing this hospital has above all others, is that it damn well makes sure that the quality of its food is always great. So, to reiterate, do either of you want any breakfast?". He finished punctually, having been precise enough to not give an opening for either of them to talk.

Both he and Shizuo blinked rapidly for a few moments in order to process the intrusion into their formerly quiet sanctum, also attempting to adjust to the fact that their bond was seemingly going to be scrutinised and processed now that they were in a capable hospital. Thankfully, Shizuo managed to get himself together enough to smile at the doctor and tell him that' "of course we'd love some breakfast, please bring in whatever you have on hand", in his "uncaring about choice, tonot harass the people who were so kind to offer it in the first place" way.

This prompted Izaya to quickly butt in before Dr Watari left, so he'd actually get what he wanted for breakfast without Shizuo's random approval.

"Sorry, can you please bring in some grilled tuna if that's possible? Instead of any other grilled fish. And a-, (he'd been just about to say a fried egg mixed with some seasoned chicken and rice, but back down when he received a mental glare from Shizuo and decided on something else) I mean some toast"? He finished with a questioning tilt, inferring that he'd only changed his mind due to his bonded's meddling.

"I'll see what I can do! Please make yourselves comfortable. Today is going to be a long day since we have to register your bond within twenty four hours of your admittance. This is due to this being your second reconnection, according to bond law." Dr Watari stated factually and left, white coat swirling behind him.

Izaya's mood improved at the news of breakfast, only for it to be dampened when he heard Shizuo groan and his mind slump after Dr Watari had fully left the room.

 _What's wrong? I know you were angry at me trying to specifically order breakfast, but that shouldn't be enough for you to into a full-blown fury Shizu-chan. Are you really that angsty?_ he started, surprised that he had a brief spot of concern for his enemy.

 _It's not that. Though you really should be more respectful to the hospital flea. It isn't a five-star hotel, it's a medical institution that's horribly understaffed and underfunded, judging from this bond suite. I should also be more respectful and shouldn't joke about them. Most hospitals have this sort of bond suite, because bonds are so rare. Meaning the standards of their suites are rarely inspected. No, what I'm really angry about is the fact that we might have to go through a full bond exam today and we're both tired and feel like shit...Shit! I'm going to go to the bathroom to cool off and take a shower._ He grumpily swore and got out of bed, swerving slightly but managing to avoid crushing it by barely keeping his strength in check.

Before he entered the small, grimy looking bathroom, he twirled around as he'd realised he'd forgotten to ask Izaya something.

 _You wanna use it after me flea? I'll try to keep some warm water for you if you want to. I'm sure I could carry you in and you could shower if you're careful with your arm. Don't let hospital dictate the rules for you. They are, and always will be, full of shit when it comes to that. Especially with you having some of my strengths vitality._ He added and swallowed, unsure if he should've bothered Izaya by asking at all than letting him decide for himself if he wanted to take a shower or not.

Izaya paused at this seemingly considerate offer, and briefly mulled over it. Deciding on whether or not to accept was a big thing, since it was his first, true domestic situation as a monster. Many would also come after and he wasn't sure if he was ready yet to-

 _If you're going to handle every basic interaction with me as if it's some philosophical debate, then I'm just going to ahead and assume the answer to my question is "yes" and I'll just dump you in a still running shower without any provocation. Please don't have another existential breakdown while I'm in the shower, Izaya._ Shizuo deadpanned and headed inside.

 _Wait!_ Izaya blurted out.

Shizuo turned back to him expectantly, raising an eyebrow in a questioning motion.

 _I uh-, thank you for offering Shizu-chan, but I really think I should heed the doctor's advice. You really need to learn how to trust hospitals again, and stop being afraid of them. Watari is a trained medical professional, and would have me bathed according to procedure, while Shizu-chan is a dumb beast that would certainly break my body if he handled me in a shower._ He joked simply, with no malicious intent.

Weirdly, Shizuo only nodded lightly and closed the bathroom door behind him gently instead of violently. His head was a swarm of warm, concurrent feelings and thoughts that made Izaya's own go soft.

Shizuo was deliriously happy, over the fact that he'd finally had a normal conversation with his hated soulmate. It bewildered Izaya that his beastly companion actually cherished such mundane, everyday things, as if each were an invaluable, apparently irreplaceable, treasure. Maybe monsters remembered each basic interaction with a human, since it reminded them of their own lost humanity.

Izaya snorted at this and focused on sitting up without wobbling, making sure to keep his arm up in place per the doctor's advice. Shizuo was still too busy showering, and it muddled his mind from listening in on his thoughts.

He decided to use the opportunity to inspect the rest of the room, rather than continue to hone in on his bonded in some creepy way. It was an endeavour of boredom, as he abhorred doing nothing.

The room had four walls, a single floor, and about 7 pieces of furniture (Shizuo's bed, his cot, two plain wooden chairs, a small dresser, a bookshelf, and last, and by every means least, a low table with two rather threadbare tatami mats; presumably their eating area while incarcerated). Izaya studied each piece thoroughly, noting their various deformities and flaws. All in all, they were cheap and badly made items, put together in an utterly tasteless arrangement. Ergo, It was the sort of room that he'd be ashamed to be found dead in, by either Shizuo's, or the Yakuza's, whims.

The bookcase had the few points of any interest. It mainly contained books on various academical subjects, mostly bond specific ones-like bond health, but also had a few literature classics. The selection gave Izaya a lot of reading to do to pass the time in the dull cell. He also liked it because since it was guaranteed to annoy Shizu-chan, since so few of the books were the sort that Izaya knew he'd like. There were a few modern novels in the lowest row, but they al looked like romance novels. It meant that Shizuo would have to ask the hospital for his own books, and it would take a while for them to deliver, so Izaya would get to rub it in his face that he had entertainment, while he didn't.

 _This is fantastic! All I have to do is ask for my laptop and phones, and I'll be all set to start working! Being productive is all I have left now, but I'm still bored soooo..._ He mused, deciding to make a second inspection, as there was nothing else to do.

Just as he had finished it, after making the discovery that the bookshelf also had books on bond intimacy, Shizuoemerged from the bathroom. Towelling his hair and smelling clean, he came in shirtless, having forgone it because it stank of sweat. This let Izaya see he was rather muscled, at least in a purely casual way. This was because Shizuo had never worked out at a gym, but instead become physically fit from all the running and fighting he'd done over the years. Evidently, it was also enhanced from all the chases he'd had with Izaya in the past month. Making him imagine that it felt more hard than supple.

Izaya quickly shut his thoughts down before they could stray too far into a direction he was uncomfortable with, and pointedly ignored the odd look Shizuo gave him in response.

Shizuo heeded his silence and let the matter drop, settling for making his bed and sitting cross-legged on top of it to wait for their breakfast. He regarded Izaya with a guarded expression, avoiding meeting his eyes at all.

Izaya inwardly cursed at himself for allowing the awkwardness between them to precipitate. He needed to break the ice again somehow, or their bond would be uncomfortable and unbearable. Like being stuck in an overly warm room without an AC.

That couldn't happen. It would be like yesterday, or the dream he had...No, he'd already suffered by himself when he'd been in the hotel room during their 3 day separation. The bond had, and it had been partly his fault as well for not doing anything to stop it, put him through hell due to its separation condition.

 _Don't think about that, or dwell on the past Izaya. Just don't._ Izaya decided and took a deep breath to clear his lungs. Then he turned away from Shizuo and hid his face in his pillow. Doing so, because he didn't want to face the others remorseful brown eyes.

Already far more relaxed than he had ever been in the past week, he sighed and curled around himself in the rigid comfort of the scruffy hospital blankets. Although it was odd, he felt better at that moment than he'd ever had in his entire life. Shizuo was keeping his end of the bond quiet, being able to sense Izaya's emotions but ensuring that his own did not intrude too loudly during the impassable stalemate. He cherished it for what it was.

 _It's because I'm whole now, having Shizu-chan near. He is my soulmate, and everything that comes with it. I guess._ He thought dazedly, as he randomly flexed his left fingers just to break the monotony of not doing anything in the awkward silence.

 _Huh. Why do I feel so passive about this fact in particular? I must've had too many earth shattering revelations to really care anymore._ He huffed, burying a sarcastic laugh. There's probably more on the way...

 _Izaya..._ Shizuo intruded gently.

The door opening, after a shallow knock, caught their attention and forced their minds apart.

Izaya allowed a snicker at this. Yet another interruption, another sudden postponement of facing his feelings. He was both grateful and mortified. Half of him wanted an endless stay from dealing with his mental troubles, while the other yearned to just get it over with.

Anyway, he was about to get something that made him childishly excited, far more than he should be. Finally his, and more importantly, the beasts growling stomachs would be settled. The noise had been getting annoying, despite him doing his best to ignore it.

Breakfast was served.


	15. XV

Ch 15-XV

You can thank my week long illness and all the downtime it gave me, for this chapter! Plus, Good News Everyone! I got into a Uni I wanted to (college for you Americans)! It's good because It means I get to finally get the degree I need to advance my career, but bad, because it means that in about 7 months, I'll have much less writing time.

Update is also now because I decided to postpone the chapter again before it got too big. What happened was I sat down to write one day, realised I'd thought of a good joke for Shizuo and Izaya to share and decided to write it.

Here the scenario:

Me:lemme just type up this easy 100 word joke!

"Turns into a 2k word long discussion between Shizuo and Izaya that will let me set up some later story moments"

Me:shit.

I also thought that you guys had gone long enough without an update... Blah blah guilty rambling.

In short: nothing much happens this chapter, but Shizuo and Izaya banter a lot and annoy an old man. Which I hope is good enough.

* * *

The hand of the older patient has healed remarkably in the ten hours after surgery. Usually a stab of such magnitudewould cause significant nerve damage and trauma to the bones and skin, but it didn't. In fact, the patient could use his hand far earlier than estimated.

It can only be due to the bond that both patients share, and it is an exceedingly powerful one if such fast healing is taking place. That, or it is the odd strength of the younger patient. I've heard of Shizuo Heiwajima before-he was on the news for having allegedly punched a train a few hours before the second reconnection took place. His abilities are very notorious in that regard. Sadly, he is not what I have a doctorate on, so I cannot focus on him.

Going back to the bond, it will be interesting to see what the results of the Dunn Test will be. The media are already rabid enough at the news of a new bond, as they usually are, but their obsession will treble if they hear about how powerful it could be. Such a state of affairs could save the hospital with the money it could bring. In theory. But no, we must put the sanctity and security of our patients first. It has always been our precedent in bond cases, and always will be.

My old man would accuse me of being too soft if he were alive, and would berate me for it. I've always wanted to prove him wrong...

-Excerpt from an internal report on Izaya Orihara and Shizuo Heiwajima, written 11 hours after their admission. By one Dr R.Watari.

* * *

The food was just as delicious as Dr Watari said it would be, especially the fatty tuna, surprising Izaya.

Tucking into it, he thought it was the best he'd ever tasted. Whether or not it was because he hadn't had it in so long, or merely because of the fact he could finally relax and enjoy a meal without being sick, he didn't care. He just wanted to live for a moment without having to worry about his survival, or his soulmate.

Shizuo was of the same mind- except he was almost shy about their shared breakfast. He also ate most of the toast, frustrating Izaya as he wanted some before it all disappeared down the others gullet.

_Shizu-chan, this isn't a fucking date. Get over yourself. I'd never agree to go on a date with you. Ever. And leave me some toast._ He gently chided, both serious and joking.

_Izaya...I'm-I've just never had a meal with you before. Please don't be sharp. Can't we just enjoy this quiet moment?_ Shizuo genuinely pleaded.

_Fine. But I don't see anything to "enjoy"_. He huffed back, broadcasting the fact he would back down with the jibes, for now.

_Thank you Izaya. But for the record, I don't see this as a date, just a friendly stalemate between two enemies. It's still a meal though, so I have to be polite._ Shizuo replied.

_Likewise beast._ Izaya said back, beating down any cruel remarks he had about Shizuo's politeness...or the nightmare he had.

He shuddered, and tried to bury his attention in his food to stop the memories of both his, and Shizuo's ghastly nightmares from overcoming him. He didn't even want his soulmate to go through any more pain like that.

Shizuo bowed his head and frowned; he was feeling both surprised and disgusted. The surprise was for Izaya, but the disgust came at _himself_.

_Wha-?_ Izaya thought aloud, completely bemused.

_I'm ashamed of myself because I thought you would readily sink down to that level flea, and surprised because you didn't in the end. Izaya...I think-oh fucking hell its a stupid fucking awful idea-Forget it, it's just the drugs in my system._  Shizuo replied, tiredly crisscrossing his thoughts to hide his idea from Izaya.

_Shizu-chan, stop making yourself even more exhausted. I'll just ignore it. Calm down, please._ He assured.

_Thanks. Umm..._ Shizuo trailed off.

_Why don't we discuss something practical? Like- What does a bond exam entail? I don't know anything about it, as I only read up on Bond history and medical conditions while I was hiding in my hotel room._ Izaya said, trying to think of a topic of conversation that would distract them both from their tiredness.

_Ok, I can do that. Basically, Flea, it's the "worst medical exam in the world", according to my father. It's one of the few things he's sarcastic about. He is big on Bond rights and calls it "downright farcical" that new bonds have to be tested in such a way- What I mean is that they're gonna separate us flea, and ask us questions about how we bonded, the power of our mental connection, whether we share dreams, etcetera. This is all for bureaucratic reasons, so they can have us on record and fill out paperwork for the registry. Then they are going to test our physical functions, probably for more medical reasons, and to truly verify our bond. They'll do things like test our pain sharing -though they wouldn't dare actually hurt us-, and ask one of us a question while the other is given the answer. It's all very pedestrian._  Shizuo explained slowly.

Izaya absorbed the information and put it away for later consideration, but honed in on one particular thing. It did not escape his attention that Shizuo had condensed all that he knew into a single, informative, lecture; just the way that he personally liked it, with no unnecessary details or exhaustive telling. His beastly soulmate had actually taken his whims into consideration, despite being very tired and broken down.

It was touching, but he had more important things to focus on. For instance...

_Dreams? Why would they ask us about sharing dreams?_ He inquired, glossing over his feelings.

_Well, Izaya...Sharing dreams is usually a sign of exceptionally intense bonds. Even feeling the others presence in your dreams is a big thing, since it takes most bonded years to develop to that stage. I know my parents don't, as they would make a big deal of it if they did._ Shizuo said softly.

_Well, we've shared dreams on two occasions, Shizu-chan; our nightmares this morning, and the dream we both had the night after we bonded. Is that a sign that our bond is a powerful one due to our intense hatred for eachother?_ Izaya mused, thinking about the day he had bonded and the morning after.

_I think it started out because of that, but remember, I don't hate you anymore Izaya. Severely dislike you, yes, but not outright hate you. As for that day we bonded-_ He began.

_You comforted me. Shizu-chan told me I didn't have to be alone anymore, and that it was going to be all right. What monster does that, huh!? Be considerate and kind- I'm not like that. I have never comforted or been kind to a single person in my entire life. Those are all weak human emotions_ -

_Izaya! Calm down! You're not a fucking monster, and neither am I. We have a lot to do today; the bond exam, our talk, and probably having contact with our families somehow -not face to face as we are recuperating, but still-, and reassure them that we are fine now that we are together. I can't do all of that alone, so I'm gonna need help from my soulmate, ok? You can exercise your martyr complex after we've done all that._ Shizuo said, feeling surprisingly mature.

The irony of the situation did not escape Izaya; that the usually more emotionally unstable Shizuo was being stalwart, while he, the usually more stable one, was being distraught.

_Ok, I'll try._ He said.

_Good_. A curt reply, Shizuo had already had enough of his bullshit it seemed.

_No Flea. I wasn't being- I didn't mean to come across like that. Let's just wait quietly until Dr Watari comes back, so please relax._

_Can you get me a book then? I'll be bored otherwise, and will probably resort to annoying you to escape it._ He asked.

Shizuo sighed, but acquiesced and went over to the shelf to grab a random book, throwing it on Izaya's cot with enough force to rock it.

_Nice choice Shizu-chan! A crappy, second-rate, romance novel! At least it isn't a bonded story, just a horrible period drama, judging from the cover._ Izaya huffed.

_You have your book, so deal with it. It's the "entertainment" you wanted so much._ Shizuo wisecracked. _I heard that bit in the shower._

_Fine, fine. It seems you've pushed my words back on me. Well done._ Izaya retorted and cracked the book open, resolving to at least try it.

Shizuo laughed lightly at his apprehension, but turned away and shut his eyes, focusing more on resting than paying Izaya anymore attention.

Izaya swallowed and began reading.

The room descended into silence.

* * *

Shizuo snickered, Izaya had gotten to his first badly written sex scene.

He'd rested for a bit, not falling asleep, but just relaxing until he felt better. Now he was listening in on his soulmate'sthoughts as he read. Which was good enough "entertainment" all on its own.

The book was apparently very pretentious garbage. Izaya had suffered it for most of the past hour, skipping entire sections if they annoyed him too much. Which accounted for him having reached the first sex scene, after the main couple had confessed their love in front of a "shimmering view of sea and sun at sunset", in record time.

To his credit, out of not wanting their heads to hurt because of the noise, he had managed to restrain himself from making too many loud rants about it; only settling for the occasional one when a character made a particularly bad decision, or if the grammar of the book became absolutely unbearable.

_That isn't how human anatomy works! You can't do that with a leg and...I know Shizu-chan is snooping. I don't want to get too explicit in case I upend your "virginal senses" -as the book calls it-, and give you a nose bleed. That would be too fucking disgusting to deal with._ Izaya joked crudely. Unlike before, the intention behind it was to test the waters of how much he could get away with during their truce.

_Izaya, badly written smut isn't going to make me so aroused that it gives me a nosebleed. I- well I always do anything sexual in private, where I don't have to deal with annoying fleas like you._ He stuttered back, feeling his cheeks blush.

_Aww, how boring. I'm afraid the jokes on Shizu-chan again, as I'm going to have to show up how stupid you are. You watch too much bad anime- arousal doesn't cause nosebleeds Protozoan. If you had a half a brain, you would have realised that long ago._ Izaya continued sniping.

_Flea. Stop. Make another joke about my intellect, or sex in general, and I'll punch your face in._ He snapped.

_Fine, fine. I apologise Shizu-chan. I didn't realise sex was such a sensitive topic for you. Let's not dwell on it anymore, before we get into too much detail about either of our sex lives._ Izaya said lightly, abstaining from inflaming him any further. Deep disgust also echoed across his mind, enough to make Shizuo's own stomach curdle.

_Ok. I agree. But stop thinking about it as well._ Shizuo demanded, thoroughly sick of the discussion.

_Then_ \- Izaya said, shutting the book and putting it by his crib. _You are going to need to entertain me Shizu-chan. Talk to me about something. You've rested up, so you don't need peace and quiet anymore._

_Well. Um. Do you want to talk about school?_ He ventured, unsure of what to talk about now that he actually had to start a conversation with Izaya.

Izaya rolled his eyes.

_Seriously Shizu-chan, that is the most boring topic ever. Come on, you now how much I hate school. Things were going so well; We actually had a normal conversation just this morning, and you've already regressed back into shyness-_. Izaya started sharply, only to stop and take a deep breath before Shizuo could say anything.

_I'm sorry Shizu-chan. I still need to get used to our "truce", and to stop berating you for every little thing. Actually, why don't we talk about school? Tell me about your class._ He asked gently.

_Well, you know Shinra. Oh, and Kadota- though you call him Dotachin. They are both my best, and only, friends. The rest of the class is- well, let's just say we never got along. I've always been a delinquent Izaya, never able to fit in with any one group. Not that I care what they think of me, I even hate the label of "delinquent", but it's because I don't really have anything in common with them. Plus I always seen to antagonise them, or they annoy me. It's primarily because of my strength, but also because of my temper. I get annoyed easily, you know that. With the highest cause being other people's stupidity, or my own. That's why I've always tried to have minimal contact with others, unless they force themselves into my life by being friendly in the first place. It's also why I dyed my hair blonde in middle school, thanks to my one friend at the time -Tom, he's a great guy but I'll tell you about him later-, advising me to use it as a warning signal for others to leave me alone. I never instated my friendships with Shinra and Kadota. Or even Tom. They came to me. I'm thankful as hell that they were willing to make the effort and become friends with a "protozoan" like me._ He rambled, finishing with a fond smile as he recalled his friends.

_Shizu-chan, you- you are just like me in a way. You think you merely don't care about what others think of you, while being indifferent towards them, when in fact it's really because you don't think much of other people at all and even look down on them unless they make the effort to come to you. Sure, you don't have a negative view of humanity as a whole like I do, but you have a strong pre-existing distain for others. Face facts, people annoy you easily because they fail to meet your expectations. You even blame yourself more than necessary for other people's mistakes._ Izaya analysed, voice thin and mind abuzz with clinical interest.

_Izaya. I don't hate other people as much as you do. Shinra- he also told me about how badly the stabbing incident affected your perceptions of other people and relationships. He wants to apologise for it._ Shizuo said easily, but an unsettling unease settled in his mind.

Izaya laughed bitterly.

_Ah Shinra. My "friend"...I'll deal with him later. For now, stop being so evasive Shizu-chan. You don't outright hate humanity, but you don't view it as highly as you think you do. Though you do care about what other people think of you more than I do, which is a good thing. So don't "view the world" as I do, and stop blaming yourself so much. You're a better mons- thing, than you think you are. Yesterday-in fact the last few days, showed me that._ He rattled off, finishing with a frown. A storm was brewing within him again, but it was lazy. He was too tired of having recently gone through an emotional ringer multiple times, to really muster up any feelings of proper devastation.

Shizuo chuckled hoarsely.

_Are we having our talk now? Should I prepare myself for some earth shattering revelations of my own? I don't wanna talk about this now, so let's discuss how I really feel about people later Izaya. I have an idea, we can talk about my soulmate. I can tell you what I really think about him- how I no longer hate him, and what to get to know him better._ He mocked lightly, voice dripping with friendly sarcasm.

_Stop that, and maybe you should prepare yourself._ Izaya snarked back, equally sarcastic.

_Maybe. But you watch it. I might just discover something about myself that you really will find very annoying. Like that I really want to be a superhero after all!_ He sniped back, flashing the same image of him in tights that he had earlier.

_Thank goodness for humour Shizu-chan. Without it, I'd be much more melancholy than I am. If you're going to be a superhero, maybe I could be your partner. Not sidekick. Partner. I could be "parkour man!"_ Izaya said with flourish, flashing an imagine to Shizuo of himself in tight spandex, but without any tights.

_Izaya, that is seriously disturbing. It shows way too much... You would never be a superhero anyway. Instead, you'd be a cowardly villain!_ Shizuo quipped and laughed.

_Of course I would Shizu-chan. Our fights would be cataclysmic! and your fury would end the earth!_ Izaya played along.

_I'd still be bonded to you as well. That means the story would have to end sadly. With both of us dying at the end like all "great" romantic tragedies._ Shizuo huffed, laugh growing deeper.

But the joke hit home and actually made Izaya's stomach flip with hurt. More that the prospect of dying while bonded, coupled with the rather graphic nightmare he'd had the previous night of expiring as an old man, was actually a realistic one now that the Yakuza was after them.

The force of his thoughts hit Shizuo's mind hard, making him gape like a fish for a moment as his mind struggled to catchup to its mistake.

_Like a dumb, lumbering beast that has no idea what it's saying._ Izaya instinctively remarked, taking the quiet moment to push Shizuo away in mental self-defence.

His cheeks burned with shame at his own barb, making him bite his lip and force his gaze away from Shizuo's darkening face. The matter of the fact was that he didn't want to be in the same room with someone he still vaguely hated, though had to stop antagonising because of a truce he had offered. The space between them was just so complicated in its entirety of messed up feelings and shared emotions. They actually had the potential to get along well, their recent camaderie proved that, but the past was preventing that.

_Shit Izaya. I didn't mean it...you know I didn't. I just got carried away with- well with being able to make ordinary jokes with someone who has a similar sense of humour to me. I- fucking hell! I've fucked it up by being selfish myself now. No beating around the freaking bush. I'm sorry Izaya, I shouldn't have joked about death. It's a sensitive subject for you, like sex is a sensitive subject for me._ Shizuo mentally stuttered.

_Thank you for apologising, but I'd rather just forget about it Shizu-chan. Let's just stop talking before one of us fucks up and has to say sorry again._ Izaya stonewalled him, going back to his book and ignoring their mental connection. He really wished that he could block him out completely, dearly missing the solitude of having his own mind.

_Izaya. Don't..._ Shizuo briefly began, then hastily retreated when he felt Izaya put up an image of a literal stone wall.

The room settle back into silence, at least to any onlooker. Mentally, it was a different story; Izaya read the book loudly, word by word, to avoid even feeling Shizuo's presence, while the man himself kept up a nervous, mainly self berating, endless buzz of thoughts.

A few minutes later Dr Watari finally returned, with a frown that only grew deeper when he saw the current status of the room. However, he did not comment on it.

"Sorry that I'm late, I had a rather severe matter to attend to. We can begin in a few minutes if you want. You just have to do the formal test and sign some papers. The examiner will explain it better than I can, all the legal mambo jumbo and such. Aside from that...well I guess if you know about the media attention already, you'd want to know about what happened this morning. So that you can protect eachother as bonded couples do. I just need your consent to tell you. Er, it will be recorded as well, to avoid any potential legal problems". Watari said nervously, not commenting on their silent tension.

"Consent?" Izaya asked, puzzled at the question.

_Ugh. I fucking hate hospitals. So many ass backwards rules and regulations. Let me deal with this flea. They need our "consent", just so we can't sue them if we- our bond gets distressed by anything they tell us. The "incident" is probably about the person that snuck in this morning._ Shizuo said and rolled his eyes mentally. He was now more irritated than anything else, and coupled with their bad fallout, it had twisted his mind towards one of his dangerous bad moods.

"You have our joint permission to tell us. So get on with it." Shizuo snapped, ignoring Izaya's analysis of him.

Watari nodded curtly.

"A journalist tried to sneak in to see you. He's from some tabloid based in Ikkebukuro. I had to question him myself, and he told me that he's just one of dozens who want to speak to you and get "the scoop of the year, likely the decade". He also had a more personal motive, claiming that he has a young daughter he needs to feed, and that this job is the only way he'll be able to". He explained.

Both he and Shizuo snorted derisively at the same moment. The journalists reasoning was clearly an obvious sob story, a sentiment that Shizuo readily agreed with. Despite his kinder personality, the beast knew bullshit when he heard it. In fact, it seemed he felt more sorry for the idiot getting caught than anything else.

_I don't even think this guy is a Yakuza spy. They wouldn't send someone so incompetent. No, he is just a poor sod who got lucky in getting past hospital security. In fact..._ Izaya thought.

"What is his name? And what is the tabloid he works for called?" Izaya asked, wanting to store the information for later ifhe could get any use out of it.

"Oh. I didn't think you'd be interested, and that you'd be so unfazed by..." Watari petered off and took a deep breath to refocus himself. "I'm telling you just because you have the right to press charges if you want. The journalist did call you as the object of his intrusion, and he was caught within our bond area. So by the law, it is your impetus to have him arrested or let go. Even if you are minors, and he was trespassing on hospital grounds, being bonded supersedes that. Though I think-". The doctor tried to advise them.

"Dr Watari, we will decide that after we've had our bond examination. The flea- my "other half", is anxious to know about the journalist so that he can make his own decision. Please tell him, and then go and inform the examiner we are ready to begin." Shizuo cut across him frankly, doing his best to sound polite.

Watari briefly froze in astonishment at being interrupted, then nodded even more curtly than before and continued.

"His name is Shuji Niekawa, and he works for a tabloid called "Tokyo Disaster". He says his daughter's name is Haruna, and that she is 8 years old. I'm going to go and get your bond examination ready. Some orderlies will be around to collect you shortly." Watari said blandly, and let the room without meeting either of their eyes.

_Shizu-chan, I don't think Dr Watari likes us._ Izaya dead-panned soon after, wanting to break the ice between them now that he had gotten over his sadness, and before they could fall back into their old patterns of animosity.

His soulmate responded with blank indifference, not saying anything. He was getting closer to giving into his infamous anger, to lashing out at the world because of overwhelming despair.

_Shizu-ch- Shizuo? I just wanted to be alone for a while before...Look, even with our fragile truce, we both apologised to each other this morning. Over separate issues yes, but it was an important first step. In fact, you should be amazed you got an apology out of ME. Izaya Orihara. The guy who never apologises to anyone because he never cares enough to. In fact, you may even get a SECOND apology out of me._  Izaya ventured, going out of his comfort zone to try to comfort Shizuo.

_It's not you Flea._ Shizuo replied simply, and turned away from him, curling his feet up to his chest and hugging his knees in a defensive position.

_Ah. Shizu-ch- Shizuo is being pointlessly hard on himself yet again I see. When in fact I think it is perfectly clear that he has done nothing wrong to demonise himself so much over. Shizuo, this morning was BOTH of our faults. That is the truth of it. Our bond is like a relationship- ugh, I hate that comparison- in that aspect. In other news, self-depreciation is a rather fatal flaw to have Shizuo. You should be careful in case anyone tries to take advantage of you with it._ Izaya hinted, getting slightly desperate. He did not want to go back to their previous state of suffering eachother, both for his own sake and Shizuo's.

Izaya blinked, surprised at his selflessness.

Shizuo stayed clammed up, but Izaya could tell he was minutely surprised as well.

Before he could say anything else to try to pacify-no, assure Shizuo, the door opened and a number of nurses came in, presumably to escort them to their bond exam.

_We'll have our talk right after this Flea. I can't bear to wait any longer. With the bond exam, just answer their questions as best you can. It should be easy as we really are bonded, and it's just some freaking practical test the hospital need to give us to verify it._ Shizuo advised quietly, finally opening himself up so he could go with the nurses.

Izaya gulped and followed.

* * *

 


	16. XVI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ch 16-XVI
> 
> Warning:minor 40s period casual racism and derogatory language in the pre chapter note. 
> 
> Please leave a comment or kudos! It helps!
> 
> ONLY A TWO MONTH LONG WAIT, AND ITS A LONG CHAPTER! OH YEAH I LOVE THIS FIC!
> 
> I have mixed feelings about this chapter. One one hand I feel it's like very boring filler, something that needs to be written and gotten out of the way before we come to the interesting part of the exam and Shizuo and Izaya's talk. But on the other, it has my favourite pre chapter note and the second half is much better than the first. I have also found a way to edit long chapters, in a way that doesn't drive me insane! So there might be longer chapter for HAFT in future! 
> 
> I've also been playing a lot of Persona 5, and I uh, I think I might start a story for it...yet another soulmate story set in Tokyo...
> 
> Thoughts?
> 
> Eh, enjoy a long chapter.

 

I think we can blame the war for this new bond trend. A mortal consequence of all the suffering and death incurred by it.

 

Look, I'll explain. For me, the Roberts-Downey bond wasn't the one that alerted me to the new trend. Instead, it was a far more tragic and maligned one.

 

During the war I was stationed at an airfield in Iwo Jima, Japan, only mere days after the bloody battle to take it. My duties were those of both a normal combat doctor and a bond one; I nursed the soldiers as best I could, and treated the few rare bonds we came across. Back then, the old trend still existed. Any pairings we got were blessedly normal, and very weak in comparison to bonded pairs formed today. They were usually occasions for joy, even when two men bonded. A happy reprieve from all the violence around us as God saw fit to join two people in the most complete way. All the pairs were fully American, "Pure as the nation" as they our president called them. But that was not to last.

 

Then one day I got a call about a strange-"evil" as others called it, bond in a neighbouring camp. I will never forget that call...anyways, I was summarily chauffeured to the encampment to treat it. There...there I became thoroughly informed of the disturbing new reality of bonds. What had happened, was that an American soldier from Texas, and a captured Japanese woman -a wife of some soldier, caught alongside her husband- from some local backwater, had bonded. And it seemed more intense and powerful than any other in the area. To the best of my knowledge, It was also the last one ever formed on those cursed islands.

 

I admit, I was naïvely curious at first. Despite the mixed pedigree of the bond, I thought that I could use them as an opportunity to further both my career and the study and respect of bonds as an academic field. How foolish I was.

 

In the beginning, both were quite horrified and disgusted by their new mental tether; mutual xenophobia ensuring a deep hatred of the bond and each other. Both of them had to be forcefully restrained to allow a full connection to take place. And as you know, once formed, a bond cannot be broken. Then it emerged that the wife's husband had beaten and-ah, forced himself on her several times in the past, and it all went south very fast.

 

Bonds nurture natural instincts, urges for bonded to protect one another from any harm. The Texan's kicked in and he almost beat the poor Jap bastard to death. He played possum with his feelings, and then snuck into the camp's prison to attack him in a sort of sick overdue revenge for his new bondmate. However some soldiers restrained him in time, and prevented him from fully carrying it out. I managed to get the case against the Texan dismissed after having some words with the camps overseer. The crime was put down as a case of mental trauma and intensity under Bond Law. Soon afterwards, the Jap died of his wounds while being tortured for info.

 

It turned out that they'd both shared a dream; the woman had had a nightmare of her husband and the soldier had been witness to it while sleeping. No bond before had ever had this intimate of a connection. Unfortunately, there was no clause back then to ensure their protection and continued study. So I had to let them go after only preliminary studying, despite the new recorded bond effect.

 

My findings of more extreme bonds were soon corroborated by other incidents in reports from across the Pacific Theatre, and then in instances from all over the world when I got back to the States. All of this occurred after the war reached its crux in April and May of 1945. The bloody attack on Okinawa against the stalwart Japs, that made us realise that we would have to drop the atomic bomb to fully stop them; the liberation of concentration camps in Germany; and then the fall of Berlin and the surrenders of the German and Italian Armies; this was God telling us that an era had ended, and a new one had begun for the world and bonds.

 

I'm getting carried away-

 

The couple-pair got quite protective of eachother after that. Pretty damn fast. Without naming any names, since I respect the personal nature of all bonds, the Texan decided he would stay in Japan with her after the war. Sadly, their happy ending wouldn't happen.

 

I studied them and their bond as much as I could with the little time I had. My data eventually provided a basis for my bond test, and allowed me to extrapolate the limitations and facets of that new trend. It turned out that the Jap woman's and the Texan's parents were both bonded, making me realise that genetics might play a part in how powerful a bond was.

 

I summarily left after having gathered all I needed, mourning the lack of an opportunity for further study. Nevertheless, I had duties back home to attend to. Both military and academic.

 

A month later I received the news that both bonded had died. Despite his new bond-probably because it didn't fall under the bond provisions of 1929 as she wasn't an American citizen, the Texan had again been deployed in one of the last few advances in Okinawa. I did hear that he and his bondmate had strongly objected to the order. But in the end, he'd been forced to go after being threatened with a court-martial that would strip him of all his military benefits. This meant that he would have had no way to support his new love. So I can see why he went; to save both his pride and his future.

 

He died in a kamikaze bombing, and she probably followed soon after due to the mutual death effect of bonds.

 

I wish I had helped them more. I could have saved their lives if I had only intervened, and ensured a thorough study of their unique dream sharing.

 

May they rest in peace.

 

-Excerpt from a 1947 interview with Alexander Sanderson, the creator and pioneer of the first bond test.

 

* * *

 

The orderlies led Izaya to a plain white room at one end of a long corridor. It was set up like a freaking police interrogation room, with a dirty metal table and two equally stained chairs as its only furnishings. Another group of orderlies showed Shizuo to a similar one at the other end. It had "even more crappy" furniture, according to his beastly soulmate. This seemed to incense him even more than his self blaming screw up. Izaya could tell that Shizuo was on a precarious edge with his mood. Anything, almost anything, could set him off on one of his rampages.

 

_Shizuo, this isn't a contest for who has the worst conditions for their bond test. I hope that you're not purposefully finding things to be angry about just to get out of a hospital exam. Come on, we're going to get this thing over with and then we can go and relax in the horr- in the lovely bond suite and have that illuminating talk about ourselves. Doesn't that sound nice, and not emotionally painful at all?_ Izaya quipped, trying to assure Shizuo with humour. He was doing his best to calm the other down, and was failing miserably judging from the silence he got in response. All he wanted was for both of them not to suffer anymore. Especially Shizuo because of his anger and mood swings. It would be bad for both of them if he acted up.

 

Shizuo then mentally grunted in annoyance, making Izaya's mind flare with selfish -and not at all selfless like before, he wasn't in denial- worry. It spiked along their connection, and he felt Shizuo jolt with the force of it.

 

But it didn't even chip the monumental mountain that was his anger, making Izaya finally realise just how minute his efforts of comfort were in comparison.

 

_Seriously Shizuo, don't mope. Please don't. I'm so fucking tired, both literally and physically. I'm at the end of my tether with everything..._ He stopped short, not wanting to continue in case his whining incensed Shizuo further.

 

_Izaya, you're confusing me now. But I think...in a good way. Kinda. I can feel your concern for me, at least a bit, just like you felt mine for you. Though your are so split over your motivations and unsure if you have a right to be angry that it's anno-no, I need to assure you. But I'm ANGRY at myself! Gah! Wait-That's it! You do have a damn prerogative to be angry at the situation, and at me! I'm so sorry Izaya. I remembered that I need to take you into consideration, and that you CAN change. Don't worry about your feelings. It's entirely human! It's proof you're not a monster._ Shizuo rambled. His anger was a result of a mix of self-depreciation and a hatred of hospitals, with an entrenched desire to not complete a freaking bond exam while in his current state...

 

But he was angry at everything but Izaya.

 

_Shizuo, you're not_ -

 

_You called me Shizuo again, not Shizu-chan. As if you think I'm human_ -Shizuo suddenly reacted, abrupt elation rippling through his anger and tempering it to a lesser form. It was still there, but it had slightly calmed down at the fact that he-

 

Izaya blinked. He hadn't even noticed how _natural_ it felt not addressing Shizuo by his nickname, and it made him crinkle his brow.

 

The confusion lengthened until it consumed his mind, though he wasn't struck down by it. His action fit right into their new dynamic, and the truce they had both agreed to. But then why wasn't he rattled by his feelings? Could it be that his bond was changing him-his very soul? Like he had started sensing that Shizuo was an extended part of himself; a second half of his very being. He wasn't being stupid, or acting out. For fu-

 

"Are you all right?" A soft female voice suddenly asked in concern. Looking up, Izaya saw that a short woman, with shoulder length black hair and wearing simple but nice office attire, had entered the room during his conversation with Shizuo and taken the seat opposite him. Her look of understanding betrayed the fact that she had expected this action of him. He must've been so absorbed with his mental conversation, that he had missed the door opening. A testament to how much his physical abilities were degrading in that prison of a hospital.

 

Before anymore time could be wasted and the atmosphere of the room became even more awkward, Izaya nodded deftly and shook himself. Handily meeting the eyes of the woman with a steady gaze of his own, he gave her a beaming smile of welcome. Though that emotion was farthest from the scathing annoyance he really felt.

 

In the other room, Shizuo had just had a similar interaction with a male version of his questioner, and was struggling to stay polite and keep down his anger.

 

_Stay calm Shizu-chan._ Izaya intoned quickly, going back to Shizuo's nickname. He wasn't going to change for the better just yet.

 

Shizuo bristled at this, but bit down a retort and answered his examiner when the man raised his voice.

 

"I'm so sorry about this. Mental conversation with the "soulmate" got out of hand. He-Shizuo can be very distracting." Izaya joked and rubbed the back of his head in a sheepish gesture. He didn't really mean it, but was just doing it to keep up appearances of caring about what the female examiner thought of him.

 

"Don't worry, I'm used to it. My name is Kimiko, and I will be your bond examiner for your exam and registering. Taking into account your condition and the circumstances of your second reconnection, I hope we can make this a quick examination." Kimiko intoned bureaucratically, though her mouth quirked up in amusement. It rather ruined the professional image she was going for, Izaya observed.

 

_Yet another new face after Dr Watari, I hope I don't meet anymore. I'll only be polite just to get this examination over with._ He inwardly grumbled, but still smiled openly and held out his hand in greeting.

 

"I think you know my name-I'm aware that Shizuo and I have been on the news recently, both for our bond and him having punched a train. So, judging from my rather patched knowledge of these things, I guess the legal paper stuff is first". He said politely as she took his hand and shook it.

 

"Yes, but I just need to go over a few things; like the schedule for the procedure and such. Firstly, we do need to fill out paperwork about the formal facts of your bond, and your side of the initial connection and second reconnection. Secondly, the bond interview; the simultaneous procedure where both individuals are questioned at the same time and expected to answer some of the others questions to prove their bond is real. And lastly, we have the physical orientation, which-and don't be afraid, it isn't painful or taxing in anyway- is just a quick test of the limits of your bond. Oh! I'll also need to explain the media presence around your new bond. Just a quick little chat to tell you about how the media views bonds in general, what you may need to do after your release, and how the Japanese media has responded to you and Shizuo so far. So, are you ready to begin? Or do you want a few more minutes to get ready?" Kimiko questioned, her face now schooled into a professional mask.

 

"No. I think I'm ready to beg-"

 

_I'm not flea. I'm sorry. Please give me a few minutes to calm down. Or at least, I'll try to_. Shizuo abruptly interceded.

 

"Though my soulmate isn't. Can we please give him a few minutes?" Izaya asked and forced a bigger smile.

 

"Sure. We have plenty of time. I'll just get out the necessary paperwork for when we do begin." Kimiko said routinely, and got out a large-sized sheaf of papers from a small bag that Izaya had missed in his first inspection of her.

 

"Kimiko, is it okay is if I ask you a few questions? Just to pass the time. I like ingratiating myself with new people." And learning things about them to see if I can manipulate them with it later. Kindness is such a weakness after all. He mentally added after making his seemingly innocent enquiry.

 

_Izaya, seriously? I'm trying to calm down here, and your "fleanness" isn't helping!_

 

_Don't worry Shizuo, Kimiko is a rather boring human. So I won't get much use out of her..._

 

He'd gone back to using his soulmates full name to try to get him to calm down.

 

"Getting carried away again Izaya? Don't worry, it's a rather common occurrence in new bonds for pairs to get too dependent on mental communication. I understand that it's rather private, but you'll both need to get used to communicating openly again. Others might not be as accommodating as me, you see. I apologise if I sounded harsh in any way. It's just that I've seen more than enough bond abuse and discrimination in my life, so I always give advice and fair warning to any new bonds I mediate. Anyways, what did you want to ask while your soulmate-can I use the term? Not everyone is comfortable with it- gets ready?" His questioner gently intruded.

 

"Uh...yes, I'm fine with the term soulmate. And you don't need to apologise at all. In fact, thank you for the fair warning. I'm still getting used to this bond thing, and it's good to meet someone who understands it. Going back, I actually wanted to ask you two questions; why did you decide to become a bond examiner? And how long have you been doing it?" Izaya said unsurely. Kimiko's manner had caught him off guard and taken him out of his comfort zone. He suddenly felt his tiredness and the innate pressure of the room rather keenly.

 

"Well Izaya, I've always wanted to work with bonds ever since I was little. You see, when I was growing up my father's job made us move around a lot. In the early 1980s, at the age of ten, I spent a year outside of Japan in the United States. While I was there, a bonded motivational speaker came to our school and gave a presentation about them. Back then it was rather unusual, so he covered many aspects of bonds that would be considered controversial today. He rather inspired me, and thus I set out to achieve a similar profession. Albeit as a bond examiner, than an educator. I believe Shizuo's father has that particular job." Kimiko explained brightly, while tidying and setting out the papers into little piles.

 

Izaya noticed.

 

"I knew that Shizuo's father worked with bonds, but I didn't know his exact position. That's interesting. Though I wonder if it conflicts with his stance on bond rights. Sorry Kimiko...but I can't help but notice just how organised you are with your papers. I'm similar. I like to be in control of everything and have all my affairs sorted into an exact order, so I can better deal with them one by one and not be overwhelmed." Izaya commented dryly.

 

"Oh. It's nice to meet a fellow neat freak. And yes, Shizuo's father is rather prolific in the academic world. Some people see him as a radical, at least in Japan. I don't personally have anything against him- and I don't think I should tell you anymore. Shizuo should. It's important for bonded couples to share details like that with eachother, and get closer because of it. I've heard about you and Shizuo...especially about your infamous fights of the past month, and I think you should focus on getting to know eachother better and on sharing a room without resorting to punches." She lectured imperiously, as if she was giving Izaya sage advice he desperately needed. Kimiko was acting just like his dumb mother when she gave him a basic life lesson, by saying stupid information that he already knew.

 

He wanted to yell at her for it, and tell her that he didn't need a stupid woman like her to demand such an act of him. Though something worse was going on in his mind...

 

Her insinuation about Shizuo's father, and the fact that he hadn't known or cared about that information before-well, everything, fostered an uncomfortable sensation within him. It made him realise that he hardly knew anything _about_ Shizuo. And vice versa. This caused his mind and bond to wince with guilt. That's what it was! The catalyst for his next world ending revelation. Maybe the bond really was affecting his soul-

 

_Shizuo, I'm sorry. I won't whinge anymore. At least, not now. I'll wait until we have our talk. That's the right time for all of this emotional baggage._ He spoke up before the other could, taking into account his mood and trying to sound calm to stop his anger from flaring any further.

 

_Izaya...lets get on with it. Before it's too late. Calm, just stay calm._ Shizuo chimed in desperately. He wasn't ready to face the test yet, and was so angry, but was still making an effort to stay together for his sake.

 

Izaya decided that he could be decent as well, and sent Shizuo more feelings of calm down and comfort to try to prove his point. Ignoring his new worry before it could overcome him, Izaya opted to instead focus on the annoyance that was his examiner.

 

"Getting carried away again Izaya-"

 

"Kimiko, I don't like being lectured at. Especially by someone like you, a stranger whom I-we barely know. Be assured, Shizuo and I are trying to tolerate eachother, for our own sakes and the hospitals. For the time being, we hope to put our fights behind us and find a middle ground with our bond. But at the moment we are too tired and tense for deep discussions about the future, and possible (he keenly stressed the word) conflicts between us. So please refrain from telling us what we already know". He interrupted gently, making every effort to not to snap at her. She probably didn't really care about them anyway, unless it fell within the parameters of her chosen employment.

 

_She was just trying to help Izaya..._ Shizuo muttered dimly after his little speech.

 

_All right Shizuo. But let's give Kimiko a moment to gather herself._ He snarked back.

 

Just like Dr Watari had earlier when Shizuo had interrupted him, Kimiko froze entirely. Her expression was one of disparate confusion and slight unsureness. However, unlike the good doctor, she recovered quickly and-

 

Smiled warmly at him? As if to assure him that she wasn't offended by his interruption and speech.

 

"I won't take offence at being interrupted like that Izaya, because I can empathise with your current troubled condition and tired mind. With my "lecturing", I was only trying to help and comfort you. This is because most people are usually going through the stage that you and Shizuo went through while separated, when they have their examination. In a way, you're actually doing better than most other bonded pairs during this part of the process. Being far more calm and articulate than I expected. So can we please smooth things over and start the examination? I have a feeling, mainly from your behaviour, that your soulmate wants us to...and thank you both, for making an effort and being diplomatic." Kimiko said, not unkindly.

 

"You're right. So let's start. As for smoothing things over, I apologise if I came back too strongly. I'm just stressed with everything-and rather stupidly, I let it get to me." Izaya blabbed, actually feeling slightly remorseful.

 

_Remorse, from you? Actual, real consideration for another human being. Wow!_ Shizuo joked non maliciously, trying to keel his ribbing light.

 

_Shut up Shizu-chan. And I don't accept myself as being human just yet, soooooo...._ He replied, in the same vein. Noticing that Shizuo's bad mood was actually somewhat dimmed by their shared humor, he captured the rising-in-heart feeling it gave him and sent waves of it along with his words.

 

_Right...Izaya, are you...Is the joking over? Or is this real?_ Shizuo, slightly afraid as he didn't want Izaya to be making fun of him at that exact moment, asked tersely.

 

_Shizuo-wait you think I was being sarcastic when I called you "chan" again. No, not at all. Shizuo, I-oh god, I was being affectionate. I even forgot about being torn over it earlier. I completely and utterly meant what I said. I wasn't being mocking. But I also meant the not human yet but-I don't know. I'm so confused."_ He confessed, feeling flustered as his neck flushed.

 

Shizuo stayed silent, too embarrassed, or overwhelmed, or-maybe he didn't believe him? Izaya wouldn't believe him too, it-

 

Just now noticing that Kimiko had put a few sheets of paper in front of him, what looked like the first part of the test, Izaya realised that he'd gotten consumed by his bond yet again and allowed it to distract him from what was really important.

 

But he didn't apologise. Because as he looked up and met the smiling face and bright eyes of a caring stranger, he knew he didn't need to.

 

Maybe for once he could just let go of everything and _be_. By that he meant not care about gathering information and manipulation, and just simply trust that a persons motives could be pure in their intent and want to help. And if that was the case, not spit on their kindness and take advantage of it.

 

No, Kimiko is probably lying. Her kindness and friendly attitude is just a facade. She's annoyed at me and wants to get this over with. Or-she is truly being genuine, and it would be easy of me to take advantage of her and use her. I can't be weak, especially with the Yakuza after me. But I can be polite-I can do that. Izaya decided on as a compromise, allowing his petty desire to get the test over with to win over his brief emotional weakness.

 

"All right Kimiko. Let's do this. No more dilly dallying, as the English say." He said boldly, trying to come across as confident.

 

"Take your time if you want Izaya. There's no time limit or anything to be afraid of. As

I said before, I know you're tired. So I'd rather you be comfortable and answer the test correctly than feel like you are being hurried or pressured into it. The same with Shizuo." She interjected brightly, sounding chipper.

 

"Okay. Thanks." Izaya acknowledged her and looked down, pretending to be absorbed in filling in details when he was in fact focused on conspiring with Shizuo.

 

_All right Shizuo. Even if you don't like me at the moment, can we please be practical and talk about the test, and how we should do it? I don't want to slip in any details you don't want me to. For instance, I have a feeling that we shouldn't divulge the fact that we shared dreams twice. Okay?_ Izaya ventured uneasily, unsure of how he should talk to his still stormy and closed off soulmate. Shizuo's mind was now an enigma; Izaya had thought he'd long ago figured it out and had him down to a pat, but he was wrong. His emotions and wants were so all over the place and confused, that they made Izaya's own doubts look carefree in comparison.

 

_Shizuo..?_

 

* * *

 

He was such an idiot. His examiner was an idiot too.

 

The first thing the idiot had done, after interrupting his conversation with Izaya, was beg Shizuo to not get angry. Which of course, had made him visibly tense and growl. Then the examiner had tried to cower behind the table, making Shizuo roll his eyes and ask for him to pull himself together.

 

The examiner, though shaking badly and hyperventilating, had managed to do so and pulled himself up into a seating position.

 

"My name is Soichiro. Why don't we go over-". He'd stuttered as he introduced himself, throat dry from his panicked breathing.

 

"I know how bond exams work. My father taught me everything about them." He'd bit across him, not caring he was being rude.

 

"Ah. He-your father, he is Daisuke Heiwajima, right? I should've guessed he taught you about bonds". The ex-Soichiro had bravely asked.

 

"Yes". One word answer, uttered quietly and without any emotion except low-key anger.

 

"Well, I've read all his books. He inspired me to become an examiner!" The man had confessed bashfully, like some goddamn tsundere in an anime; as if it must therefore mean something to Shizuo.

 

_Oh fuck, a fucking fan. Just what I need._ He'd thought lowly, Izaya too absorbed in his conversation with Kimiko to notice.

 

"Ok. Look-can you please get the test together, so I can get on with it when I am ready? I just need a few minutes to calm down. Give me five." He had demanded briskly, ignoring Soichiro's "confession".

 

Soichiro's face had fallen, but he'd complied and shut up. Which was all Shizuo had needed of him. He did not suffer fools gladly and felt little guilt...though his own behaviour did bother him to a certain extent. But he was too tired and furious to be too hung up on it.

 

Then Izaya had started acting like a flea again. The same old douchebag he had known for the past month, and not the heavily flawed but still somewhat good and funny teenager he'd been getting to know in the past few days.

 

The manipulation and the unkindness had made him doubt everything. Then Izaya had become confused about himself, second guessing his own actions and words-maybe he wasn't lying after all?

 

No. It's only been a few days after all. We don't even know eachother that well, and only have a tenuous truce. This morning was just a fluke...he thought lowly, as he opened the papers in front of him and stared blankly at the first page.

 

_Shizuo...?_ The flea ventured.

 

_What?_ He answered back, finally snapping out of his distracted state and filling out his name and personal details

 

The test? What should I do? What details should I include?

 

_Oh-our shared dreams, and the goddamn clause. Well, I think that if we do divulge the more powerful aspects of our bond at this stage, then they will definitely invoke the clause on us. Though I also think it might happen anyway, considering my strength...so I dunno flea. Maybe we can just fill in the "first connection" section truthfully for now. We can tell them about Shinra's detective skills in working out our bond, and the events leading up to the chase where we finally touched. We can say, that instead of you setting that gang on me purposefully, I was the cause of it by being so angry with being told that you were my soulmate that I goaded them into attacking me._ Shizuo rambled, his tired and still somewhat angry brain kicking into overdrive to come up with a plan to answer their bond exam without giving too much away.

 

_Shizuo, don't overtax your tiny-I mean your completely normal and not in any way degenerate brain, and let me do the hard thinking. I'll just need you to guide me and tell me any information I'll want for my plan. So with the first connection, why don't we just say what really happened? We don't need to put the blame on you. They know we've had bad fights and chases in the past month, and I don't mind owning up to it. I like my reputation being known..._ He joked weakly.

 

_Are you really all right with that Izaya?_ Shizuo couldn't stop himself from asking.

 

_I am Shizuo. And I agree with you about sharing the finer details of our bond this early. Actually, what is the clause?_ Izaya asked, both his interest and worry about it flickering across their connection.

 

Shizuo's mind went briefly numb, before he hastily recovered and forced himself into answering. He also realised that he hadn't been writing much on his test, so he quickly scrambled for his pen and started filling in the first question.

 

_Fuck, I didn't think about that-to tell you what the goddamn thing is. The clause is a law-it's rarely used Izaya, so have no fear- that's invoked when a new bond comes along that could offer new answers for science. It basically gives the government and scientific community of the country where the bond originated from, the right to "extensively study and detain certain bonded couples for negotiable periods of time after their connection has been formed". My dad said that about it. It's another part of bond legislation he considers cruel, and that it needs to be abolished for real change to happen. It's why he's considered a "radical" I guess...I'll tell you all about him when we have our talk. So, what should we do Izaya? Can you come up with a plan that will stop the clause being enacted on us? At least for now? You're smarter than I am at these things; like lying, and manipulation, and muddling the truth when you want to._ Shizuo said quickly, panic beginning to overcome him.

 

_Is that a compliment, or a criticism, Shizuo? I guess I'll take it as the former. So thank you for having such faith in me! All right, no more messing around. Let's get on with it and do this! I'm so pumped for this boring exam, and the gruelling questioning that will follow! Aren't you Shizuo, aren't you just pumped?_ Izaya intoned sarcastically as he finished answering the question on first connection and continued to additional connections.

 

_Uh, right. What should I do?_ He ventured uneasily, wanting to help but unsure how to.

 

_Wow. I never thought that I'd one day be giving Shizuo Heiwajima orders, and have him ready and willing to listen. This power is intoxicating...it might be just the thing that actually makes me happy we bonded. I could get used to this Shizuo._ Izaya said seductively, his inner voice one of sweet manipulation and promises of an easy life if his soulmate just listened to him. It was like sugar, addictive and bad for you...

 

Shizuo felt a ripple of heat in his belly, and it took everything he had to quash it and focus solely on his bond test.

 

He felt Izaya frown in the other room, but was thankful when the flea decided to ignore his odd feelings.

 

_Wow. Did you seriously just compare me to sugar? Are you secretly a teenage girl at heart Shizuo?_ He teased him, tone flicking to something more normal, closer to the Izaya he knew.

 

_Can we please get on with it Izaya?_ He replied back blankly, trying and failing to hide his own amusement.

 

_Aww Shizuo's no fun..._ The flea trailed off, attempting to inwardly pout but instead sending Shizuo a genuine smile at their lighthearted bantering.

 

Their interaction was almost normal, making him again futilely hope that it may one day be the norm between them. He _wanted_ a soulmate he could at least be friends with, and felt surprised at how deep that want went...

 

_Shizuo, I'm not ready for that level yet. Or even considering it. Just-_

 

"Is everything all right? You have a faraway look in your eyes-I know I'm not meant to interfere, but you really should be answering the bond exam and not be getting carried with your soulmate. You have the rest of your lives for that, so please focus on the exam for now". Soichiro suddenly butt in sheepishly, inflaming Shizuo's temper in the process as he'd gotten in the way of him making progress with Izaya.

 

He curled his wrists into fists and felt his blood rise with his anger. If he wasn't careful, he was going to-

 

_Shizuo shh. He didn't know-he doesn't know about us. Tell him that you're sorry for getting carried away, and that you won't do it again. You need to learn to control your anger, or at least put on a very controlled façade of having control. If we're going to be stuck together for all of our lives, you're going to need to achieve one of those things. I'll help if I can. Now, the reality that Soichiro-chan won't know about is that you will be following my careful instructions in what to answer on our bond test. Come on, It's time to strategise and ace this piece of shit._ Izaya said, his mind becoming sharp like it had when he'd talked with Igarashi. He was in hard working informant mode, and it was a wonder to witness. His attitude was also like a cool balm for the fire that was Shizuo's anger, by the fact that his soulmate actually meant each and every word of advice instead of outright mocking him or wanting to control him for selfish ends.

 

_Izaya..._ he drawled off, awe making him temporarily forget his earlier temperament. The fact that he'd also addressed his interviewer with a -chan made him stifle a snigger, allowing his mood to rise a little.

 

_We don't any time to waste Shizuo. Though I wish we did. The sooner we get this whole shebang over with, the sooner we can be alone together and rest in a nice quiet room. A simple pleasure I never knew I could miss. Ah, I see you liked my little touch. That's what it feels like, to make fun of others who are lesser than you._ His soulmate appraised him, sliding back into his common manipulation.

 

_Izaya, I don't wanna become an asshole like you._ Shizuo said curtly, recovering from his brief bout of hope that he could actually get closer to Izaya.

 

_You're already halfway there sweetheart. Though we really should get on with it. Even Kimiko is giving me odd looks now, and I wonder just how bad Soichiro-chan is at the moment..._ Izaya teased him gently, meaning to calm him. Unfortunately, he could sense some of his finer unsaid feelings, like Shizuo enjoyed it the same way I did. I felt it. I wonder...

 

His anger sparked again, but this time Izaya was prepared for it.

 

He didn't bother with words, and just let his feelings of concern and comfort flow directly from his own mind into the beasts-his. It was like the genuineness of his earlier worlds, he meant those feelings of caring and worry. For a moment, it felt as if he and Izaya were of a single mind. His brusqueness and anger mixed in with the others mischievousness and softer attitude, fostering a sense that he was feeling all four emotions at once. It was incredible. Shizuo didn't know if it was exhaustion or the bond acting up, but he didn't care at that moment. And unlike before when Izaya had purposefully made him angry in the warehouse, it was warmer and lighter...

 

Then Izaya abruptly wrenched his mind from his own. Shizuo felt him back peddle furiously, mind awash with sensations of disgust and horrified wonder.

 

He quickly looked up and met Soichiro's disappointed gaze.

 

"We're going to get on with it now Soichiro. We both experienced a moment of convergence, that's all. Since our bond is so new, we're still trying to stop our minds from overlapping too much." He assured the examiner, using his own knowledge of bonds to cover his and Izaya's asses. He felt oddly manipulative-like the fleas mind had rubbed off on him and vice versa. The flea himself was trying to push down a sudden plume of anger, and was succeeding as they had ended the connection before it had gone too deep.

 

The examiner nodded and relaxed, giving Shizuo a genuine smile with a hint of fear. That was good. It meant he was taking the hint not to annoy him anymore.

 

Shizuo got back to his paper and reached out to Izaya mentally, since he'd retreated slightly after their overlap.

 

_What was that Shizuo?_ He asked with a mental frown, doing his best to get rid of the bizarre anger that had suddenly seized him.

 

_I'm not entirely sure what it was Izaya, and I only told Soichiro part of the truth. It is common in new bonds for there to be moments of "overlap" between minds as they adjust to being joined. Though as I said, I don't know if was tiredness or the bond itself acting up. It could have just been an ordinary overlap, but from what I've read of other bonded couples experiences, they usually occur randomly with little warning and are much less intense than actually feeling your soulmates emotions as your own. Ours felt calculated and genuine, as if we wanted our minds to meld. Anyway, we suck at concentrating on our bond test. So for the hundredth fucking time, let's stop being drama queens before our attention wanes again._ He snarled, his anger returning to him and making his head hurt.

 

_Okay. Okay. Don't kill us both with your attitude Shizuo. Getting back to business, should we tell them about our shared dreams and the mind melding? Will they invoke the clause on us if we do, or throw us in prison if we lie? We wont last long in there if they do, even with your strength and my smarts. The yakuza would find a way to off us both with their connections, even if it's a special bonded prison facility. With the second reconnection, why don't we leave out the part with the Yakuza and just say that you found me on my own. Then because I was weak our bond made you weak, then Celty found us and speedily got us here. We don't have to mention she is a shadowy magical motorcycle rider, or a Valkyrie, or anything supernatural. But instead just tell the simple truth, that she was an old friend looking out for us. Shit. I didn't think of it-She saved us, and that means I owe her one. I hope she doesn't demand a payment or anything. I've had her run jobs for me in the past you see._ Izaya said coolly, going back to his job like informant state of mind. He followed his prerogative and filled in his section by saying that he'd simply gotten lost trying to hide from Shizuo, and had done it because he wasn't thinking clearly due to the bond and still thought Shizuo was his worst enemy.

 

Shizuo laughed, but made himself look like he was working to spare him from Soichiro's roaming gaze by starting his section on additional connections with the fact that he had punched a train out of anger due to sensing that his soulmate was dying from separation, and not to the Yakuza in truth.

 

_Izaya, she's a friend and she was doing you a favour. A life saving one, sure, but a favour nonetheless. You know Celty, and how kind she is. She won't ask for anything in return, just like how any true friend would. Shinra and Kadota are the same Izaya, and so am I-I'll try to be the same with you. In time._ He reassured his soulmate gently, stopping himself from stoking his anger.

 

Izaya was silent for a moment, before his mind burst into nervous laughter.

 

_Shizuo really is laying it on thick with the "true friendship" bullshit ne. That kind of thing is so fucking weak. But I'll be glad to take advantage of you all if you really wish to follow such a path with your hearts, especially Celty. Having a Valkyrie with a personality like that could be very useful in the future. So thank you for-no, I don't want you-us to suffer again. Forget I said-Shizuo I don't know at that the moment. It's too fucking much and your adding too much metaphorical emotional fuel to the fucking metaphorical dumpster fire that is my mind. So let's just finish filling in the question on the second reconnection, and we can move on to the bond ones and decide if we want to tell them about our shared dreams and mind melding._ Izaya bit back. He was in a downward spiral of turmoil, too conflicted between apathy and letting go to take a side just yet.

 

Shizuo sent waves or comfort and agreement, and finished answering the question. Izaya was right for once. It was too soon, too fucking soon in both their relationship and their bond for there to be so much emotional wrangling and trust issues. Time would be needed to build that, and they were lucky they had plenty of it. Just so as long as they did not die to the Yakuza, or a bond illness from lying about their powerful bond.

 

Together they coordinated silently on the rest of the question, crafting a simple lie of a narrative that left out the truth of organised crime syndicates that disposed of bodies and a magical biker that used shadows as a weapon. Reality was sometimes stranger than fiction, Shizuo noted as he wrote out the last sentence. His strength was a testament to that fact as well.

 

_Okay. The clause. How do we avoid it, and what should we say? The next question is about effects and symptoms experienced._ Izaya asked curtly, getting to the point straight away.

 

_Hmm. We need to put something down, or they'll be suspicious of us. How about we start with the separation condition and...yeah sharing thoughts is a pretty big one. We already gave that away when Shinra learned about it in the school infirmary with Sayoko...we're lucky that most new bonded couples do in fact share thoughts earlier than later. That's something my dad told me at least, and it's probably why our examiners aren't surprised by the fact we share them. They won't enforce the clause on us because of that, but they definitely will if they learn about the dreams and our potential for mind melding. Heck, they might do it anyway because of my strength. But I think that I've frightened them so much, that they won't dare do it. They wouldn't want to deal with me when I'm angry AND in an enclosed space._ Shizuo advised him, doing best to follow his lead.

 

_Laws? Punishments? Prison?_ Izaya followed up pointedly with several questions.

 

What? Shizuo gawked, completely confused.

 

_Sorry if I was a bit abrupt and didn't explain. What I need to know is, if we do lie about how powerful are bond is, can the authorities punish us in any way? And will we be put in prison, or a facility? Could we potentially meet up with your father to get his help, and then change our testimony?_ Izaya hit him with questions, earnest and predatory in his thirst for answers and knowledge.

 

_Well, it would be unprecedented. For sure. Because bonds are so rare, tests like this are rare. To the best of my knowledge, no pair has ever lied in one before. I think. I would know if one did. My dad did teach me some parts of bond history, but not all. So I don't know Izaya. Knowing authority and how fucked up they are-that is something we can both agree on, as we both think the police are cowards- they would charge us with something trumped-up and put us in some facility. Citing mental problems or some shit. That's why they wouldn't put us in prison, bonds are too protected by law. Even in Japan. As for meeting up with my dad and changing our test results, not "testimony"-this isn't a criminal trial flea, we would have to ask him and get his exact advice. There is some precedent with changing the results of a Dunn test. But those usually involve false bond claims, or ones that develop over time. Such as my parents sharing thoughts after several years, instead of straight away like us. A bond test is an official record, as well as first proof of being bonded. It is constantly updated over the years as the bond develops further._ He supplied Izaya, trying to decide what particular information was pertinent and what was not.

 

_So we would be making history...of a sort. That sounds annoying, but also fun in a sick way. So let's hope they never find out if we do lie ne. Though, we would get a movie deal and become celebrities for sure if they did._ Izaya thought, actually weighing the possibility seriously.

 

_Izaya..._ Shizuo sighed.

 

_Don't start. You know I'm joking. Now..._ he drifted away to concentrate.

 

Izaya's end of the bond briefly buzzed with glad thankfulness for Shizuo's cooperation, then it abruptly switched gears and he felt the others mind focus on the task ahead. He was taking the information he'd been given, and like the clever informant he was (far smarter than Shizuo at these sorts of things), used it to form a plan of action on what to divulge and write.

 

_Shizuo you're being distracting with your self-deprecating compliments. Plus it's getting rather old, so do try to come up with new material._ Izaya wisecracked before going right back.

 

_Sorry_. He uttered, not saying anymore because nothing else was needed.

 

A minute passed. Then Izaya's mind unfurled beautifully. His soulmate had a plan.

 

_We're going to hide the truth Shizu-chan. I-we can't risk having the clause enacted on us. Both because of the Yakuza, and for our own sanity. We'll do that, and then hide the other symptoms as best we can while we're in here. It's the only course of action we can take. I'll instruct on what to say in the test. If you'll help me with any finer details._ His soulmate proposed strongly, mind tight with concentration and despair.

 

_Oh. Wait Izaya. I forgot about bond health. There are lots of conditions we could get and we'll need to come in for treatment if it gets bad..._ Shizuo trailed off, taken aback by Izaya's sudden desperation.

 

_Then if we get sick. we'll let them know and face the consequences. It's only okay if our lives are in great danger, all right?. This is only a short-term measure after all, until we can get to your father and other experts. After a few minor questions, the next section is the interrogation. Correct?_ Izaya said, going back to his paper and looking at the next question.

 

_Yes_. Shizuo said, and did the same.

 

It was going to be a long day.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is partly written.
> 
> I'm still slightly on the fence about the Persona fic, but it's basically another bond au set in Tokyo but with more of a plot and a lighthearted focus.
> 
> But I have written a lot for it and hate...I think I could do it. I want to try at least Lmao. 
> 
> Which is why I'm asking for thoughts?

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed it!  
> This fic will (hopefully, but maybe not) be spontaneously updated in small chapters!  
> Please follow, leave a kudos or comment!


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